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thank you for adding me,
I'm going to start by giving the basic story over the last few years, obviously i'm having to keep it a bit vague, but i trying to get the basic idea across.
I have a daughter whom i've not had any contact with in almost double figure years, it was me that made the choice to see her due to everytime i had contact with her mother it was an argument (usually over something she was demanding), to top it off me son lives 3 counties away, which i had to do all the travelling to see.
Over the past few months i've been trying to make contact, which she is blocking, i've also been in contact with the school trying to get reports and the same with medical reports.
She left me no option but to take her to court to get to see my daughter, we have since been to court and they have gone with cafcass and said they are leaving it up to my daughter to decide whether or not she wants to see me, but i'm not happy about this as she is being manipulated by her mother.
I will be writing a letter to my daughter, but my questions are, do i go in to depth about what has happened or do i keep it light,
Is there any way of getting it to my daughter without her mother seeing it first (and possibly not giving it to our daughter).
Also is there anything else i can do?
Hi there and welcome to the forum.
I have moved your post to the Legal Eagle section where it should get more exposure.
Unfortunately, I would not advise trying to get a letter to your daughter without her mother knowing and particularly whilst the court process is ongoing. Cafcass should explain to her and get her wishes and feelings in a neutral setting such as school in order to complete their report.
Depending on what your daughter says she wants to happen, the court will then make a decision. This could be anything from indirect contact (letters, cards etc) through to building up to unsupervised contact.
If Cafcass have asked you to write a letter I would advise keeping it brief, focus on some positive memories the two of you may share and express how much you would like to see her and develop your relationship. It would be unfair to burden her with all of the issues and especially at such a young age.
I think for now you will have to follow the court process and hope for the best, it's not an easy or quick process I know and that can make it very upsetting and frustrating. We are here if you need support or to ask further questions.
She left me no option but to take her to court to get to see my daughter, we have since been to court and they have gone with cafcass and said they are leaving it up to my daughter to decide whether or not she wants to see me, but i'm not happy about this as she is being manipulated by her mother.
Its not clear if your case is over, but the older the child the more weight their wishes and feelings will carry. It's very difficult to prove Parental Alienation, in fact some courts and agencies don't accept this exists, common as it is.
I will be writing a letter to my daughter, but my questions are, do i go in to depth about what has happened or do i keep it light,
As tempting as it is, please keep your letters light and avoid trying to discuss what has happened between you and her mother. You can tell her things like you think about her all the time and how much you miss her and how you wish with all your heart that things could have been different. Talk about your life, what you like to do, holidays, what you do at work, that kind of thing. Try and use your letter as a way of letting her get to know you....better to look forward and not back. Once you have re established a close bond then she may want to talk about what happened, but it must be her that initiates that conversation.
Is there any way of getting it to my daughter without her mother seeing it first (and possibly not giving it to our daughter).
I completely agree with Yoda, it's baby steps to begin with and lots of patience.
Also is there anything else i can do?
As Yoda said, the process can be upsetting and frustrating, it will take time but if you show gentleness, kindness and understanding to your daughter she may begin to respond. Good luck
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