Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hello,
I have my daughter every other weekend, travelling 1400 miles a month to pick her up and drop her off. We have just had CSA payments reassessed because I was struggling to afford that and the fuel each month and had the maintenance reduced by £50 a month.
The weekend just gone I had my daughter, but I also had to work and so between my wife and my cousin she was looked after at my house still - however obviously we didn't get to see each other at all which upset me and my daughter. I have been told I have to work again the weekend of 8th-9th October, which annoyingly falls on my weekend with her again. I am literally able to drive down and pick her up, and then be back in time to take her home again.
I text her mother to explain this and ask if I could have her the weekend before or after instead and therefore 2 weekends in a row. She has come back and simply stated that she has arranged for things to do every weekend next month as her boyfriend is moving house, and therefore I will have to arrange alternative care for my daughter as she can't have her. My only options which I have used before is my daughter to stay at my mums, where my sister also has to go and stay or my cousin has to travel 4 hours on the train to go and stay with my mum - the reason for this is that my mum takes medication which means she struggles to wake up early in the morning so does not feel fit to look after her on her own. My sister is a care assistant and works most weekends, and my cousin is also unable to help.
Now my question is - does her mother have any responsibility to either have her that weekend even if she doesn't want to let me see her the weekend before or after, or have any responsibility to arrange alternative care for her herself?? I'm out of options and unfortunately my 9 week old son is really quite poorly on top of this making it difficult at home for my wife as when I am not here she either needs to go and stay with someone for help or have someone stay here.
Any help or advice would be appreciated before I reply to the mother of my daughter! I need to know where I stand! She's very bitter about the maintenance payments being reduced and is therefore being difficult in any way she can at the moment and refusing to help.
Many thanks,
John
Do you have a contact order? Or is it an informal arrangement? To be fair it probably doesn't matter either way.
If there's no official arrangement then you're not obliged to have her (but equally mum could stop contact because she's annoyed at you as there's no order in place to stop her).
If you have a contact order, unless it states explicitly what happens in this scenario it probably only says that 'mother shall make child available for contact every other weekend'. Most of the time (unless the order says otherwise) your not obliged to have her, only that she must be made available for you.
So basically she will most likely have to sort something out in regards to care that weekend (as she would if you were too ill to have her one weekend for example)
I'm sure someone will come along and let you know if I'm on the right lines 🙂
Hi
In this case, whether you have an order or not, if you are working and are unavailable to take your contact then the mother needs to take care of your daughter.
Even if you have an order in place, not being available for a weekend's contact would not be a breach of the order.
With or without an order, the mother has no obligation to re schedule a weekend if you are unavailable for the scheduled weekend.
If the mother were to cancel contact, with an order in place, there would be an expectation that she should replace the lost weekend with an alternative.
If you have an order and things become difficult, you can apply for enforcement of the order following a breach.
Without an order, the mother can pretty much do what she likes. If things became difficult, you would have to attempt mediation although due to the distance, you should be able to get the form signed off that gives you permission to apply to the court for an order.
If you don't have an order in place and ended up in court, it's worth bearing in mind that many courts would not make an order for a child to travel a huge distance every other weekend unless the mother agreed to it.
Hope that helps somewhat.
Any further questions, just ask and we will try and help.
Good luck
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.