[Solved] good news

Congrats its surely a good start! I wish you the best mate!

Really fantastic news mate!

That's a good starting point, well done and I hope it's the beginning of better times for you and your son.

So,as ever in life, there is a sting in the tail. I have had an email from my wife saying my son is getting counselling and on homeopathic treatment to help him deal with our break up.

How can she not have told me this before?

How can I have caused this or allowed it to happen to my son?

How can I be so removed from somebody so important to me I love so much?

Now I am going to feel even more like I am walking on egg shells when I see him tomorrow.

I left my wife as I couldnt bear to be in a loveless marriage and the constant arguing was upsetting my son.

It seems the carnage of the separation has left us all in a worse place. I take responsibility for that.

I can't tell you what a [censored] I feel, and a very sorry excuse of a Dad.

MH, firstly great news that you are seeing him.

Do not blame yourself, that's all part of the plan from your type of ex. What about the part played by her and her for no reason denying you to see him. Perhaps what she says is true re the counselling but how much of that has she contributed to rather than just allow the fluid transition of your relationship with your boy. Had the regular used to interaction continued from the break up, albeit different of course, this would likely have lessened any trauma your son suffered.

you are not a [censored] dad, you have fought for your son tooth and nail to get to this point. Our situations sound pretty similar and I to was utterly petrified ahead of the 1st encounter and also went ready to tread on eggshells. there was no need, my son was amazing, straight back in with daddy like id seen him every day of his life pre split.

I have trudged a weary methodical path of gradual increasing of the length of visits which has culminated in him now staying overnight with me. I am about to pick him up soon and I cant wait.

You will get there my friend, I promise you. Tomorrow, don't tread on eggshells mate, if there is any upset, just be his daddy as you always have been, that will be enough. I to was really nervous and now I rationalise it, he's a young boy, I cant magic solution but neither can his mum for every possible scenario that might occur.

You will be fine! Enjoy tomorrow. Speaking from experience, departure will be traumatic for you, saying goodbye is very difficult. If it gets to much to bear, pm me and I can at least try and give you a few words of encouragement and remind you that the next visit unlike the uncertainly till now, will happen!

Bd is right, by denying you contact with your son she has exacerbated his feelings....instead of allowing him to see that regardless of what was happening between you and his mother that you both still loved him and put him first. He then would have been able to see the improvement in his daily life without all the arguing and to move forward without feeling the guilt that he probably feels now.

I bet spending time with you will help, just steer clear of talk about his mother or what has happened, unless he asks and even then just keep it simple and reassuring.

Best of luck.

Thanks to all for your kind words and support.

Wow! - what a perfect day. It was all I could have wished for.

Despite being thrown a curved ball by an email at 08:15 in the morning saying he wants meto take him to Thorpe park so frantic dashing onto internet to get ticket (i didnt renew my annual pass unlike them as i had nobody to go with) then a drive to my parents to print it (printer is at marital home) and be back to meet him at 09:30 not wanting them to leave because I was nt there.

She even decided to come to door so we said hello.

We had a great day there, then back for a kick around in the park a great dinner I cooked and then the sad farewell that was heart wrenching.

I steered clear of any topic on divorce answering when asked as impartially as I could. He did say he wants to live with me and is keen to speak to cafcass (he may be alone in the male gender in this case 😀 )

My head is all over the place. What's right for my son? What's right for all of us?

After months of ignoring my calls,texts & emails she has called today and left a VM.

As I find myself saying more and more recently if this wasn't my actual life it would be funny....

Aw that's brilliant!

The fact that she has moved the ball forward is good but I'm sure her motives are more to retain control, as I'm sure her solicitor would have advised her to give a little rather than allow the court to make these decisions for her.

As far as your sons wishes are concerned, it depends how old he is as to how much weight his wishes carry. General rule of thumb is by the time a child is 10-12 they will be listened to more.

Just concentrate on your own case and remember its always better to ask for more than you would be happy with.

I agree totally with NJ - his wishes may be considered if he's above 11 or 12, but unless there is a compelling reason to move him (and it doesn't sound like there is), then I don't think a court is likely to order it - for that reason, I really wouldn't give any indication to your son that this is on the cards because a. he may be very disappointed if it doesn't happen, and b. if you ex gets wind of what you and he are considering, then any civility that there may be now will disappear in a flash. The main thing is to concentrate on the relationship you have with your son, and build on that. Oh, and when you see him next, you could plan what you are going to do on the following occasion - that way nothing gets sprung on you at the last minute.

So I am going to relate tonight with his mother to help us look after my son together post separation.
Has anyone been to a session like this? What should I expect?

Of course I am very keen to do anything that will benefit him.

Seems the contact fun & games may have started already. When I spoke to him re planning our next day the event I suggested going to he said he had previously spoken to his mother about her taking him. He then said his mother and counsellor had suggested he say that he didnt want to see me that day so she can take him. How rubbish is that. I just said if he really doesn't want to see me I respect his decision, if he wants to go with his mum thats fine but we can change the day rather than lose it. I have emailed his mother suggesting this but no response. In fact I spoke to her on phone and she just avoided answering.

I don't think I can be more reasonable but again seem to be getting the end of the stick with the brown stuff on it 🙁

Am I reading too much into how easily they both seem to give away something so precious to me? Am I being too harsh on an 11.5 year old who made a commitment before my contact agreed and can't see the alternatives like changing days?

As you can probably tell I am very confused and insecure. The day we had was brilliant with what i felt was a real connection. I guess it is a long painful road for all involved to figure out how the new relationships work.

Again thanks to all for the replies and support. Actd- when he said about living with me I just said we are going through a process to sort that. I wanted to let him know I was doing something but also didnt want to give false hope. I was very aware of the sensitivity of the subject and did my best to answer neutrally.

If he does say this, and I have a c1a against her, what are the chances of him being allowed to live with me??