[Solved] Help needed with residents order

If I have this correct, he resides with you and your ex has contact at the weekends. If that's the case, unless the court ordered you to do all of the travelling (which doesn't sound to be the case), then to comply with the contact order, you are required to make your son available for contact, not to take him there.

With regards to your son not wanting to go, I would say that because she refused to return him until the police became involved, then it wouldn't be unreasonable for you to go back to court to vary the order and write to her to inform her of your intention, and in the meantime, withhold staying contact.

Hi there

I agree with actd.

Was there any specific instructions in the existing order about who was to do the pick ups and drop offs? Is this every weekend?

Losing your job is a good enough reason to expect some flexibility as far as contact is concerned. I would write to her and inform her that due to her abusive and obstructive behaviour your son is refusing to spend the weekends with her, as he is worried she will stop him returning home. You should also make the point, that because of your work commitments, it's no longer possible for you to do drop offs on a Friday and suggest that contact is halted for a short time, to give your son a chance to settle down and that in the meantime, you welcome any suggestions she has to facilitate future contact that is workable for you all....pointing out that it was agreed in court that there would be some sharing of travel to facilitate contact.

You could also suggest mediation as a way to discuss the issues and find a way forward, but that would need to be where you live because of work and school commitments.

If you stop contact you are strictly speaking in breach of the order, however if you write to her and explain why and offer to mediate to find a solution, then if she does apply for enforcement, you can show that you are acting in your sons best interests....so keep copies of all correspondence.

Before an application to vary the order can be made you would need to attend mediation first, if this failed the mediator would then be able to sign off the form to enable an application.

Best of luck

Hi thank you so much for your help full replies.
The order states that I must make my son available for contact and I must do the drop offs and pick ups but I only agreed this due to her step father saying they would help with pick ups as our son would be going there for the weekends.
But due to my full time job I've been told I can't keep having the Fridays off to do this and if it continues I will lose my job. I can't afford to lose it as we get no help from my sons mum towards clothing etc so we are bringing up 2 children in a family home.
She's basically said if I don't bring him to her she will get the courts to return our son to her where he will then live. She said to our son if daddy doesn't bring you to me then pick u up I will go to court and get it that you live back here. He's upset and said he will run away if that happens as he made it clear to his guardian and solicitor where he wanted to live etc.
I'm just very stuck as can't afford a solicitor.

It's quite unusual that you would be expected to undertake all the travel. Does the order state that the mother's family would assist with this?

You would need to attempt mediation as has been stated. I would still try to write to the mother in the first instance to resolve the issue, then attempt mediation to get the C100 signed off. You would then need to make an application to vary the order as Mojo has said.

Hi there

Your son lives with you and this has been the case for some time, it won't be a matter of getting the court to return him to her, they will do what is best for your son and there would generally have to be serious safeguarding concerns for them to reverse the existing order.

If she takes it back to court and you can show that you are acting in your sons best interests, by communicating with her and asking for suggestions to move things forward, I very much doubt she would be successful.

By telling your son that she intends to remove him she has created anxiety for your son as he is happy with you and doesn't want to be moved, if you write to her make this point and impress upon her that by drawing your son into this she has caused him great distress. Also point out that if she chose to return to court, at his age his wishes and feelings carry much weight, as was the case last time and that he would be better served if you can both reach an agreement without involving him further. It's important to make these points in writing, as you then have a record of what has gone on.

You are also entitled to claim maintenance from her if she is working or has an income.

You don't need a solicitor, many members here have managed well without one to be honest and we will do our best to advise and support you if you need to take this further.

Find a mediator near to where you live and go along, they would then invite her to attend. As your son lives with you then any mediation/court would need to be in your area not hers.

Try not to worry and reassure your son that it's not as easy as she thinks and you will sort it all out, I would try and keep him out of it as much as you can though. It might be a good idea to have a chat with school and let them know that he is quite distressed at the moment, they can offer him some pastoral care; someone he can talk to in confidence about his worries. This kind of action idemonstrates that you are putting your sons feeling first should it end up back in court.

All the best

If I took it back to vary the order could the mum apply to read get residents)??

She could try, courts are loathe to chop and change and as I said, there would need to be serious risk of harm to him before they would move him. If it went back to court the judge would read through the case papers from last time.

It might also be worth pointing out to her that by involving your son and distressing him, he is threatening to run away and she runs the risk of alienating him further if she continues with her threats to return to court. Tell her that she isn't acting in his best interests by threatening to drag it back to court and instead of being obstructive she should think about working with you in creating a positive environment and not one of conflict. Explain that you must work to provide for him and that all courts do expect parents to be flexible when changes in circumstances occur. Tell her you have taken advice and because of your sons distress you are acting in his best interests by allowing him a break u til things settle down.

All in writing of course.

Thank you so much for your replies they have really helped. It took me 6 years and 4 court cases to finally get what our son wanted I just want an easy settled life with my son wife and step son.