[Solved] Guidance and help...

I would try at least one session of joint mediation if she will attend, if she refuses or attends but won't agree to get this moving forward: don't waste your time on the process and get an application put into court.

I can't see that incidents that have happened to you in your childhood would affect contact with your children, particularly if there have been no issues and this is a malicious attempt from your ex to make this difficult for you with your children and other ex.

Unfortunately, this isn't a quick process but it is probably your best way to move things forward right now.

Keep posting and we will do what we can to help.

I agree with Yoda,what happened to you as a child has no bearing on your ability to parent your children. It makes me so angry when a mother uses a child to hurt the separated parent, can't she see that the one to suffer the most is the child!

Your son is clearly missing you, I wouldnt give her weeks to decide whether to attend mediation, generally if after two weeks a parent chooses not to attend mediation the mediator will sign off the form to enable you to make an application to court. If you choose to self represent we will do what we can to advise and support you...it's doable and many dads here have been successful.

Best of luck

Well she finally agreed to try mediation (her first without me) and decided it wasn't for her, after a month!

Where do I go now, court I assume. Some I'm going to go online and fill out the relevant forms....quick question, how does the costings work? obviously it will cost me to set it up, but do we pay for our own court costs? its surely not like a criminal court where there is a winner and a loser....or is it? I'm not going to end up paying for her legal bill also...am I?

Really appreciate some help on all this, I don't have buckets of money....in fact I have just been made redundant (never rains but it pores)

Thanks.

Try not to worry mate it is pretty straight forward and the whole process will cost you £215 if you apply for a child arrangement order and self represent no need for a solicitor, as has been said it's a long process but you will be on the right road and you will get a concrete order at the end of it which should keep your ex at bay if she thinks about doing something so stupid again.

I think MOJO can inform you of a reduction in the fee due to you being unemployed.

I and many other dads applied for a child arrangement order and self represented and got great results in the end we're all here for any help and support you may need.

Your ex has been foolish stopping you from seeing your kids over something that has no bearing on your parenting and I'm sure it will get laughed out of court, what a [censored] your ex partner has been telling the mum of your kids that, it's utterly disgusting really I hope karma comes to get her.

Keep your chin up fella PM anyone of us if youd rather talk one to one.

All the best

Slim 🙂

Thanks so much for the reply.....im really new all this and haven't spoken, let alone seen them in over 2 months now, really distraught about everything...anti represents, sleeping pills an brain constantly whirlling,

Do we also pay their costs though? r can it be awarded if the court see's fit? do you guys think it would be a few hundred well spent to sit down with a solicitor for a few hours and go through everything? additionally (quite important) before court, do we, as the dad, get to see her reasoning behind her doing what she has...to prepare as it were?

Thanks again, really appreciate your responses, specially the last point.

costs are extremely unlikely to be awarded, they generally aren't in family cases. It would certainly be worth trying to get a free 30 minute consultation with a solicitor if you can get one, and also worth considering a McKenzie's Friend instead of a solicitor, which could save you a lot, and worth looking up your local branch of Families Need Fathers and attending a meeting to see how you get on.

try not to look too far into the future I know it's hard I didn't see my girl for 10 months and it about ruined me I nearly went down the route of medication and my doctor basically said your not depressed ect you've just got a nut case of an ex and gave me the same advice as everyone did on this site which is to take care of yourself try to eat sleep well do some exercise look after yourself lean on family and friends, the simple fact is you have to be strong and fight for your kids theres no other way, once you get the ball rolling you will feel better,

ACTD's advice is spot on a solicitor scared the living daylights out of me I basically followed everyones advice from this site which gave me he confidence to fight alone and I admit I am a few sandwiches short of a picnic but I loved standing up there fighting for my girl I will always be proud of that until the day I die.

2 years on and I have my girl every single weekend fri-sun/mon and I can be a dad on my own terms it's great.

Keep posting if you're unsure of anything theres plenty of dads in the same boat and most of them have got brilliant results for their children

all the best

Slim 🙂

The mediator will now be able to sign off the C100 form to enable you to make the application to court for a Child Arrangements Order (CAO) for contact.

This costs £215 but if you are on a low income or benefits you may be entitled to a full or part exemption from the court fee, or as you have been made redundant you may be entitled to help and you will need form EX160a to claim it.

Each party to the proceedings pays for their own court costs, only the applicant has to pay the court fee, but if your ex want to be legally represented she will have to pay for it and as actd says, costs are rarely awarded, never in straightforward proceedings and rarely for enforcement proceedings, which is where a parent breaks an order that has been made....it's not anything for you to worry about.

The other thing you should consider is writing a brief position statement to inform the court of the background and what you would like to happen, this can be sent in with your application or you can take it into court with you on the day of the heating and hand it to court usher to give to the judge when you arrive.

Have a read through the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section, there's plenty of information about the process that you should find helpful. Any questions please don't hesitate to ask.

Great advice, thanks...I have since found out (after speaking to the ex business partner aka she devil) that the children mum had said to her that I was "physical and abusive" in our relationship....etc (funny she didn't mention any of that 3 years ago when we first broke up and she tried to get solicitors in place)....honestly, how serious are the courts going to take lie's upon lies?

Ive kept every text and email from 2013 until present day, clearing showing we were for (95%) pretty amicable and able to get along for the children....I have even put a small presentation together showing all the dates I had the children, places we stayed, things we've done, lovely campsites...etc (photos included) because this is part of her reasoning "inconsistent, camping trips (really) lack of stability apparently, emotionally damaging our children on my weekends (the kids and I just go and have fun and never talk about anything else)..because I live 1;45 mins away, on my weekends we go camping, and stay in the same hotel, or holiday lodges (as a base)...I was also making this 3 hour trip mid week...once or twice, just to pick up the kids after school/nursery and go out for dinner for an hour and then drive home.

All seems really unfair...

Once you have submitted your C100 and a court date has been listed, CAFCASS will be in touch with you to discuss the matter and carry out safeguarding checks, they will produce a brief letter of recommendation to the court.

For the first hearing, you do not have permission to submit any evidence so hang on to everything you have for now. All you will need to do is prepare a very brief position statement - no longer than 1 to 2 pages of A4. You need to give the court a little bit of background, when arrangements broke down and why and what you would like the court to do.

Once you're at this stage, if you ask on here, one of us mods will be happy to read through it and offer guidance to you.

When CAFCASS get in touch, just focus on the kids, don't slag the mother off and remain calm.

It might be worth attending an FNF meeting in your area or speaking to a McKenzie Friend. Just pm one of the mods if you need extra help.

https://fnf.org.uk/

Good luck

Great advice, thank you...and will certainly utilise the experience on here. The court day...silly question, but is it a full-on big court, or is it different for family issues?