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Morning guys!
So, this weekend was the first full weekend my ex wife was meant to have my son from friday to sunday. Myself & my wife had RSVP's to one of my friends weddings and decided to stay overnight in a hotel Friday & Saturday (wedding was Saturday). This cost us a few hundred quid! My ex wife didn't turn up for handover Friday, no telephone call, no text, nothing! You would expect that being the first full weekend since September she would have had this etched in her head, but no!
I allowed my son to be available for contact on the Saturday afternoon which was the only time I could do due to the fact that my wife had to travel to see her friend she has known over 20 years and explain why we could no longer attend the wedding and apologise for the £116 she has forked out for our meals. So, not turning up on the Friday was her first breach.
Part of the recent court order states that my ex wife new partner is not allowed to be present while my son is there. My ex wife agreed to that. It transpires when our son came home that the first thing he said was that the boyfriend had been there the whole time he had been there, including staying overnight. My son even went as far as to say that this boyfriend is moving back in. Now, the ex's boyfriend is fine on his own but when they are together there was a lot of domestic abuse and as an admission from my ex in court that the relationship was toxic the judge deemed it acceptable to restrict him being there so my son did not witness any further domestic violence. There is the second breach.
Now, I am also told that not only my ex but her boyfriend have instructed my son to lie for them and not mention him. Whilst my wife and myself are trying to bring him up to respect people and tell the truth this counteracts everything we are teaching. However the fact that he has been honest was rewarded and appreciated. He now feels that he will get in to lots of trouble from his Mum because he has told me. More psychological harm.
I have contacted her solicitor who responded "I note your points raised" [censored]?! You note them?? You are not going to speak to your client and see what the [censored] is going on??
I am at the end of my tether with this woman. She continues to flaunt the order as and when she pleases and gives no concern for what she has been told to do at all and I am getting no joy from her representative. She also seems to have no regard for her own son, putting him under this pressure to adhere to her requests of lying. I don't have £200+ to apply for a C79.
She is getting legal aid how I don't know because there has never been any mention of domestic abuse from me towards her at all. She is having to deal with none of this while I am forking out for everything.
What an earth do I do next???
Morning again guys, hope we are all well?
Low and behold, my son was due to go there last week, came back on Sunday and told us that not only was the boyfriend present he had also been hiding in the bedroom. The mother was taking him up food and telling my son under no circumstances to go in to the bedroom. She even physically turned his head around to avoid him seeing the boyfriend retreat to the bedroom. Playing serious mind games with my son, telling him that it is her friend. Non direct contact which was ordered by the court to ensure that I know he is OK has been whittled down to giving my son the phone when he is actually in bed and his mother rushing him to hurry up. I am not reassured at all.
So now along with all of this my son is coming back noticeably distressed, worried that he will get in to trouble or his mum will smack him for telling us the truth and thats not to mention the psychological damage this is doing with him having to keep this to himself for fear of not being able to confront his mother.
On Sunday night I made the choice to further protect him and decide that contact will cease. I gave my ex wife a chance, she infact reassured me by promising the boyfriend would not be there again. I have contacted her solicitor and copied the court in to it. It will be down to them to take me back to court to enforce it (I took your advice from the last time). Obviously the court is not going to look too favourably on someone who repeatedly breaches a court order ordered by them. I have explained to my son what is going on to be met with an air punch and "yes, I don't have to see her again" not quite what I was expecting.
I am expecting paperwork through the door any day with a summons to go back to court, is this standard procedure? One of the problems I am facing is that my ex wife is so unpredictable that myself, wife and family cannot plan anything. It is getting silly, really silly. I have contacted the social worker involved but as expected there has been no reply from 3 days ago, I am not expecting one either.
Any advice gratefully received.
You've got a couple of choices really - either you write to her solicitor and state that if their client does not comply with the order, then contact will cease. Or, you can apply to have the order varied using a C100 - you can't enforce someone to take contact although you could attempt to enforce the ex's partner being there. You could try your luck on a C79 as a C100 would require attempting mediation.
