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Having just gone through the painful of process of a divorce and being a Dad going for custody of my 3 children with everybody telling me I stand no chance, well I want to give that bit of hope to all Dad's who find themselves in this position as I have now been awarded a Residency Order for the 3 most precious things in my life. It was draining both emotionally and financially but that matters not when you genuinely believe you can offer a better upbringing for your children.
Hi bdm and welcome 🙂
It would be great if you could tell us a bit more about yourself, and your "journey".
Absolutely. Had been seperated for 2 years with the children staying with me for one week and with mum the next. This was all working well when mum decided to up stiacks and move to be near her mum out the blue and, without my knowledge, applying for new schools for the children. When I found out I went straight to the Solicitors and, under guidance, applied for a Prohibited Steps Order. Went to Court where I wasa told by a Distict Judge not be ridiculous, I would never get a Residency Order but I would get to see plenty of my kids on holidays and alternate weekends! My solicitor, who turned out to be brilliant in the end, initially said well that's that but if you want to try again with a District Judge then I could but that's up to you! I was in complete disarray and didn't know what to do but after talking to my new partner who knew how I really felt she told me to give it one more go and I am so glad I did.
I went in front of another District Judge who stated that such a decision could not be made without a CAFCASS Report so he granted a Prohibited Stepsd Order for a 6 week period so a CAFCASS Report could be produced. I had heard many things about CAFCASS but the Officer who came explained that they were not bothered about me being a Dad but were only interested in what was best for the children. When the children were interviewed, which I found really difficult, it was clear that all 3 were settled with me, settled at school and had their own social circles of friends with whom they had established strong relationships with and they wanted to stay where they were. The final CAFCASS Report said that both parents could provide for the chiuldren but it was clear that the children were happy where they were.
I went back to Court and was awarded the Residency Order, which although I knew I could provide for my children I have to admit to doubting that the Courts would ever let the father have Residency as it seems to be the norm that the children will always go to mum. Mum appealled so I had to go through it all again with a different Judge but the outcome was the same and mum never helped herself at all by trying to mentally bully our 12 year old daughter into sayting that she wanted to move away from her dad and brothers to go with her mum which all came out after another CAFCASS Report had to be done.
My advice to any Dad in this situation is to never ever give up hope. It makes me shudder to think that after the initial hearing I could have just believed what the Judge had said and given up the fight, I am so glad I never and as I said when I first posted - have faith in the system - I do now!!
A brilliant result and sounds like the Cafcass officer got it right in that either parent could have done the parenting well, but that the best thing for the children was to stay where they were already settled.
Exactly, never listen to anyone as anyone becomes an expert in these cases! If you believe in yourself then other people will believe in you as well. Parenting is not just a mum skill, dad's are just as good.
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