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Hi, im new to this forum, im here to looks for tips and advice from other dads whove been in my situation.
Im 29, in full employment, never been out of work, own place. I have a 6 year old daughter with my ex. I see my daughter on average about 10 hours per week, mainly one day at a weekend. Now and again im allowed to pick her up from school, take her for her tea then drop her back for 7pm. The mother refuses to allow our daughter to spend the night at mine or with my side of the family.
This is despite my daughter and I having a great bond and a lovely bedroom all kitted out and ready for her. My family, especially her great gran would love to have her over too. My daughter has also expressed her wish to stay with me on several occasions recently.
My ex has a new man, well approx. 8 months. He seems a nice fella, I have no qualms with him. Its just really hard when my daughter goes to his house with the mother for weekends, go on holiday, and spends evening with my daughter when I am not even allowed to say good night.
It really breaks my heart. I have applied for mediation, I did this before Christmas, The mother has finally just come back and agreed to attend on 9th March! if the issues can not be resolved then, as much as I cant afford it I am willing to go to court. I think to cut costs I would be looking for a Mckenzie friend..any tips on these please?
Anybody else in my boat? Cheers guys
Hi there
If mediation is not successful, the mediator can stamp the C100 form you will need to apply for a Child Arrangement Order. To be fair, 9th March seems a ridiculous amount of time to wait for a first mediation appointment, is that the mother's choice or the mediator's? I would certainly be trying to bring that forward.
As there seems to be no safeguarding issues, just that your ex has disproportionate control over your daughter's arrangements, you should have no problem increasing your current contact to at least alternate full weekends and some contact midweek.
It's not so hard to self rep at court, there's a wealth of information in the stickies at the top of our Legal Eagle section. There's a really good book by Lucy Reed called 'Court Without a Lawyer' that's worth a read too.
McKenzie Friends are unregulated so get a recommended one. MF's can help you prepare for and attend court with you. They cannot address the court unless the judge invites them to do so but they can talk quietly to you and provide guidance and support throughout the hearing.
Some of our members have used MF's and might be able to recommend. Also, feel free to ask any of the moderators and we might be able to point you in the right direction depending on what area you live in.
Good luck
Hi There
I used a McKenzie friend on Feb 2016 & In the previous 5 court appearances. (My mother).
The more appearances you make the easier it becomes, the mother solicitor is well versed & will use your inexperience against you, clear & concise is a good option, you will be allowed a chance to speak so keep your cool until you are asked, try not to speak over the judges or the clerk, if lucky like I was the clerk & judges will help you, don,t be afraid to ask questions of the clerk, it is FREE if the respond & it is better to ask & be denied than to no ask..
Ask your McKenzie friend to make notes about everything the opposition says, it can be hard work collating the paperwork especially later on in the case, my bundle was in excess of 400 pages.
Hope this helps
Good luck
Hello, thank you for the responses 🙂 I apologise for my late reply! Yes unfortunately 9h March was the Mothers decision, it is not ideal for me and I am just coming off night shift then have to work again that nigh, but as has always been the case, I have to dance to her tune.
An issue I am worried about is that people keep saying "Oh you will get alternate weekends etc" But I work shifts, I could not commit to that. I do however have my rota for the next 12 months, what I would like is to be adult about things and work through what days and times work for us. Im sure there are other Fathers who have had this issue, how have they managed around it? I am intrigued. Thankyou
Hi there
I hope mediation is successful for you both. Please bare in mind, it's worth asking for a little more contact than you would like (both in court or mediation) so that you can be seen to compromise or negotiate. Any agreement you make in mediation is not legally binding.
If you work shifts, the court will take that into account. It won't be hard to set a schedule if your rota is worked out that far in advance. For instance, you could ask that the order contains something along the lines of 'parties to agree contact schedule every ?? weeks'. Working out a years worth of contact might be unrealistic simply because you will all have things to work around.
With regard to Sienna having their mother in attendance as a McKenzie Friend. This is highly unusual, McKenzie Friend rules state that the MF should not have a personal interest in the case. A judge can use their discretion on this matter, however if the other side objected to a person of this nature being in the hearing, it would likely be upheld. Some judges will allow it but it is extremely rare.
Good luck, let us know how you get on.
Thanks again 🙂 I am more than happy to use up some of my holiday entitlement as well to help accommodate. Also, I have spoken to a couple of MF and the general price seems to be around £800. This is a little beyond my budget. I have taken a lot of encouragement from this site for representing myself. So if the mediation fails, that is something I will seriously consider
Hi There,
.
Hopefully you will get a good enough result through mediation, however if you don't and you need to apply to court, the just represent yourself, it isn't as bad as you would think, if you feel you need help in prepping before the court date then maybe have a chat with an MF and ask what it would cost to help with that only as that may be more managable.
.
I went through court alone and it isn't too bad, my case wasn't overly complicated though just a stubborn ex who wanted to dictate.
.
GTTS
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