[Solved] Hello - Going to court advice?

I cant post the follow up. I have emailed dad.info and PM'd a mod. Can anyone help?

Dear all,

Would appreciate your advice,

Background:
I have a 2.5 year old daughter (X) with a former short term partner (A). I dont have parental responsibility.
We separated before X was born. 'A' moved some distance away. Once X was born we were on good terms (not in a relationship) and I saw X frequently. Several times each month for several days and sometimes a week. Both our families were involved and things were positive. We'd stay at each others homes and spend some weekends away together on a platonic basis for benefit of X and all our enjoyment.
I'd have X for several overnight stays and we'd handover halfway on pick up and drop off. Family members helped us with this too as we both have busy, shift-work jobs.
We had arranged private maintenance payments between us.

Unfortunately things deteriorated just over a year ago. I suspect due to me meeting a new partner (B) although A denies this.
Her language and approach towards me started to deteriorate for no reason. Lots of dragging up past issues, relatively minor, issues from before X was born. Not communicating as much or as well. Not agreeing to me having X as much. Applying to child maintenance to arrange payments via them. For no real reason. I have complied with all they have asked and pay monthly on time.
Out of the blue I received lawyers letters with a series of requests for changes to the existing arrangements. I replied myself and politely refused essentially all of them. They were unnecessary and restricted my access both directly and indirectly. Family members have been stopped from being involved which makes arrangements difficult.

Things deteriorated and we ended up going to mediation. This essentially proved fruitless with no improvements in access. 'A' has mental health issues which make reasoned discussion and negotiation difficult. She deserves support and sympathy but her issues and inability to move forward are having a negative impact on me seeing X. Everything is an issue or a problem. All communications are twisted negatively. I receive no updates about X. Just negative, accusatory and abusive messages. This has let to me minimizing my communications with A.

I have sent lots of available weekend and week dates to A that I could have X - months in advance. These are not acknowledged or taken up. Some are declined at short (eg 7-10 days) notice and sometimes alternate dates are offered at short notice even though I'm working or have arrangements.

This has all result in me only having X only 3 times this year, usually only for 24 hours despite lots of weekends offered and lots of notice. I previously had her twice a month for whole weekends or weeks. 'A's' busy schedule is often given as a reason.

Other background- i have another 3 month old child 'Y' with 'B'. They live separately to me but are on great terms and they come and stay over when X is visiting so that Y can build a relationship. They have only met twice. X and B have a great relationship.

I think the time has come for me to take legal steps. I've tried all other things, talking, asking, pleading, mediation (i have the paperwork needed).
I am in the position where I would like to apply to court. I'm not sure of the correct terminology or steps but think i apply to family court for a child arrangements order. I' starting my research now.
I will need to represent myself as I cant afford a lawyer.
I want to take this step to try and gain better access and to ensure I'm present in my daughters life. This is for me but I also believe it is of benefit to her.
I am prepared for the worst and the court not to make a decision I agree with. If so then I will just move on with my life and do the best I can. Easier said than done but I think I'm in a strong emotional place at the moment.

Questions:
1. Any suggestions, thoughts, guidance from those with experience or knowledge?
2. Is there a step by step guide anywhere i can follow?
3. Any good links for information on the process and steps?
4. Should i apply to my local court or the local court where X and A live?
5. Do i just complete and send a CM100? Anything else to do?
6. I'm considering applying for parental responsibility (i have asked already but A refused). Are there any cons to this?
7. Do i apply locally to me or them?
8. Can i combine the application or are there two separate processes?
9. Should i mention A's mental health issues? I haven't before even to the mediator. They are factual and professionally diagnosed by her doctors. I think they are causing difficulty in her being objective or being reasoned. This is a recognized part of her issues in my opinion. I don't want it to appear negative or for A to be cast in a negative light due to the issues she has. I just think they are part of the reason we havent been able to reach amicable solutions.
10. What should i ask for? More than i want? A is someone who likes to feel like shes won and always negotiates EVERYTHING down. I read that i should just ask for what I want but i know that will become diluted?
11. Can/should i ask for reinstatement about meeting half way or involving my family to make it easier for us to meet and arrange handover? There are a number of reason why this would be good for X and for me.
12. Can/should i ask for longer time on a weekend rather than the 24 hours is deteriorated into. Most of that 24hrs for X is spent in the car or asleep? A will say she cant due to her schedule.
13. Despite our shift work should i just pick a regular weekend (eg 4th each month) and arrange work around this?
14. Will living separately from Y and B be seen as an issue in terms of stable environment or other problems? I suspect B would move in to support my application if i asked. We would both be comfortable with this.
15. Should i mention that i could/would cut down work hours in order to facilitate more time with X. I would do this but i dont feel i should have to and i love my job. I'd resent doing this just to meet A's schedule.

Many thanks in advance. All feedback welcome.

DP

hi,

I think it would be easier to take things one step at a time. you mentioned you have paperwork from mediation? does it state that mediation failed and you can apply to court?

if thats the case, then head to:

https://apply-to-court-about-child-arrangements.service.justice.gov.uk/?utm_source=formfinder

complete the c100 child arrangement order form. We can give you advice if you get stuck. it costs £215 to submit the application.

Thank you Bill337.

I haven't looked at the form yet so will see what info is required. I think it's an online application now.

Do you or anyone have abby suggestions for my other queries that relate to this?
Mainly a guide, which court, whether to apply for parental responsibility at the same time if possible?
And/or any of the others?

I'll post back as I do the form.
Thank you
DP

How far away do you now live from your ex. This will potentially affect how much time you will get with your daughter.

Also what was your contact before and what are you hoping to get . Whatever you suggest to ex or family courts if you go there will need to be set times and days or in line with a rota if its in a cycle and changes say every week.

How very sad that a workable arrangement has deteriorated in this way. The AdviceNow site has guides for applying for a child arrangements order and applying for parental responsibility without the help of a lawyer which you may find helpful

Hi

Bout 150 miles. Would I apply to their local court or the one where I live?
I had twice a month for a whole weekend. Fri to sun. Sometimes longer.
It's now 3 times this year for a day or two at a time. Fri to sat.
I would love it to be it was before. Once a month for a weeknd and half of holiday's/ special occasions would be nice and feels possible. Should I ask for more and be negotiated down though?

I and my work are happy to changed to fixed times. I just can't work to her mums timetable with 7-10 days notice

In quite prepared for the court to say no to whatever I suggest and tell me to get lost. I just owe it to myself and my daughter to try. I just want to be there for her in a meaningful way. Even if a court had a different definition of meaningful. I just hope it's not 4-8 says a year like it has been reduced to now.

Apologies for rambling!

Thank you. Entirely sad and unnecessary.
My poor girl in the middle of this. Does make me think whether withdrawing would be better so she's not stuck in the middle. Im not concerned about being bad mouthed. That already happening and outside my control.

Thank you for the suggestion. I'll check them out

hi,

you should be able to get standard arrangement from court, like every other weekend fri-sun, a mid-week visit of a few hours. when child is older, can look at doing mid-week overnight stays. half of school holidays.

because you live so far away, it's unlikely you would be able to do the mid-week contacts.