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Just going straight in... had so many problems with ex after we split (my choice so she did the usual and got non mol & prohibited steps, not seen the kids for almost 9 months) and it never seems to stop. Its relentless. Problems with her being ill so changed court date and me not told. Accusations lies lies and lies. Cafcass purely one sided and report so bad denied any contact but based on her lies and hear-say, no evidence or facts. Appointments sent that I couldn't keep due to work but when I phoned to change told someone would call back and they don't then they say I just didn't turn up. Referred for some domestic violence programme although there was no dv and its 61 miles from my home twice a week when I work shifts and its impossible to attend - again apparently I just didn't turn up even though I phoned. I've emailed cafcass and the court asking for help and been ignored. I've sent a letter to cafcass asking to change the day/time of appointment and sent it g'teed next day signed for, got tracking and signature but no reply!! Long story short as there is so much more I have finally got a copy of the police report which has literally nothing on it - says I attended voluntarily after a phone call from the ex and NFA due to lack of evidence but ex has managed to convince everyone that she had to call them out for all sorts and needed to move on their advice for her own safety - LIES. The report has one little thing on it that is laughable and I don't understand why the police even gave her the time of day.
I've seriously had enough. My work has suffered (she'll still want her money if I lose my job but seems [censored] bent on driving me mad) and I've been referred to OH. I've been to the GP as I can's sleep or eat due to stress. So much more but writing it down is hard.
If I walk away how do I do that? I mean in a practical sense not emotional how? Do I just not turn up for the next hearing? Do I write a position statement to court saying why? How do I actually say that for my own sanity I can't carry on? Will it follow me forever in that if I have any other children in the future will ss immediately be involved if I walk away now?
I can't do this anymore. Its never going to stop as even if I get to see the kids she'll make s==t up about what's gone on and so it'll continue. Shes a sly, devious, manipulative control freak who knows exactly how to work the system in her favour. She said when I told her I was leaving she'd make sure I was sorry. I'm not sorry I left the nutcase thats for sure. The kids are young and have probably forgotten me already.
I want out. What do I do to let everyone know?
"Shes a sly, devious, manipulative control freak"
That would be a primary reason NOT to give up. Leaving your children at her mercy would be criminal.
But she's managed to convince everyone so far that I'm completely unfit and haven't even seen them supervised in a contact centre which I begged for in the interim. I've put in for interim contact and it's been refused. I literally have done nothing and cant fight the system that believes her lies anymore. Even if I did get to see them what would it be? An hour here and there when she has them the rest of the time, turning them against me and spinning her lies. Every time I think someone will actually look at the police report, will actually look at the evidence (I have a lot to prove she is lying), will actually listen to ME it goes the same way - HER way. I've been accused of things that have never happened and cafcass have decided that apparently I am a "threat as I wont admit to DA" (because there wasn't any) and so the kids shouldn't be allowed to see me, their Dad. Everything was ok until I said I didn't want to be in a relationship with the now ex, then she filed for orders and made allegations. Why can't anyone see at least the time line and realise she's lying? Anyway I'm awake again almost all night as never sleep now and just can't carry on. She'll make sure the kids hate me, make sure that if I DO see them that she'll make more allegations about what has supposed to have happened, make sure they don't want to come to me and so it will go on.
I seriously want to get off. I don't really know how I go about it. I think I'll just send a position statement in as I would for the next hearing, outlining my reasons and once again pointing out the evidence I have of her lies - this next one is the 4th hearing, although "hearing" is a joke as all they hear is her and her solicitor, I don't get a look in and they never even read or refer to any evidence I have presented or my statements. I can always change my name if social services or cafcass would immediately stick their noses into any future family I might have. I can't carry on fighting a system that is so biased, blinkered and unjust. I can't carry on fighting the spiteful scorned mental ex. I didn't realise at the time but the kids were lost to me the second I left their mum. They are in more danger of being mentally abused by her if I carry on. If I'm not in the picture she won't keep on at them about me.
Hi there
I'm sorry you're stuck in this nightmare, as you probably realise, we do have some members that have been through very similar scenarios... some stick it out, but we do have Dads that, like you, need to walk away for their own sanity...We don't judge.
As there's an ongoing court case, you can write to the court and tell them that after much soul searching you are going to withdraw from the case and not attend any further hearings. Explain briefly that as a Litigant In Person, you don't think that you've had a fair hearing, that none of your evidence has been considered and whilst the case continues, you feel that your children are suffering.
I wouldn't get personal or rant about the mother, as this will just feed into their assumptions about you.
That's it really...Social Services may try and interfere in the future, but only if you come into their spotlight again. I would have thought it will take you some time to get over this sufficiently enough to think about getting seriously involved again... but you will get over it. There are many Dads that have had to get on with their lives without seeing their kids... it hurts, but you're hurting anyway.
Once you've written the letter, the decision is made, you will feel relief and a lot of sadness, but you must do what you know is best for you and the kids
All the best
keep going your kids will thank you in the long run for this
my son is going through the same his ex kept stopping access for the most stupid of reasons in the end he decided to go to court to get an order he did not qualify for legal aid and his ex to get legal aid went to court and lied about him assaulting her she got a non molestation order ,when he went to court to give his side and to contest the order the judge told him the order would not affect any proceedings he had with regard access to his children but my son would not accept he had done anything to his ex and is now fighting this through the courts to find out from the cafcass officer had he accepted he had been violent they would have to take this into account when doing their report
The process to get his access order takes for ever and is costing him a fortune and he does not earn a lot ,he has full PR but that has done him no good so far it has taken 6months and the solicitor bill keeps going up
Considering he is taking his ex to court the whole thing has turned against him, he gets very down with it all but as I say to him yes it is wrong what she is doing and allowed to do by the legal system but your children will thank you for fighting for them
The whole process needs looking at and these parents who use their children as weapons are disgusting
keep fighting for your children
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