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Ok guys. Im desperate so ill start at the begining. Prepare for a long read.
So i was seeing my sweet little boy on a weekend basis. Which was hard enough to deal woth of course but atleast i got to.see him. Anyway my ex was expecting 250 a month to see him. He was being very much used as a weapon against me. And i paid it. None the less she was never happy enough. She kept giving me [censored] on earth but i just let it go over my head for my little boy. Anyway she always interfered with my work. It was embarrassing and quiet frank. Horrible. She was domestically violent towards me too. Which thankfully i found it in me to report said violence to the police. Anyway she pushed it to far she came to my work place and kicked off big time. My boss was none to pleased of course. I was fired. Problem here is. I was living on site until id saved enough to get a flat. So woth loss of said job. I moved out of the hotel. And moved 33 miles away. Better than the 60 miles away the council offered me. At this point i had met someone else. To which she didnt like. So she stopped me seeing him on the basis i was blamed for a nappy rash. To which was impossible because i respected my son to adhere to her demands to try and keep the peace to continue seeing him. Inturn the date she stated he got said rash i had not seen him in 4 weeks. None the less behind her back i did see him. His nan brought him around to see me. Her demands then went from i cant see him to i can see him if i come to hers and stay at hers. This was not a good thing. We did not get on after she stopped me. And i was still saving for court. She said he was safe gaurded against me. So i rang ever agency going to find out how true that was. It wasnt true. I also rang the health visitor. To which i found she had stated she didnt want me near her home and i refused to see him (which i didnt). Anyway she then bought about the money situation. Id lost my job. Not a nickel to my name. And she expected money. Cant get blood from a stone. She called CSA. I sent my evidence across and they agreed with me. I cant pay the full ammount. So then as i begin to get back on my feet. A new home a new job ect. And she moves my son to yorkshire some where. And have no idea where or what or even how. That means the 33 mile hike has now towed in at a nice 225 miles minimum this is from me to the humber bridge. And i know there not on that bridge so i know its further. I of course have become depressed. With daiky suicidal thoughts ect. I cant think straight. And i have no idea what to do. Im becoming a recluse and obsorbed by the fact i have no idea were my little boy is. I rang the police and they said we cant help. But i was desperate.
What do i do ?
Hi there
I’m really sorry that you’re feeling so low Damo, how long is it since you last saw your little boy?
I can totally sympathise with your situation and can understand why you’re feeling desperate to know where your child is. Have you spoken to his Nan that was helping you before, maybe she can at least tell you that he is ok and perhaps try and get some communication going between you and the mother, do you think that might be possible?
You know, as upsetting as this is for you, it’s more important than ever that you keep going, build a new home and work to save some money, keep yourself healthy and try and stay focused on seeing your child again. You must be strong for him, even though he might be a long way away right now, he really needs his Dad in his life.
If you can’t find out where he is now, you can apply to the family court for a Seek and Find Order, you will need form C4 to do that, and you will need to provide the court with all the information that you can, to help the court find them. For instance, her family members will probably know, or if you have details of her bank that could be useful for tracing her, or the CSA or child benefit office might have her new address.
Once she has been located, you can then apply for a Child Arrangements Order to see your child. Again, it’s important that you can show the court that you have a nice welcoming home for him to visit and money to be able to travel to see him and look after him when he is with you.... that’s why you must stay strong and get back on your feet, for his sake.
Depression can be so hard to find a way out of, it might be a good idea to go and see your GP and talk to them about how you’re feeling, they may suggest that you try a short course of anti depressants to help you feel a little better about things.
Just as important, is to keep talking... it’s good that you’ve come here and opened up about your feelings, it takes strength to do that Damo. We are here to listen and to try and support you.
All the best
It might also help to attend a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area, it’s a place to go to meet others in a similar situation, and they can offer advice and support. Here’s a link to their website, where you’ll find details of meetings nationally, hopefully there will be a meeting near you.
www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings
Stay strong mate.
Thankyou for the chin up.
It has helped knowing others have to deal with the same thing. Not that this should ever have to be. Iv got the home. Starting a new job ect all is in order there. Thanks for the links and advice also. It has certainly taken the strain aeay from trying to head hunt alone. Will keep updated. And will certainly.see a dr too. I dont think this mind set is going to help.anyone and i know our little boy needs mum and dad in his life. Not just the 1 parent. So will act on it. Thankyou so much again for your understanding and support. Ill update as things happen. But drs first i think. Clear my head a little
That’s good to hear Damo...You certainly sound a little more upbeat, sometimes just knowing we’re not alone is just the tonic we need to start feeling better.
If ever you need to talk, or just unload, we’re here to listen. All the best mate.
Hi Damo
Sorry I'm a bit slow on this one, but glad to hear you're feeling a little better than when you first came on. We'll help all we can on here, but the first thing is you need to look after yourself so you are at your best when you do see your son. If you are having to travel so far to see your son, you may be able to get a reduction on maintenance (not below the flat £7 per week though) for travel - it doesn't anywhere near cover your costs, but it's something.
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