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Hello, I hope this is the right place to ask for advice.
I have 2 children with a partner I seperated with about 8 years ago. Since then I have had my children every other weekend and a day during the week also. I have always paid CMS.
My relationship with my ex partner has always been rocky. She has used the children against me many times, telling me if I don't do XYZ then she will not let me see the kids, or that I am a bad dad etc.
She is married now and has 2 children with her husband. Around the birth of her 2nd child things got very difficult. I believe this is due to her struggling to cope.
Since then she called the police on me stating that I had hurt one of my children. The police looked inot this and said there was no further action was needed. She then contacted the social services with the same complaint, all the while refusing to let me have unsupervised contact with my children.
Whilst waiting for the social report to be complete I was adviced to go to court to get a contact order. I am currently in the process of doing so and have had a call with CAFCASS.
Recently I received the outcome from the social care report. There are many inaccuracies in the report both from what my ex partner has said regarding our relationship. She accuses me of domestic violence during the relationship which ended 8 years ago which is completely untrue. Since we broke up she has invited me into her home alone, been in the car with me, asked me for a hug when she was having problems with her husband, and there was a few sexual encounters around 7 years ago too.
She also says in the report that I am controlling and abusive. When infact she is the one that says things like I cannot have my children this week because I've "upset her" or "haven't given me extra money" etc.
I do have many messages and calls recorded where she has made such threats.
I am really sickened that the social report seems so biased. There are many instances in there where their mother and step dad have done something wrong but this is completly looked over, whereas with me it is kept in the light (small things like smacking of hands when misbehaving).
I am really at a loss for what to do. The court initial hearing is soon. Will they be able to provide an interm court order so I can finally see my children?
Will they be biased too and believe all my ex partners false claims? Will they ask her to prove all the stuff she says?
It makes me sick that someone can make up lies about someone and it ends up in a formal report...
What can I do?
Hi there
The court will see that you’ve had contact with your kids more or less for the last eight years, if you were so abusive during your relationship, why did she agree to overnight stays in the first place.
Whenever allegations of domestic violence have been made, the court has a duty to investigate, as the children’s safety is their priority. However, once it has been looked at, without evidence to back up the allegations, the court are likely to want to move the case on and get some contact started.
Have you received the safeguarding letter from cafcass? Often they will make recommendations to the court about the next steps, this may be to restart contact, or it may be to ask for more in-depth welfare reports. It’s really difficult to predict what might happen.
Try not to second guess what might happen, reports can often feel one sided, but you should be given the opportunity to write a statement and give your side of things, if you have evidence that you have been controlled and contact with the children used against you, you can attach this to your statement.
Just take it a step at a time, remain child focused and stay cLm and reasonable, the process can seem slow moving, but with the right attitude you will get there.
Unless you asked for an interim order for contact on your application, you may not get contact at the first hearing, but you can ask for it, if it looks unlikely, offer contact in a contact centre, or supervised with a trusted family member. Although from what you say, you’re already seeing them supervised, hopefully this will be agreed to continue.
All the best
Thank you for the reply.
Her reasoning for now only stopping contact is that for the past 8 years she has not had the courage to "stand up to me". The allegations of domestic violence are from over 8 years ago too, they are total lies. If something had happened why did she not call the police at the time or report it then etc.
I have had a call with cafcass where they asked questions regarding safeguarding. I have a first court hearing at the beginning of June.
With the social report a lot of it is very one sided, and the social worker has not included many things that I said into her report which seems very biased and unfair. I do have evidence to disprove my ex partners claims, but when will I be given the opportunity to challenge this?
I have not asked for an interim order because I was unsure where to do so. I just filled in the original court application and stated that I wanted contact with my children. Can I ask for an interim order at the initial hearing?
I have offered to use a contact centre but my ex partner at the time refused saying "it wasn't good for the boys emotional needs". She lets me see the boys at her mums house for about an hour a week, although some weeks she won't allow me to as her parents are away. One week she said I could not as her mum was sick, I asked her dad and he said she was not sick so it just looks like she is trying to find ways to stop me seeing my children. I have offered to meet her and the kids at a park etc also but she ignores this.
happy, please dont get worked up about the allegations. if you have been reading other cases on here, you will see there is a consistent pattern. if you do end up in court, surprise surprise, the ex will turn up, with legal aid. all fees paid for by the taxpayer. when cafcass interviewed me, they didnt even bother ask me about some of the rubbish the ex alleged, as it had nothing to do with the children.
first the ex will make allegations to try stop you seeing your children. if that fails, then they will rely on domestic violence allegations in order to claim legal aid, if your both heading to court.
It might be helpful if you prepare a brief two page position statement to take with you to the hearing, just to give a little more detail about the background to your case and what you would like the court to do, you could mention that you would like an interim order for contact with your children, that you have been having contact that is supervised by her parents, but it’s inconsistent and as you pose no risk to your children, you would like contact to progress to unsupervised at your own home.
I’ll link you to some information about how to prepare a position statement, with format.
All the best
Here's those links to info about how to structure statements and also a template that you can use.
www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/positionstatements.html
Template ~
www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/statement.html
A good website with info in plain english, some court videos to watch too.
www.mfjc.co.uk
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