[Solved] Giving up

Taking a longer view, my daughters didn't see my ex for 9 years (they really didn't want to, because of the way she treated them), but my ex arranged to meet them recently, so my daughters agreed and went to see her. As it happened, my ex blew it as she turned up late and drunk and gave a blatantly untrue excuse, so they now don't want anything to do with her - however the point I am making is that even after so long, kids are still prepared to give the non-resident parent another chance, so it's always worth not giving up.

I agree 100% with ACTD,

If you do decide to give up, don't think of it as giving up, more of taking a break from a situation that you feel you can't be in anymore.

And when and if in the future you do see your children, don't focus too much on what happened to get you to the point of not seeing them, and don't spend the time telling them how bad their mother was during it all.

But talk to them about why you stopped, and focus around that, as in, for their own good as what was happening wasn't a good situation for them to be in being pulled between you and your ex.

When I saw my son for the first time, he didn't really know the reason that I had stopped seeing him, I didn't talk about his mum and how she was I just spoke about how difficult it was for him to be in the middle of what was going on.

My ex read him the letter I had sent her....well from the sounds of it a version she wanted him to hear, and all he thought was that I didn't want to see him any more, he had no idea why even though in the letter I spoke about it being for him and so that he wasn't be pulled all over the place and being caught in the middle.

GTTS

My view is never give up. Just throwing in the towel and giving up isn't an option. Children are a life long commitment. If you feel bad then imagine how you will feel in years to come not knowing your children or anything about them. How will that affect you? Can you deal with that or will it just eat away at you? All you will have to rely on is that one day your children may want to find you and that's only if others haven't got to them first to dissuade them.

Yes it may be unbelievably trying in every sense right now but some people may be hoping you do quit to make life easier for them. They rely on these tactics to break you with no thought or consideration for any child involved. Such people always put themselves and money before kids.

Even a "cooling off" period away from all this may affect the momentum you've built up. Dependent on how long we're talking some people may perceive it as a climbdown or you may shift your momentum onto them if they sense they've got to you. The court process takes long enough anyway without you adding more time onto that. Instead make this your project or main priority and keep talking to friends and family to vent your frustrations. Keep your mind and body both busy and active. I don't think there's ever been as much emphasis on mental health and wellbeing these days and there will be any amount of advice and resources to call upon.

... As you can see, there are some strong feelings about this issue.

Only you can make the final decision, we can try and support you as much as we can, if you decide to keep on going.

All the best and keep talking.