The court will take a better view if you return the matter to court than you stopping it and her trying to enforce it.
Have a look at form EX160a - you might be able to qualify for an exemption or reduction in fees.
Best wishes
Thanks Yoda,
It is already in the order that "miss X agrees that Mr x shall not be present while x is in her care" how would I vary that as it is already in it? I am all for promoting a relationship between my son and his mum but she seems to flaunt this at every opportunity and it is doing my head in a bit. So ceasing contact is last resort really. I have tried contacting her solicitor who has just 'noted it down'.
The variation would be around the contact - if she's not managing to keep up to it.
Personally, I would write to the solicitor to say if the ex's partner is present again, contact will cease and their client will need to apply to court to have it enforced.
It's worth speaking to social services too so there's a record.
If you suspect the ex's partner is present when your son is there, you could ask the police to do a checkup.
Just keep records and if necessary, get it back before a judge
Thank you.
SS have no further involvement but in the S7 report it was noted that the relationship had ended and my ex wife had made an admission that the relationship was unhealthy. That was the main reason for the judge agreeing with this request. I will take your advice and make a call to them.
Could it be deemed a police matter? I wasn't sure if that would work or if I would be wasting their time.
When are you due back in court?
If it were me I would suspend contact, write to her solicitor and give the reason as emotional harm to your son due to the boyfriends presence,which is also in breach of the order, and his fear that he will be punished for telling you the truth.
I would also write to the judge and state what you have done and why and ask for an immediate return to court for new directions.
As your case is ongoing, you could use form C2 to ask for new directions or enforcement...personally, I think suspending contact until you're back in court is appropriate in the circumstances. You have good reason to suspend contact and as she has legal aid then let her solicitor applyfor new directions. I don't think Yoda realises that you are currently going through court as I know a C2 would have been suggested, not the C100.
Definitely give Social service a call too...see what they have to say, but at the end of the day, if you feel that your child is at risk it is your responsibility to take any action required to safeguard him. Breaching an order, in circumstances where to comply would put your child at risk, would be considered as a good reason to breach and there would be no consequences because of it.
Hi
Sorry Sporadic, I didn't realise you hadn't had a final hearing yet. Yes, you will likely need a C2 unless writing to the judge will result in a new hearing being listed.
Under these circumstances I agree with Mojo, stop the contact straight away but inform everyone of what you are doing.
A C2 is about £135 I think.
Morning guys, so I have already contacted the solicitor and advised that I was hoping for things not to escalate to court but I have stated "If this matter arises again I shall have no alternative, in the best interests of xxx to cease contact and return the matter to court" so how will this look if now I go back on that and suspend contact? I am trying to look out for the best interests of my son but at the same time maintaining a relationship albeit strained between the 2 of them. I contacted the solicitor last night after reading the replies so am a touch confused as to more what I should do now.
6 weeks until this is back in court as well Mojo, so quite a while for him to go without seeing his Mum.
Hi Sporadic
What level of judge do you have? Magistrates? District Judge? Circuit Judge?
The way I see it - you have two choices;
1 - suspend contact giving your reasons to the solicitor, contact CS to inform them / seek advice & write to the judge informing the same and requesting an emergency hearing as the cessation of contact with the current contact, will cause a six week gap of contact for your son
2- inform the solicitor that if this happens again, you will do everything as listed in point 1
Yoda, it is a district judge.
This is so difficult. There is no domestic abuse towards my son that I know of but their relationship is unhealthy and my son has witnessed domestic abuse between the 2 of them. 6 weeks is a long time to go without seeing his mum and whilst i am trying to maintain contact it has been working up until this point. My son is happy here with me but at the same time after spending 5 years with his mum does miss her and does get excited when he is going to see her. He only sees her every other weekend and one night in the week for 2 hours which is as he states enough for him. I don';t want to cause further harm by stopping that. Although their relationship is strained it is slowly progressing positively.
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