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I have spent the last 12 months going through the family courts trying to gain access to my 4yo son.
Mum has made all sorts of allegations and initially wanted 18 allegations to be added to the Scott report..
These were reduced by the judge to 8..
We spend 4 days in court, ex wife claimed domestic abuse and child abuse by me..
At the finding of fact hearing 5of 8 allegation that she made were found to be untrue, 1 stated I owned an air pistol and the last two were of domestic abuse, including coercive / controlling behaviour.. There were deemed by the judge as true.
The reality was, there was no evidence given for the coercive /controlling behaviour, only oral.. The physical was a staged photo..
I was informed by my legal team that I will probably be asked to attend a DAPP via cafcass.. I said I couldn't engage in a program for something I did and have never done..
What do I have to do to be able to see my little boy??
Or must I attend a course and lie my way through it by stating I was abusive and I wasn't??
Any advice would be helpful as I feel I will never see my son again.
Thanks
R
Hi
For me alone had to make a decision my children aged 13/17 x had already got to my Son / Daughter went along x made sure of that see she wanted her little family and yes went all the way to exclude me, family court etc and stated xyz all untrue like you had to decide so Nope DAPP or Cafcass as they are the same as with the court they believe what they want 90% that men are all bad and that we have, coercive /controlling behavior problems!
Which we do not but as x would state this they believe even when there is no evidence all that they have to do is turn up and oral say we have Bingo, unless we all have the same playing field it will always be like this.
Your children are still young to miss out seeing them growing up l would bite the bullet be the better person and yes go on the DAPP.
For me, I'm playing the long game and letting x think she has won and hoping one day the children will make up their own minds in years, seeing what x is truly about!
So what I'm trying to say is swallow your pride don't miss out!
Hi
Having been through this myself albeit on a more serious level with the criminal courts, u less you accept the findings and do the DAPP then Cafcass nor the judge will allow contact with children.
Swallowing pride, playing the long game, short term loss, long term gain, strategically thinking about how you can improve and impact you future is the best way..re DAPP, you will go through an assessment and also the course is group based where you will need to be able to talk about your behaviour etc, and so will need to be able to convicjne re taking ownership, acceptance of guilt, impact on ex and impact on children and how and what you should be doing differently... It is possible to just fudge this and pretend acceptance but you need to be consistent as you will quickly be found out otherwise eg if you do not engage in open group discussion and talk about your behaviour...
Happy to answer any qs..
All the best...
Thanks for your reply..
I am devastated that the court has ruled her lies to be true.. Solicitors stated the burden was on her to prove her allegations.. She lied, cried and they saw her as credible..
I feel I can't fight and jump through anymore hoops.. For me it's not about pride.. It's about morals and not lying.. I cant sit in a room and lie my way through a program and hope that I can show I am a reformed person.
Thank you again for your help
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