Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi guys, firstly I wanted to say thank you for the help & advice I have received over the last 7 months. Without it I would not have been knowledgeable in the areas I am now.
So, the final order was granted and it was granted on a 50/50 shared basis.
The judge did say that he was taking a risk in making it but he felt the SW results were robust enough to stand as evidence and therefore he followed the recommendations set out by him. I was feeling very negative last week but really I think they are just setting her up for another fail. The judge requested that any further matters go through him in any case.
However, In the midst of tying up loose ends with having the order drafted I came across a small problem.
I am due to go away at the end of this year for work for 3 months, leaving my son with my wife. My wife is not named within the proceedings. She is however named as someone who will conduct handovers and her telephone number is listed as an emergency contact.
When I go away, technically can my ex wife keep my son as theoretically my son will not be 'residing with his father..' during that period of time.
My ex's solicitor has stated that because she is not named as a party then she cannot be added to the order as I had requested that she was named as someone my son will live with.
Can someone shed some light on this for me?
If the court order doesn't specify what happens for that period, then there isn't anything to enforce.
You could try returning to court to have these 3 months dealt with as a Specific Issue but there's no guarantee around what the court will decide.
Thank you for sharing your news with us. I hope you're feeling okay about it all.
As much as it irks me to agree with her solicitor, I think they're right. Your wife wasn't a party to the proceedings and doesn't have PR....when you go away your ex can declare that your child should stay with her as your wife doesn't have PR....she would be within her rights to keep hold of her, especially as she has 50/50 shared care, meaning your child resides with both of you.
If you perceive a problem, I wouldn't leave it... you could try writing directly to the judge that made the order and asking for their advice on this issue and a return to court under the existing proceedings to address it specifically. As the case has only just finished, they may agree to bring it back, if not I think it would be sensible to apply for a Specific Issue Order to get clarification.
I'm really sorry that things didn't go to plan, I understand how disappointed you must be feeling, but I think you're right that she is now set up to fail... I doubt she will be able to maintain an adequate level of care, even down to getting your child to school on time, I can see problems ahead for you all...hope I'm wrong.
I think the judge showed weakness, particularly as he stated that he was taking a risk, but rather than stick his neck out, he's hidden behind the SWs recommendations. Risks shouldnt be taken when the welfare of a child is at stake and there was enough evidence against your ex to deny her shared care.
All th best
Thanks Mojo, well her solicitor wanted the order sealed very quickly. I copied the judge in to my reply email because I feel that to maintain consistency my son should be allowed to continue the assigned weeks as they have been set out. I am not happy with the outcome but what is done is done and i cannot change it for now.
The shared care has started now, its now the week that my son is residing with his mother. I took him to school yesterday and he begged me not to let him go with her, its absolutely heartbreaking. I have been accompanying my wife to the school as she takes her other children there and low and behold we see my son. He instantly makes a beeline for my wife and my wife kindly tells him that he must walk with his mum. It will really get up her nose that we see my son every school day regardless of whose week it is yet the mother only sees him on her weeks. She was at the school on time though so that is a good thing.
I am disappointed but most of all feel like I have failed my son. It is a horrible feeling.
I have been speaking with the school and they have advised that if school is suffering as a result of this decision that would be grounds for taking the matter back to court, if my son withdraws from his usual bubbly self then again that would be sufficient. I have to say though, I have lost all faith in the system.
So, for a specific issue order I would need to pay again right? Christmas, she hasn't paid a penny and has still walked away with what she wanted.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.