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So had court today, my solicitor informed me it was very unlikely I would get legal aid for a final hearing and with the way things are it didn't look like I final hearing would be successful.
I wanted to avoid a final hearing as the unpredictability and I didn't want it to be final.
My ex's position was she was denying direct contact for ever.
She was willing to agree to 12 months of indirect contact once a month and if nothing happened between us in them 12 months then progress to phonecalls, Skype etc.
The real possibility was that the judge was gonna throw this out and give me liberty to restore my application in the future.
However upon looking at all the reports my ex took a battering from the judge. He said she was unreasonable because there is no welfare concerns from Cafcass or Social Services.
It was agreed between all parties that there is hostilities, I offered mediation but was rejected. The judge said to my ex that I am a committed father and a good one at that so her position is unreasonable.
It has been agreed that I will have 6 months of indirect contact once every 2 weeks where I can send him cards presents etc and mother is to make him aware it's from his father.
It's also agreed that we are to build Trust up with each other and attempt to put the child first (however as my child calls someone else daddy I have little trust)
Mother alledged I'm still harassing her, no evidence. I have taken an undertaking to not harass but feel I'm leaving myself open here for allegations.
In 6 months Cafcass are to file a report on the progress of the indirect contact and contact matters are to also file a report on how they can assist with direct contact in the future.
Mixed feelings about this not sure how to feel?
forgive me if your story is started elsewhere, had a quick look but couldnt find it.
why is indirect contact being only looked at if SS and cafcass have no concerns??
if she has no evidence of harrassment was this pointed out??
Is there a history here of why indirect contact is the only type available at thie time?
It's simply because of the volatile Relationship between me and the ex. The suggestion is the judge wants a period of calmness and wants me to show my commitment to the child and for mother to cooperate with that.
This is so sad...you've already shown your commitment to your child and the judge acknowledges you are a good and a committed father. The law is so wrong to allow the mother to dictate terms in this way, especially as the see that she is being unreasonable. ...speechless Dec.
We jump through hoops and they just put more up for us to jump through.
You're just going to have to keep your head down and send everything by recorded/signed for delivery, so that you have proof that it was delivered.
Building trust is impossible if she considers any contact to be harassment....I don't know how your going to get around that. I sometimes wonder if judges live in the real world!
No bones about it she got a rough ride from the judge yesterday. They were pushing for it to be thrown out of court with liberty for me to return in the future. My solicitor battled hard and gave the speech of their lives which convinced the judge to keep it in the court. My solicitor put it to the judge that throwing it out of court would be akin to throwing the child into a black hole, this certainly had an impact on the judge who when summing up rreferred to this black hole and agreed that it would be an injustice to the child if the court did not try everything within his power to make contact work. He made mother aware that there is no welfare concernsby either Cafcass or SS so the court takes the same view.
He takes on board that mother may have little Trust in me but pointed out that there is no evidence to back up her allegations and she has never once asked for a finding of fact hearing.
He pointed out that on the face of it he has a committed father in front of him who shares the care of two other children successfully and on the other side he has a mother opposing any sort of direct contact.
He made mother aware that the child is missing out on having a relationship with both parents and that is bad for him.
For the first time the judge addressed my ex and she was unable to hide behind her solicitor. He said what does she want to happen and she said she has little Trust in me so wants a period of 12 months of indirect contact, she was stumped when the judge said and then what. It was like she was expecting it to be indirect forever but the judge interrupted her silence and said pretty much that won't happen and then when pushed she said maybe telephone or Skype.
I've made contact with my solicitor today and said as I took presents for my child to court yesterday for his birthday I will start sending stuff in two weeks and then drop stuff in every two weeks. I will be keeping a photo diary of the stuff I send him so I can show the judge in December. It has been agreed it will be done through solicitors.
For his first lot of presents I have got a colouring book for his age and also some crayons appropriate for his age. The judge made a big deal that it hadto be age appropriate, iit's so hard buying for a two year old, everything seems to be for 3+. I have asked my solicitor to request that maybe mother may send some pictures of him receiving the gifts and maybe she can send some pictures from the colouring book back. I don't think that is an unreasonable request and if she refuses then will make her look bad? I am trying to meet in the middle so that trust is formed and I want to trust her but when she's calling another bloke Daddy then it's very hard to trust and that stirs up a lot of emotions. I have also asked my solicitor to ask for a list of items mother would like me to give my child so that I am involving her and that will look good for the court. I am also considering providing say a Tesco voucher every two weeks of say £10 so it helps her a little. I've not been asked to do this but I would like to feel like I am helping in some way without being prompted and that the judge will see I have made every effort to make this work and done more than I was asked to do.
this is awful, i cannot see why the judge didnt say for her to behave herself and start some direct contact.....but at least he acknowledged that she is stalling.
fair play to you, keep up the good job and hopefully soon you will get that.
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