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Hi guys. I have to report to PSNI this Friday where I will be interviewed under caution for harassment. They will decide if there is sufficient evidence to pass to the CPS for prosecution. My crime on this occasion was to speak to my 5 year old daughter outside the school gates.
By way of background. My ex began a business in June 2017 with a Pakistani national living in Northern Ireland. She gave him £10 000. He invested nothing. At the same time I bought a house for my family. My ex refused to make any contributions to the house.
I believed my ex was more than a business partner with this man. She assured me that she could not be as this man was gay. Eventually I found text messages on her phone that confirmed my suspicions or at least strongly suggested they had had a sexual relationship. She denied this. I begged her for months to walk away from this man. She refused to give him up.
In January 2018 I came home to find I could not gain entry to my house. I explained to ex she could not do that as the house was mine. She replied that as she was the children mother the house belonged to her. Next thing I was hit with a NMO. Of the 16 allegations made I was able to disprove 15 of them with evidence and cast strong doubt on another. Needless to say she did not turn up to defend the charges.
Once the ex found out that the house did not belong to her and she would need to leave she assured me that her revenge would be that I would never ever see my children again. She said she will never respond to any judges order and she will destroy my relationship with my children.
After months of not seeing my children I got her to court where an agreement was made in mediation that I could see my girls for 2 hours on a Thursday and on a Saturday. However, the judge had saw the original Non Molestation Order made by my ex. The first thing she had said was I had met her at the age of 18 and I was father to all 3 of her children. That was the first lie I had pointed out in my defence. I am only father to 2 of her children. I met her when her son was 3 months old and he thought I was his father. The judge was furious and ordered that the child be made aware that I was not his father and that I get to see my children immediately as agreed in mediation. My ex was furious and let me see the children for 3 weeks. She texted me asking me to run away and leave the country with her and kids to avoid telling our son the truth. I declined. Suddenly I got a text from her saying that she blamed me for the child being told the truth and because of that I was not seeing any of my children again. We got into a bitter argument by text. I went overboard as I was raging and next thing police contacted me and said I was harassing her and to have no more contact. I never saw my children from that day on. Got back to court my solicitor asked for a contested hearing to let judge decide my access. He again asked my ex if I was a violent man or if there was a reason I could not see my children. She replied no. This is the 4th time she told him this. An interim agreement was signed between me and ex to allow me to see my daughters on a Thursday and Saturday. Needless to say this never transpired. I pass my childrens school on way to work and saw the ex dropping them off. I parked the car and crossed the road and called to my daughter. She ran to me and we both hugged and kissed each other and we both cried. She clung to me for dear life but my ex dragged her off me. I didn't engage the ex in conversation. She took the child into the school. I could not see my other daughter so walked over to the exes car. My 2 year old daughter was unattended in the car. I recorded this on my phone. The child was left for over 5 minutes on her own. Plenty of time to choke or be abducted.
Later that day I was contacted by police to say I have harassed my ex and I will be prosecuted. The following day I was called into my line manager to say my ex had delivered copies of text messages between us to show I was a racist in an effort to get me sacked. Saturday I was assaulted by her brother outside a local shop. He said some very abusive things also. Unless CCTV footage shows the assault he will get off.
Basically, I have text messages and evidence to show my ex and her family are very bitter people. I can prove through all this communication that my ex is a compulsive liar. This is also highlighted by her NMO in which she lied through her teeth. This family have alienated me and my children from each other. This is pre meditated and prolonged abuse.
I have completely given up in trusting to the courts. This woman will never hand my children over. She knows there will be no repercussions.
I will go to court to show my kids in later years that I fought for them. But that will only happen if they come to find me. I am resigned now to the fact that I will never see them again.
So what is my defence to the harassment charge? I fail to see how talking to my child can be saw as harassment and ex is clearly not a creditable witness?
Hi There,
I guess that your ex will claim that you had made contact while subjected to the non mol order, which you shouldn't have, I know you didn't make contact directly with her, but by stopping to see and speak with your daughter, contact happened.
I get why you stopped and in your situation I think we would have all done the same thing.
I think I would go with the "I did a silly thing and regret it, but it was on impulse as I saw my daughter" wit all of the history I would hope that they would look favourably at the honesty
GTTS
Hi thanks for the reply. I know what I wrote up there is a bit long winded. But there is no Non Molestation Order. She let it go when she realised I could prove all her allegations wrong. No legal documentation exists to say I cannot see my kids. Its an absolute disgrace that women can do this.
Are you in Northern Ireland? the law might be different if that's the case.
As far as prosecution for harassment, that a criminal case, and that can only happen if there is a breach of a non mol order, so for you to say that there is no NMO is confusing me to be honest.
All you can do is to present your side of things, she has also breached the interim contact agreement that you both signed, it would be worth mentioning that. It might be a good idea to prepare a brief position statement to tell the court about what happened, but as GTTS has said, it would be a good idea to express some regret too.
Best of luck
Hi guys thanks for the responses. There is no NMO. It was thrown out in March when she did not show up in court to prove her fabricated allegations. All that I have is a phone call from the police several weeks ago telling me to have no contact with her. As previously mentioned there is no document in existence to say I cannot see or speak to my children. As she will not let me see my children I had no option but to stop in a public place to see my daughter.
I will be apologetic when talking to the police, however, I will show the police her 1st lie in the Non Molestation Order where she claimed I was the father of all of her children and that I had began a sexual relationship with her when she was 18. As the NMO was made under oath, this shows the womans callous nature and as she has already committed perjury she is not a credible witness. Therefore the CPS are only wasting their time over such a trivial matter as me speaking to my daughter.
A criminal prosecution for harassment can only happen once a court order is in place and has been breached... so still confused!
Hopefully you will be heard and the right decision made. Once that is over it would be advisable to start an application for contact. It’s usual to attempt mediation forst, but your ex’s hostility makes that inappropriate.
Best of luck
A criminal prosecution for harassment can only happen once a court order is in place and has been breached... so still confused!
Best of luck
This isn't accurate. I was prosecuted for harassment. There was no court order in place - I was simply texting asking to see my children. This was deemed harassment by the police but fortunately, the magistrates were a bit more sensible and acquitted me.
They then issued a restraining order which can be granted even when the accused is acquitted.
I stand corrected, thanks justdad. It’s important we give the correct information.
I would say that he may have a better chance of being found innocent in criminal proceedings, as the burden of proof is much more stringent. There’s a lesser requirement for the burden of proof in civil proceedings, hence injunctions being granted when they really shouldn’t be!
I’ve linked to more info about this.
Harassment is a "course of conduct" so two text messages no matter what they say or how polite can be used to prosecute.
Dad: "Hi, when can I see the children"
Mum: "You're not seeing them, go to court and don't contact me again"
Dad: "Come on, this is silly, they need us both in their lives"
Mum doesn't reply so a few days later Dad sends:
Dad: "Are you serious about this going to court? Can't we be adults?"
And bingo, that simple exchange will secure a prosecution. Quite often, Women's Aid or solicitors will orchestrate conversations like this so they can get the matter before Magistrates and then even when the Magistrates throw the case out, a restraining order can be requested.
Restraining orders are not seen as punishment, they are seen as "protective" and therefore extremely easy - like non-mols to get.
Of course once that order is in the grubby hands of the ex, she can then fleece the state for legal aid. You couldn't make it up but it is how it is.
So much for the welfare of the child being paramount because we all know that once the legal aid gravy train is paying, unscrupulous solicitors and barristers milk the system no matter how much damage it does to you or your family.
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