Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi All
I'm really new to all this and glad I found this site which I'm hoping can offer me some pointers. After several years of marriage and two beautiful children, five and seven, my wife moved out recently (much against my wish) into a nearby rented flat which she is trying to make an alternative home for the children.We both work full time but varying shift patterns makes the childcare, currently shared equally, rather complex.
We have some equity in the jointly mortgaged family home but we have run up substantial debts which makes employing lawyers problematic. We have not yet tried mediation mainly for this reason. I am pressing for a MIAM but I think this would show that successful mediation would be nigh on impossible, at least until feelings can be controlled a little. We are not on good terms and the children are suffering from heated exchanges whenever my wife comes to collect or deliver them. I know you must hear this all the time but my wife is completely unreasonable and unable to discuss things without going off on one. She takes medication for long term depressive illness with which I have been understanding and supportive for years.
My wife is now desperate to get her equity out of the house. I cannot afford to buy her out and I really don't want to have to sell the only home the children have ever known, especially at a time when it seems to be the only stable thing in their crumbling world. We both earn equally and I can probably just about keep up with outgoings for the house on my own, at least for a while. I am resolved to sell at some point but hopefully after things have settled down a bit. So the question is; can I be forced to sell now? And if so, what needs to happen and how long does it take? I have read somewhere that the courts cannot order this if it is the children's family home. This leads onto the point about my wife trying to claim her new flat becomes the family home - which I think is all about being able to force the sale and get the money.
Thanks for reading. Any help much appreciated.
Hi,
I have almost the exact same tale as you but my wife of 10 years is an alcoholic and has been for over 5 years. She has recently left our home to live at her parents insisting our marriage is over and is insisting I give her £2k to rent somewhere so she can leave her parents - I imagine shes finding it difficult to drink there.
There is approx £250k equity in the house, which has a tiny £10k mortgage in my sole name, and my wife has never been involved in anything to do with any utility bills etc but does transfer some money each month into the bill paying account. Things have been gradually deteriorating over the last 3 years and I have threatened to leave on numerous occasions but never did because of the children and the fact that i still love the sober person she often is.
I never wanted her leave with the children either, as I honesty fear for their well being due to mummy getting drunk - I would love to say she would never harm them but what she is putting us all through is harming us all psychologically, especially my bright 10 & 6 year old babies. This is the only house they have ever lived in, and both are so upset at the prospect of leaving their home which my wife insists must be sold to fund a new hose for her and the children.
I couldn't buy her out, and the best I could hope for would be to sort things equally but the fact is I'm certain the drinking would continue at another property.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.