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Good Evening,
Ok... So back in March I got arrested at the family home in possession with a large amount of mdma, and growing 8 cannabis plants.
I was living with my ex partner, we originally split in Feb 2017 and there was an incident where I accidently pushed the door into my exes face during a heated argument (the door slammed shut behind me as I went out and there was a loud bang and I thought something had been thrown at the door, I attempted to open it and felt pressure behind it so I put some force in pushing it. I didn't realise it was a picture that had fallen from the wall and that she was behind the door picking it up. It was an accident and this was accepted. We ended the relationship but due to circumstance neither could leave the family home, in July 2017 she attempted to get me evicted by reporting the february incident to the police, i never got arrested or even interviewed so i perservered and just carried on living life. it was never heated and pretty amicable actually. In August she was verbally abusive in front of my son, who was scared and in tears, over something her daughter had said my son said, i reported this to the police and they wanted to arrest her, i managed to stop them doing that, in the instant that we still had to live there and didnt want to have animosity in the house.
things got better and we actually got back together in late October 2017, and everything was fine. Until March... my ex fell out with her ex and blocked his phone number so he could not speak to his daughter, then 3 days later the police came to do a welfare check on his daughter (not my son or our daughter), my ex let them in and the rest is history. Yes i was stupid and please dont judge me, we all make mistakes and by god am i paying for mine.
Social services got involved, i left the property due to the nature of the offence and am currently homeless, (sofa surfing), i lost my job and everything else. I went to rehab groups and counselling (i was never under the influence around the children but i did go out at weekends monthly and thats when i used to take drugs and was sober when i went home). Social services are no longer involved (because it wasnt a crack den and ive always worked etc etc... but they still advised against me returning to the family home. My ex was looking after my son (due to me being homeless and to avoid him being uprooted as its been stressful enough), i maintained paying my half of the rent and council tax, putting me more into debt to the point im so far deep its unbelievable.
My ex's ex is taking my ex to court to get custody of her daughter and that is why i stayed away from the house so i didnt add more fuel to the fire or give him any ammunition. Then my ex just out of the blue decided that she no longer wanted to do it (fair play for all she has done, ill never forget that but....), she dropped this on me at 9pm on a sunday.
I went to get my son and took him to my dads (nobody wants to leave a child where they are not welcome), i did get a bit angry, and hurt, but now apparently i was verbally abusive towards her and the children). Since then i have been seeing my little girl at weekends when im not working (ive since got my old job back and things started to look up), however i also suggested to her that I move back into the house (where i have a legal right to be) so i have a roof for mine and my sons head until i can sort something out. I then recieved threats from one of her friends which i took to the police (to which they did nothing), other than that i have not said hardly anything to her and have only picked up my daughter and dropped her back. Have been doing that since 21st October.
Then tonight i had a visit from the police and they have served me with a non molestation order and a court date of 27th November. I cannot afford a solicitor and me and my son are homeless, also all my sons possessions as well as mine are still at the house, also there is a load of lies in the order as well as stuff being omitted (like getting back togehter etc...).
Im not bothered about the house, at least if she gets this order against me for the occupation side of it, I am not making myself intentionally homeless with regards to the joint tenancy as a judge will force the issue. But i want my stuff, and my sons stuff as i cannot afford to start again with no money and a really really bad credit file.
i know the drugs side of it isnt right and ive learnt from that, also ive become a better person by being sober (i dont even drink)... yet she can still associate with known violent drug users with prison history for armed robbery etc. etc.. and im not allowed to say anything.
please advise, im at my wits end, i just want my stuff, a roof over mine and my sons head so i can also have my daughter over also and our possessions back and im fearful we will lose the lot.
Would your Dad be able to liaise with her to go and pick up your property?
I would always advise that a non mol order should be fought, if the allegations are false. Can you prove she is lying?
Have you contacted the council, with you having full responsibility for a child, they should have a responsibility to rehouse you both, certainly see where they stand on this.
Has the drugs case been resolved, or do you still have that to deal with also? Are Social Services involved with you and your child at the moment?
I won’t lie, you’re in a bit of a mess with it all, but try and deal with one thing at a time, as they come up... the non mol hearing is fairly soon, I would suggest that you prepare a brief position statement to take with you to the hearing, to tell the court your side of things. If you have any evidence to disprove her allegations, mention it in the statement and that you have it with you, should they wish to see it. Make copies to give to the other parties and for your own records.
If your Dad can’t sort out picking up,your belongings, bring it up in court and ask for the court s input to arrange for it to be handed over.
Best of luck
I agree with Mojo you're in a bit of a messy situation.
I STRONGLY agree that you prepare a statement (get 5 copies) and contest the non-mol if it's false. Also if possible if there are any witnesses to any of the claims that can dispute it. Take a brief statement off them and ask them if/when it goes to a hearing would they attend court. Regarding your possessions make a list as best you can if you fail to have them returned by the hearing date bring it up with the judge.
For the immediate future your prime responsibility is your son, focus your efforts on him and do your best fighting her in court. I have a non-mol and am appealing it as we speak with no legal representation either. It is possible to put up a [censored] good fight without them. Truth be told I've achieved way more in 8 days than my solicitor did in 2 months and that's sheer proof of the effort we, as dads go for our children.
It will take a lot of effort, it'll be a roller-coaster but your already turning a corner as you've acknowledged your mistakes and are learning from them. Take it step by step, focus on the immediate stuff first, son, housing, court, possessions.
Have you been in touch with the local council - since you and your son are now homeless, then you should be a high priority for housing. With regards to belongings, I would say that this is a lower priority - I can understand that you don't want to start again, but it's a matter of sorting out the highest priorities first.
If the Non Mol and Occupation Orders are upheld, the court will have to make provision for you and your son to get your belongings.
Could it be that she's applied for the Occupation Order for financial / housing gain herself?
I would have thought that having these orders against you would entitle you to some sort of housing help from your council. Most councils have a team that you can go to for housing advice & I would suggest trying to take advice from them before the hearing as the court are likely to ask about what help is available to you and your son.
Best of luck
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