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Hi I'm barrie
Ive been split from my sons mother for 2 and a half years and after she agreed in court to let me have regular overnight access, she is now stopping it for no good reason. I have now gone back to court, but she makes me out to be an abusive thug in front of the judge through lies and she has also had an Harrassment warning issued against me even though i have'nt had any communication with her in six months, only her partner. She has also made up lies about my Fiancee being violant towards me in front of my son which is all lies and fabricated. My Fiancee is pregnant and has just had enough, my son was supposed to come to France with us , but she's not letting him come. I feel as though the court is believing her and i feel im not going to get overnight access again because she seems to get away with what she says with no evidence to back it up apart from lies. I live 175 miles away from her and a sat afternoon every two weeks isnt possible and is no Father- Son relationship, i have no say in his life and dont ever get to speak to him on the phone, they even ignore me when i ask how he is and now because of the warning i cant even text at all. I dont send any Harrassing texts just resend when they dont reply to reasonable questions and they're not even to her. I feel as though i may need a Solicitor, but cant afford it and earn too much for legal aid. She has manipulated my son into saying 'mummy says i dont want to go to your house', the list goes on. I dont want to lose my son, but i dont want him to be messed up!! im meeting Caffcass in the next couple of weeks for a report. She is a very smart calculated woman and wins alot of people over with lies. Could you please give me some advice on which way to go with this, this has been going on for well over 2 years and should be like this. I cant stand her but i'm prepared to be civilised for the sake of my son. Unfortunately i think she just wants me out of her life and therfore my sons too. I fear he'll never get to meet his brother/sister.
cheers sorry its a rant just is so much to this.
Hi Barrie and welcome
Have you read yoji's guides at the top of the legal section - I think those would be a good place to start. It's perfectly possible to represent yourself and the cost is then only the court fee of about £200.
Don't give up on trying to see your son. Also, perhaps start a blog sending him messages - it's something you can show him when he's older to show that you did want to keep in contact.
Hi Bazza,
Your story is not uncommon, its a massively common occurrence. Luckily there's a wealth of information through knowledge to be had here.
I agree completely with actd here about the attempts to keep contact. Just to point out Court costs from £0 - £200 dependent on financial circumstances.
How old is your Son? I'm guessing not very old.
To me I'd say you definitely need a Contact Application to be raised to the Courts as soon as possible. The guide includes ways to bring the costs (to you) down. Equally, i'm always willing if things get a little stressful or if any particulars are needed i can either post them or i can phone/email recommendations.
hi barrie,
i really feel for you. your ex sound a lot like mine! My daughter is 11, and i've had to deal with this kind of thing for 10 years. i got a contact order 4 years ago and things settled down a bit (only a bit), but recently its got worse. much worse. my daughter has suddenly got to the age where she is getting a bit 'teenage' and is easily drawn into all her mums lies. there is actually a name for this phenomena, although its doesn't seem to be recognised much in the UK. in USA they call it 'parental alienation'. google it, and see what comes up. google 'the signs of parental alienation'. you'll be shocked at how close these fit with what our ex's (and many others) are doing. You need to be aware of this because this can really mess kids heads up.
this needs to be more recognised in the UK, because as the kids get old enough to uunderstand the lies that are being said to them, they are much more vulnerable to this kind of manipulation. Its basically emotional abuse - when one parent tries to turn there child against the other parent.
good luck!
paul uk
Thanks to the response i've received its helpful to know i'm not the only one in this situation and there maybe light at the end of the tunnel.
My son(Elliott) is 4 years old, I have already been to court where i naively agreed to an order by agreement which she has now broken of course! I have had to pay to go back to court for a second time to try and get a contact order which i can inforce. There has only been one hearing so far and im waiting to speak to cafcass. The problem is the judge doesnt let me have my say regarding lies etc, so i'm considering writing him a letter or email so i can get my side (the truth) across. Also the court seems to heavily favour order by agreements and the judge was almost threatening when he said i should go down that route even though an order by agreement isnt worth the paper its written on because if she doesnt agree she can do what she wants and get away with it, the whole problem is we dont agree because she isnt fair. Ive gone from every other weekend to every other sat afternoon and i live 175 miles away!! Bceause thats what she wants, a babysitter so she can get her hair done!! She smart because the court sees at least she letting me see him.
I think i really need an inforceable contact order. I just wish they could give an ordre that changes the way she speaks to him.
cheers
Barrie
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