[Solved] Help

Hi womak,

I'm especially surprised at this. Indirect contact being ordered for such a lengthy period is, in my opinion very unhelpful and quite frankly, should not happen.

I have to say is there more to this? Whats the backstory? It seems highly unusual for a Judge to have ordered such a thing.

When you are granted PR by the Courts, yes you have Parental Responsibility.

You ex can bring up Child Support arrears, but remember, Contact and arrears are not linked (rightly or wrongly). If you are in arrears, a good defence to that may be that you recognise you are in arrears but you are doing your utmost to keep up to date with payments and arrears... only use this if you can hand on heart say you are attempting to do so.

I was awarded letters a few months ago.I forgot her birthday and didnt send a few letters and now Ex has obviously told my daughter to tell cafcass that she doesnt want to see me.In the report it says "X says she is happy and doesnt want or need her biological father in her life".There was a previous cafcass report and they saying i dint use any information contained in it when i wrote to my daughter.My daughter wanted a picture of me &my family and wanted to know personal things like what my job is,what my house looks like etc.I know my ex would get that info also so i dint want to provide any details.I told her i'll take her to Spain etc but she didnt write back.
Is this the end of the road?Will the judge always go by recommendations in a CAFCASS report?My ex has blocked my name going on birth certificate because she wants my origional name on there.I changed it and moved and didnt inform the CSA for a few years.I have the same name as my wife-i want that name on the birth certificate.
I want my daughter to meet my step daughters-they're the same age and my wife wants her to come and stay.What can i say in my statement to tell the judge.I've never met my daughter.I left ex when she was pregnant-she knew i didnt want any more kids.I've already got a grown up daughter,didnt need any more.Now im married with these step children i want to keep my wife happy as she's always wanted to know about my daughter.

Womak,

I suspect that your daughter doesnt actually want to see you off her own bat rather than your ex telling her. You havent seen your daughter at all in her 7 years of life. She was then curious about you, and wanted to know some reasonable information about you and have a picture - You refused in case it got back to her mother. You didnt stick to the indirect contact that the court had ordered on a previous basis, and instead of listening to the advice on here, you insisted on demanding direct contact taking a 7 year daughter you had never met EVER away to Spain to play happy families with your new wife and her kids.

You have NO right to see your daughter. You daughter has a right to see you, but frankly despite your number of posts on here, you have done nothing at all to show that you are willing to do what is in the best interests and the most beneficial way to your daugter, rather than what you think you are entitled to.

It now appears from your last post that you are not doing this because you want to know your daughter, only to keep your wife happy.

Judges usually go with the CAFCASS reccomendations, so I would guess that unless you are willing to engage with your daughter and acknowledge that this means your ex will actually get some information about you, it is in fact the end of the road.

And im sorry if that comes across as harsh, but its going to be really mild in comparison to what the exs solicitor says about you!

I think you need to think carefully about whether you actually want contact with your daughter, and if you do accept that this means that there is a process to follow.

Step up, pay child support, put aside your differences with her mother, and stop thinking that you can have a relationship with your daughter yet keep her mother completely in the dark about your life. Write letters to your daughter, answer her prefectly reasonable questions about you, send photos of yourself and your family. Visit her here and get to know her.

Your daughter deserves this, she deserves to know her dad.

well said Tony.
I know peeps come on the site for advise, and hes been given lots and lots.
It would be like expecting your daughter to get in a strangers car, how traumatic that would be. she is 7 not 17. mate give up and get on with your new life, pay your maintanance and send you dd a letter now and then, but dont expect contact untill shes old enough to make her own mind up. You changed your name to avoid paying now u want to be her daddy, watch out new wife !!!!

I bwas given indirect contact-2letters a year.I got there late so didnt really know i could oppose it.My mate said i should have my day in court.I represent myself-can i get the ex to go on the stand so i can ask her directly why she's poisoned my daughters mind against me?I dont believe a 7year old should have the choice of not meeting her father.
Is this case now over?Ex sat there all smug saying my daughter needs a break from the pressure of this.I know for a fact my ex has been taking my daughter swimming,trip to Greenwich etc after life story work with cafcass-it cant have been THAT stressful.I think i will join fathers for justice,i need help to prove ex has poisoned my child.

Womak,

The court is only concerned about your daughter's well being.

You walked out on your daughter when she was two days old and have not seen her for seven years. Your daughter has NO memory of you. It is likely that the mother may have made negative comments about you, but then you did dump her after a five year relationship when she became pregnant with your daughter. If you treat people badly these are the consequences...

... the court wanted to try and reintroduce you into your daughters life slowly. This is why they ordered indirect contact through writing letters to your daughter to help her build up an image of who you are and what you're like. This was a responsible decision by the court and it was made in the best interests of your daughter. You do not have a track record when it comes to dependability and you have reinforced this by neglecting to keep up with court ordered correspondence.

This is all on you Womak, not the mother and certainly not your daughter. If you don't like the truth, don't post on here. You don't listen to the advice that's given. You just want people to agree with you and we don't. It may be best if you stopped posting on here?

If you want advice please contact the Coram Children's Legal Centre directly. There's a link to their website at the foot of this page. The advice is free if you are representing yourself.

...I believe this gentleman has selective hearing FM!

I seem to remember during his last spate of posts, he stated he was only doing it because his wife wanted him to!

Womak you appear to have no intention of following through with any of the courts recommendations, and you seem incapable of putting your childs needs first. My advice to you is either shape up or shut up!