[Solved] help plz

Hi, and welcome to the forum

Don't worry that your other post has vanished, I deleted that so that all answers appear on this one, as it makes it much simpler to follow.

First thing I want to ask is whether you want your son to go back to his mother at all, or do you want to keep him living with you? At the moment, because he is already living with you permanently, you are in a much stronger position to keep him than to fight for residency if you later want him back. I think once you've answered this question, we can take it further.

Well i would love to have my son 24/7 but didnt think that would be allowed as im a father n not a mother. But the last thing i want is for my son to grow up without his mother! she was a brill mum b4 she got ill! But the mother has now moved 200 miles away n not reply to any calls or txt, now im sure she is on the other end trying to get him to her but i dnt know were i stand?

I'll reply fully this evening, but I'm a father who has his children residing with him and had to fight to get it, so it can be done - so your starting point is that you are the resident parent and your ex would have to show why that should not continue. You are in a strong starting position.

Hi,

You're in a much better position than most fathers as your child lives with you and you should be seen to be the resident parent. As such you can control the level of contact your ex has with your son. Contact is the right of the child, not the parent. This means that your ex will have to use the courts to obtain a contact order or apply for residence.

ACTD will be able to advise you much better on this than I can, but could I just ask how long your son has been in your care? Is he registered with you, ie with the GP? Is child benefit paid to you?

Best wishes,

FM '70

Hi

FM 70 has pointed towards what I was going to say 🙂

Basically, you have been working under the idea thaty you are temporarily caring for your son, but will at some point be sending him back to your ex to live, at which point you will want contact (and have to make arrangements for this with a 200 mile gap between you and him).

The simple fact is that you have residency at the moment. You priority now is to get your son settled into a routine, have proper living space (hopefully he already has), regular friends etc, both for his sake and because the more settled he is, the more likely a court is going to order that he stays with you if your ex tries to go for residency. It's also slightly unorthodox, if your ex does try for residency, the longer the process takes, the more settled your son is going to be, and as I said, the more likely the outcome that the court awards residency to you, so while you have to comply with any court orders, you can drag out the process as much as possible.

The first thing I would suggest doing is nothing - ie, don't offer to hand your son back, don't apply for any orders, don't offer mediation, do nothing until you have to. The basic idea is that the longer you can delay the start of the process, the more your son is settled with you. While I appreciate that you want your son to have contact with his mum, and FM70 is completely correct that contact is the right of the child, you first priority is to have residency of your son so that you can look after his wellbeing in the long term.

Now, while you are doing nothing, you should also be gathering as much information as possible about what the procedures are for gaining a residence order, so that when, and if your ex starts to want your son, then you know what procedures you need to start, the first probably being to suggest mediation for your ex to have contact (and I stress, contact, not residency).

With regards to your point about a psychiatric assessment for your ex, it's something I would be asking for during proceedings - to be honest, if you have concerns for your son's safety or wellbeing, at the point where you are discussing contact, I would seriously consider suggesting that contact is initially supervised - that also applies if you think that your ex may take your son and not return him.

A very good starting point is yoji's guides to representing yourself (and hopefully yoji and others will pop on here and add more information, or alternatives) at the top of the legal sections, and assuming you don't currently have a solicitor, then you can call the Children's Legal Centre for free legal advice, but keep coming on here and we'll help and encourage all you can.