[Solved] Has she got a leg to stand on?

OK, technically, I assume you have only one contact order - the latest should supercede all previous orders, so that's the one you and your ex should be working to.

What she is doing is not untypical of behaviour that dads on here have put up with, and it's a matter of keeping going - a relationship can be picked up, and it may be slow but it can be rebuilt. The question is, how would you feel if you gave up now, and wouldn't your ex just constantly tell your son you didn't care? It's a long fight, and there's lots of people on here who will give you encouragement and advice, but I'd keep going.

Sorry I should have stated I have previously had other contact orders to try adhere to her demands.

I agree a lot of dads have to put up with this behaviour but ultimately I feel regardless of whatever relationship I have/will build with my son she feeds him this ' daddy doesn't care' attitude. Which in some respects I don't care anymore... for her behaviour that is.

I do feel though that with this information to hand will she be able to use it to get supervised access (which is what she has told me she wants)..

I have other children (which my son still sees). I don't feel I need supervised access. Just time and space away from the Fog of it all to build up some sort of relationship with this little person I know nothing about.

I have shed out thousands of pounds for it to all fall down continuously. Contact was stopped just under a year ago. I feel at a loss.

Hi

If you enforce the order, Cafcass will become involved and you will have chance to say your piece. Unfortunately, Mums like this are hard work and you will have to keep chipping away to get anywhere.

Ultimately, your son is the one that loses out here. I wouldn't give up, I understand how hard it is but you have to keep chipping away, jump through the hoops and do the best by your son.

Thank you for your advise!

After reading on here I think I may represent myself.

Like you say, chipping away is my only option. Hopefully in the future I can slowly build a good bond and by the time he's old enough to think for himself the love we have built outweighs any negative influences.

You're welcome and you're absolutely spot on. Any regular contact will help your bond and love strengthen.

Plenty of Dads on here self rep, it's not as daunting as it seems. Have a good read through the stickys at the top of the Legal Eagle section as they're a great help. You will need a C79 form for enforcement of an order.

There's a really good book by Lucy Reed, The Family Court Without A Lawyer, that's really worth a read;

http://www.nofamilylawyer.co.uk/

There's 2 free telephone helplines you can use for legal advice, Coram Childrens Legal Centre & Families Need Fathers. FNF also run local branch meetings run by McKenzie Friends where you can get advice and meet other parents in the same situation. The CAB are sometimes worth contacting for help and a lot of solicitors offer 30 minute consultations for free.

You also have the option to use a McKenzie Friend to help with paperwork prep & they can attend court with you as well. They're unregulated so if you choose this option, get recommendations and do your homework. FNF & The Society of Professional McKenzie Friends hold details of these, other members may have used ones they would recommend too. My partner used an MF and it was a positive experience for him.

Lastly, if you need help with procedure and statements there's plenty of us on here that can help, just ask 🙂

Good luck

Hey mate, I'd echo exactly what other peeps have suggested on her to bite the bullet and go it alone and self rep, at the end of the day it is the law that every child has the right to BOTH parents in their lives and the Family courts stick to that like glue.

Self representing is less daunting that you expect and once you get the first hearing out the way you will feel your confidence grow I actually enjoyed it in the end, it's very empowering standing up there fighting for what you believe in. Although it is very stressful at times you will get a wealth of support and guidence from this site and everyone who's a member as we all have been through it.

Don't worry about building a relationship with your son it WILL happen, I didn't see my 14 months year old daughter for nearly 10 months I basically missed out on the first year of her life but 4 months after contact has started again I have managed to build up our bond again and it's like we were never apart.

Don't worry about supervised contact either as the courts will more than likely order supported contact it's usually only supervised if there is a direct threat to the child and supported is more about the centre working with you to build your relationship back up with your child.

I too felt like giving in and walking away I'm so pleased I didn't as I would of defo regretted it, it completely understandable that you feel like that as it is absolute [censored] on earth being stopped from seeing your flesh and blood I don't actually know how I got through the past year but somehow I did and yet again the help and support of everyone on here got me through so I'd say don't give up you will be part of your childs life again and you will build your bond back up it's just a matter of having the fight, grit determination, a huge set of [censored], patience and time.

Good luck and don't give up

MR Slim 🙂

Thank you for all of your replies!

I've had on and off contact through the 6 years of his life and always struggled to get things on track after court. I suppose this time it HAS to be different otherwise there isn't any point to this.

First time going to court without a solicitor.

Last few times In court I had a solicitor that granted what she thought I would be granted and not what I or my ex actually asked for.

Will be looking into all these forms and fingers crossed all these answers and research can be displayed in court!

Thank you!

Yeah man solicitors just muddy the waters and drag things out to make more money they all should be banned from court at, if you self rep you know the case best and you can strive for exactly what you want and you will have an order set in stone at the end of it 🙂

...if you are going for an Enforcement Order there is no requirement to attend mediation first.

If you haven't seen your son since Last March then it's likely that you will have to start with supported contact at a contact centre, but it won't be forever, just until,you can re establish your relationship. With him. A lot of Dads have to jump through this particular hoop. Here's a link to the contact centre website

www.naccc.org.uk/