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hi all,
first let me say a massive thank you to the developers of this site, its helped me no end with advise in a time of highly charged emotions and confusion. Iet me start at the beginning.
me and my ex separated (she threw me out with her dad) when my daughter was just 8 months old. even though i am on the birth certificate, she found out (from her mother who is the head registrar at our local registary office) that she could change my daughters forenames legally without my consent up to a year after the child is born if the child is known by any other forenames (she wasnt, and it was devistating when she finally told me but i'll get to that.) after she threw me out, she told me that she wanted X amount from me that the csa had told her she was intitled to. i didnt question it and just agreed to everything as i was sick and tired of arguing with her. two months later i went to my home country of egypt for what was suppose top be a week long trip. i was still there two months later as my mother who i hadnt seen in 13 years due to my previous restrictions on traveling due to my political status (i had just recently been granted uk citizenship but was unable to travel before this) had just been treated for ovarian cancer. when i called my ex to explain this to her, before i had a chance to, she told me that my daughter didnt even know who i was and that she had found another man and my daughter was calling him 'daddy' and that i wasnt welcome back in her life.she also refused any money from me when i offered to send her via bank transfer(she only ever wanted cash). needless to say after that, my mum didnt want her knowing about the cancer or anything else to do with my mum. the cancer came back 10 months later, mum went into a coma and died in july 2011. i came back to the uk unable and unready to fight my ex (something she loves doing). 2 months later, my best friend got diagnosed with leukimea and i went and stayed at his side for 2 months in hospital. he died in my arms in feb 2012. i gave myself a few months to greive the loss of two of the most important people in my life. i managed to get my ex to agree to let me see my daughter a few times but not to tell her that im her father. as soon as she could see that my daughter was getting attached to me, she stopped allowing me to spend time with her and told me she would never give me access.
so now im taking her to mediation in hopes that i can have regular access to my daughter.
my question is, given the circumstances, and considering that i have no proof of paying her money, what is the likelyhood that i will get to play a role in my daughters life? i would love to start off slowly with my daughter, maybe a couple of hours a week at a contact centre and then, when she learns im her father and shes comfortable,have her on alternate weekends and half the holidays, is this too much to ask from the outset? is this something im entitled to or would it have to go to court?
thank you in advance for any advice you give,
Rami
Hi, first of all as your ex agreed to go to mediation and secondly paying and contact are two different things. What I would do is open a bank account and put money aside for your daughter, then if it goes to court at least you can inform the Judge that the mother refused financial help but you have saved the money for her.
Mediation is the right way to go , if she agrees and then lets you have contact , maybe in a contact centre then unsupervised as by now your Daughter will be very confused calling someone else Daddy then another Daddy coming along. If she refuses to go to mediation you need to ask the mediator to fill in a form called F M 1 as you will need to prove that you have tried this route. Going to court is a very long process and costs a lot of money if you employ solicitors but you can do this your self by filling in a c100 and asking for contact it will cost £200.
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