[Solved] Help plz

Very distressing to read, especially the last part of it.

if you are really in such a dark place get yourself some help... DO NOT do anything stupid....your child does not need to hear that their father took his own life and if your words were to be heard / seen by the ex i'm sure they would be used against you to show you to be an unstable person and therefore a potential threat to your child.....You know you are not you're like a lot of us here....hurting and finding no way to ease the pain.

i have had similar thoughts in the darkest days over the last 8yrs, it got to me so much that it took my brother sitting me down and proper b*locking me out and i mean b*locking me out big time....he's ex military seargent so doesn't take sh*te and likes to shout and scream at someone who needs a b*locking.
not sure it would work on everyone....it could seriouly have pushed me over the edge...not sure that was his intention.... but what it did do is get my back up and focussed my anger at him then.
i am not suggesting that for you, you sound like you need someone to talk to who can actually help you understand your own emotions and work on things to help you out these dark times.

go have a chat with your doctor, explain the situation and ask if they would be able to recommend someone to talk to about it....the feeling of not seeing your child is almost identical to the death of a loved one....bereavement.

or

Try contacting your local branch of Families need Fathers, most have local meetings where you can go along and have a chat about your case and how you are feeling. i found one 30miles from me was quite helpful to speak to others in the same position as me.

also i found this site very good for letting me vent off my frustrations and thoughts....there are a lot of very helpful and understanding members on here who will give you some very good advice.

Theres an old saying that i now try to use...."Don't let the b*stards grind you down".... fight for as long as you possibly can to keep in your childs life....and if it doesn't work out know that you did everything to the best of your ability and then when your child eventually seeks you out again you can look them in the eyes and say with truth and honor that you tried your hardest.

Don't take the cowards way out....your child doesn't deserve that burden!

hi there

I absolutely understand how you feel, but I must caution you not to allow your emotions to come out when you're in court.... You were told last time to keep it child focused and in a way that's what they mean. As harsh and unfair as it seems, the court aren't interested in how it makes you feel, only in how the child feels.

On a brighter note, well done for completing the courses, hopefully the court will appreciate the effort you've put in. Show them a renewed and strong father, that is willing to do what it takes to be involved in their child's life.

Explain that you were in a low place before, but can see much more clearly now, that you are focused on what is best for your child and that is to be the best father you can be.

Don't talk about how you are dying every day, rather say that you had a close bond with your child and you're sure that he will be missing you as much as you miss him. Its your child's right to have you in their life again, that if given the opportunity, you can both rebuild your relationship which will be in your child's best interests.

Such kind words and some really good advice from Dad-i-d. We're here to listen and to help where we can. Here's a link to the Families Need Fathers website, where you'll find details of meetings in your area

www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support/local-branch-meetings

Best of luck

Thank you for the solid advice guys

Very distressing to read, especially the last part of it.

if you are really in such a dark place get yourself some help... DO NOT do anything stupid....your child does not need to hear that their father took his own life and if your words were to be heard / seen by the ex i'm sure they would be used against you to show you to be an unstable person and therefore a potential threat to your child.....You know you are not you're like a lot of us here....hurting and finding no way to ease the pain.

i have had similar thoughts in the darkest days over the last 8yrs, it got to me so much that it took my brother sitting me down and proper b*locking me out and i mean b*locking me out big time....he's ex military seargent so doesn't take sh*te and likes to shout and scream at someone who needs a b*locking.
not sure it would work on everyone....it could seriouly have pushed me over the edge...not sure that was his intention.... but what it did do is get my back up and focussed my anger at him then.
i am not suggesting that for you, you sound like you need someone to talk to who can actually help you understand your own emotions and work on things to help you out these dark times.

go have a chat with your doctor, explain the situation and ask if they would be able to recommend someone to talk to about it....the feeling of not seeing your child is almost identical to the death of a loved one....bereavement.

or

Try contacting your local branch of Families need Fathers, most have local meetings where you can go along and have a chat about your case and how you are feeling. i found one 30miles from me was quite helpful to speak to others in the same position as me.

also i found this site very good for letting me vent off my frustrations and thoughts....there are a lot of very helpful and understanding members on here who will give you some very good advice.

Theres an old saying that i now try to use...."Don't let the b*stards grind you down".... fight for as long as you possibly can to keep in your childs life....and if it doesn't work out know that you did everything to the best of your ability and then when your child eventually seeks you out again you can look them in the eyes and say with truth and honor that you tried your hardest.

