[Solved] He tried to kill himself

hi,

naturally he will be weakened due to his declining mental health, and abuse suffered over all those years. you should talk to him about getting counselling/therapy - https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/relationship-counselling

@Bill337, I though long about this particular situation last night. My neighbour, let’s call him A, has a son, and a daughter, the daughter was alienated from him, and she hates him. It breaks his heart, it’s a lost cause.

His son, let’s call him B, fell in love with a girl, let’s call her C, who had two children -from a previous relationship. She erased the father of these children from their lives. When this father fought to see the children, A, who as mentioned above, who lost his own daughter to alienation, condoned this behaviour.

One of C’s children showed signs of emotional decline, so she finally asked the father to have the child live within him. He immediately stopped the mother having contact with the child, and forced her to take him to court for access.

Meanwhile, through the years, B and C had children of their own.

It’s obvious that C is emotionally abusing B, and that she has now cutoff his support network and that B’s own father is scared to support him for fear of hurting this woman’s feelings.

It’s a very complex situation, but none of those involved seem prepared to get appropriate emotional support or guidance, generations upon generations of children are being born into these crazy family situations, having children of their own, who have children of their own, all perpetrating or experiencing abuse, and all relying on the family system to resolve these issues.

The family court system is a joke, it did not work 30 years ago, and it does not work today.

Judges, barristers, solicitors might like to think that their years of training and experience makes a difference, they may feel that dragging out these hearings with repeated reports and assessments helps, and no doubt they are encouraged by the social workers and other professionals, but to me it seems like a complete waste of time.

This is turning into a rant, but it’s obvious that divorce damages everyone involved, that the court process make this damage a whole lot worse, and that children involved in this process are going to suffer emotionally.

It could be a whole lot simpler. We know children benefit from a relationship with both parents, so we need a presumption of 50/50 residency and parents should be expected to redefine and restructure their lives to make this work.

Take the billions spent on social workers, courts, judges and barristers and create a body of family law liaison officers, out in the community, on a daily basis, monitoring and encouraging families to make this work, from a place of committed caring.

If one parent inflicts emotional abuse by hindering a relationship with the other parent, send them to jail. Then when they get put, encourage them to work for the benefit of the children, work to give these kids committed, loving parents who strive for their children’s best interests, regardless of their own emotional baggage.

Jails are filled with folk who have broken some moral code, or stolen something quite insignificant, when compared with the destruction of a child’s emotional self.

It’s time those who abuse children and use the courts to do so seen the inside of a cell, and non resident fathers and mothers who are perfectly willing and able to raise their children, had the shackles of the family court system removed.

are you with fathers 4 justice?

courts are not perfect but they are there to help if any parent's need them. worked pretty well for me. some parents have been jailed for nasty behaviour like alienation, but happens rarely.

Hi Bill. No, I have never been in contact with Fathers 4 Justice. I had some support a few years ago from Families Need Fathers, but to be honest, many of those I have interacted with, who are involved in these groups, seem just a bit anti women.

I know there are many women who suffer parental alienation, many women who struggle in the family courts, and I also recognise that the issue is not gender based... The reality is, whoever takes custody of the child in the first instance, while refusing contact with the other parent, is likely to “win” the majority of the parenting time with the children.

As you know, it’s deemed “in the best interests of the children “ to maintain the status quo.

It’s quite sad really. All of it.

Are you with any of the fathers groups ?

hi,

no i am not involved with any fathers groups. i don't disagree really with court ordering my kids to live with their mum. i think they are better placed there. if my work commitments could become more flexible in future, then I would love to have my kids around as often as possible.

The problem is that if it ends up in court, then by definition, there has been conflict in the situation, so someone isn't going to be happy with whatever is ordered, so any court decision has to be a best compromise on the basis of the information they have to hand (which may not be correct, but that's not necessarily the fault of the court).

There are large numbers of divorced parents who do work together constructively for the benefit of the children (and ultimately, their own wellbeing), but those people generally don't need to come on forums for advice so we don't hear about those.

The problem is that if it ends up in court, then by definition, there has been conflict in the situation, so someone isn't going to be happy with whatever is ordered, so any court decision has to be a best compromise on the basis of the information they have to hand (which may not be correct, but that's not necessarily the fault of the court).

There are large numbers of divorced parents who do work together constructively for the benefit of the children (and ultimately, their own wellbeing), but those people generally don't need to come on forums for advice so we don't hear about those.

Yes, court is where conflict resides. In my experience, very often, that conflict is one sided, and many of those who enter, are not trying to achieve anything more that a basic relationship with their children, one that has been hindered by the other parent. Problem is, that hindrance creates what is often perceived as a settled home environment.

Let’s not forget, that the creation of this environment often has financial benefits attached.

It’s a joke. The courts have reduced children to a commodity.

Bill. I honour your openness and truth. If everyone involved in the courts and child residency process had the strength to be this open, it would make life a lot easier for the children.

I have never felt my children’s needs or welfare was best met by “living” with their mother. That is why I wanted to exit the relationship in the first instance, not because I could not live with her or her antics, but because I realised they should not be exposed to it. Through this process, with some psychological and therapeutic advice, I have come to see, that it is not in their interest to have any contact with her whatsoever.

I think I avoided that conclusion earlier because I feared the damage her removal from their life may cause, which I now realise is less than if she remains in their life, but also, to be totally honest, I was trying to avoid the responsibility associated with that decision. For a year now I had hoped the court would see for itself that she was dangerous, and should play no part on their life, now I realise I have to man up and actively petition the court.

It’s not a nice place to be in, my daughters may grow to hate me when they grow up and eventually connect with her, but if I do a good job as a parent, they will be better prepared for that eventuality.

If she stay in their life while they are children, they will never recover.

Let’s not forget, that the creation of this environment often has financial benefits attached.

yes no doubt about the financial benefits. after 5 court hearings, and as i am about to start a new job, she is already causing problems. i told her if i can not work, i can not pay maintenance :whistle: