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Hello, I'm new to these forums so am hoping I'm posting in the right place, but I desperately need help.
My son has been living with his partner for five years and they now have a two-year old baby boy, he is gorgeous. My son's partner also has another boy aged nine from a previous relationship whom my son adores. Last week out of the blue my son's partner announced she no longer wants to be in a relationship and wants him to leave. She is not denying him access, but at the same time she wants to move away closer to her own mother who lives 70 miles away. She is a nurse and has been working part-time throughout their relationship. Two years ago my son lost his job (in construction), so it was agreed that he would return to college to take up a trade which he is happily doing also part time. His partner and ourselves have been supporting him financially. My son takes the older boy to school every day then the younger son to playschool 3 mornings a week where either I or his grandad pick him up at lunchtime. He then stays with us until either his mum or dad come home around 3pm. This arrangement has worked well until last week when my son's partner announced she was bored with the relationship, it wasn't going anywhere and she wanted him to leave. This isn't just from my son, she actually told me herself, saying it had nothing to do with him, she was just bored. We were devasted because they seemed so happy, at least my son thought so, there was no warning.
We just don't know what has gone wrong or what to do about it. Okay, if she no longer wants to be in the relationship then fine, but why move away? Apparently (and we believe her) there isn't anyone else involved; her mother works full time so couldn't provide childcare as we do and most importantly as my son is studying he isn't earning any money, he was looking after the home when not at college, so doesn't have any means to take a 70 mile trip even at weekends. He is in his final year, although that still doesn't guarantee a job at the end of it, but he is trying.
It doesn't make sense, this time last week everything was fine, she even laid on a surprise birthday tea for my husband, it's come as a complete shock and especially to our son who is gutted beyond belief. Basically we need to know if my son can stop her taking the children away? He does have his name on his son's birth certificate, therefore does he have parental rights even though they are not married. Everything is going around in our minds, we just do not know what to do, can anyone advise us please?
UNFORTUNATELY I dont think there is much you can do, however have you discussed with her, her plans for contact? I know we all on here have our own issues with ex partners many of them being unwilling to help or do anything to fasciliate visitation beyond us jumping through massive hoops, however, some of us have made our own bed by getting angry and some of us simply are dealing with uncooperative 'people'.
I think the best thing your son can do is not get angry and try to reason with her first of all. may sound awful but it will have to be a suck it up and do whatever he can and if that means being nicey nicey even if he doesnt want to be then so be it. one of the worst things you can do is try to beat her because then it is fight or flight situation and god knows what will happen beyond that. try the amicable route and go from there
I agree, she is moving to be closer to family which a court would see as a genuine reason, so would not prevent the move. Mediation is definitely going to be the best way forward at this point.
Thank you for your replies. Apparently my son's ex has now decided not to move away, a job transfer was not as easy as she anticipated. This is news to us as we had no idea she was changing jobs. She still wants my son to move out of their home though. He has been looking for a job and thinks he has found one, although it's on one of those zero hour schemes so not too promising, but something. He also has another job interview tomorrow which sounds better, fingers crossed he gets that instead. We are pleased for him, although it is sad he has to put his studying on hold for a while, but it appears he can't win with his ex. Now he has a job she wants to know who will look after the children while she's at work? He can't win!
Also as he is named on the rent book as "co-habiter" and at the moment is primary carerer of the children can she legally tell my son to leave the home?
It's good news that she won't be moving away now, and to answer your initial question, yes he does have PR.
As far as moving out is concerned, theoretically he is a joint tenant so he has as much right to be there as she does. This can however provoke the situation and its not beyond the realms of possibility for her to make allegations of harassment or worse to get him to leave. I would think that the longer they are under the same roof the more tense the situation will become....it's tough but at some point one of them is going to have to make the first move....unfortunately the onus is usually on the man.
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