Don't take the cowards way out....your child doesn't deserve that burden!

its just so tough and now that my child is ten shes been brain washed against .trying to get courts to see that is tough i know cafcass are bringing some new parent alienation thing out in early spring .but my ex has decided that as long as child says they dont want contact thats what court will go with .
Where as if chikd was five the courts can decide for them its just so messed up the system

My child is also 10, my ex says exactly the same....and until 3yrs ago i was having weekly contact...she wouldn't allow it to extend further than what was in the court order...so...i asked court to vary the order to order the extended contact that to that point had only been an "expectation" in the court order for it to extend as can be agreed between us...that was never going to happen and so i applied to court and all contact was stopped by her.

it took months of delays, a judge ordered a fresh S7 report, a new CAFCASS officer was allocated the case and that's where my contact reduced to zero direct contact!
all based on the "expressed" wishes and feelings of a child who for 6mths at that point had been told how i was trying to take (child) away from her and how i was trying to have her put in prison.... honestly i'd love nothing less than that but the truth is it was never going to happen.
a "part time" judge rulled that based on the CAFCASS muppet S7 (and all it's inaccuracies) that fortnightly indirect contact only would be in best interests of (child)....what utter bull-[censored]!
totally refused to accept Parental Alienation was at play, refused to consider supervised contact, refused to allow an appeal have a fresh CAFCASS worker look at the case.
Job done...father removed from childs life in one total farse of a hearing.

fast forward 18mths fresh application to vary court order....new judge...rips in to the ex for her 5yrs of ignoring court orders...rips apart the previous court judgement (part time judge's judgement) as an absolute farse....rips apart the CAFCASS worker for not considering Parental Alienation....asks why Child pshycologist was not considered....is disapointed that previous judges were too niaive to think that the parents could "work out extra contact between them" given the case's long history of stopages in contact by the ex!

Is that a light at the end of the tunnel i see??? possibly...but i cannot pin my hopes on it....time will tell.

one thing i know, is that i have done all in my power with the financial constraints i have to be able to look my child in his eyes if he ever seeks me out and say....."i did everything i could with what i had" .... "and if you do not believe me then i have several boxes of proof you can read through"

Go have a talk with someone, us men are good at is pretending everything is OK to the outside world when inside it's falling apart....bottling it up will drive you insane.

Oh and don't hit the bottle....that doesnot help at all...it hurts the pocket and health! :}

My child is also 10, my ex says exactly the same....and until 3yrs ago i was having weekly contact...she wouldn't allow it to extend further than what was in the court order...so...i asked court to vary the order to order the extended contact that to that point had only been an "expectation" in the court order for it to extend as can be agreed between us...that was never going to happen and so i applied to court and all contact was stopped by her.

it took months of delays, a judge ordered a fresh S7 report, a new CAFCASS officer was allocated the case and that's where my contact reduced to zero direct contact!
all based on the "expressed" wishes and feelings of a child who for 6mths at that point had been told how i was trying to take (child) away from her and how i was trying to have her put in prison.... honestly i'd love nothing less than that but the truth is it was never going to happen.
a "part time" judge rulled that based on the CAFCASS muppet S7 (and all it's inaccuracies) that fortnightly indirect contact only would be in best interests of (child)....what utter bull-[censored]!
totally refused to accept Parental Alienation was at play, refused to consider supervised contact, refused to allow an appeal have a fresh CAFCASS worker look at the case.
Job done...father removed from childs life in one total farse of a hearing.

fast forward 18mths fresh application to vary court order....new judge...rips in to the ex for her 5yrs of ignoring court orders...rips apart the previous court judgement (part time judge's judgement) as an absolute farse....rips apart the CAFCASS worker for not considering Parental Alienation....asks why Child pshycologist was not considered....is disapointed that previous judges were too niaive to think that the parents could "work out extra contact between them" given the case's long history of stopages in contact by the ex!

Is that a light at the end of the tunnel i see??? possibly...but i cannot pin my hopes on it....time will tell.

one thing i know, is that i have done all in my power with the financial constraints i have to be able to look my child in his eyes if he ever seeks me out and say....."i did everything i could with what i had" .... "and if you do not believe me then i have several boxes of proof you can read through"

Go have a talk with someone, us men are good at is pretending everything is OK to the outside world when inside it's falling apart....bottling it up will drive you insane.

Oh and don't hit the bottle....that doesnot help at all...it hurts the pocket and health! :}

thanks for sharing mate i decided to day to stop feeling sorry and fight the courts and cafcass and ex and done my first workout for an hour and am going to focus on just doing the best i can for my child

Hey...it's a full on emotional rollercoaster fighting to stay in your childs life...we shouldn't have to go through it but unfortunately it's these blo*dy women we get ourselves involved with that control our children.

You'll have good days and bad days....when you get the bad days come and have a chat on here.

Come and have a chat on the good days, as well - helps others to know that they happen, and also helps you to look back sometimes to see the progress you are making,