[Solved] Final hearing what to expect?

Thanks for that actd i will contact the school today let you know how i get on.

Hi scooby,

Essentially your ex is just being unreasonable on the contact issue. This should be a relatively simple matter for the Judge to actually sort.

As an add on point to what actd has said the school themselves now you are living separately need to afford you the right to be able to speak to them in confidence. I have in the past had issues with relation to my Daughters nursery feeding my questions back to my ex. Before you write letters to the school i would definately ensure that this information will not (as per School guidelines) be fed back to her Mother.

In my case the Nursery feeding these questions i was asking (about my daughter) presented problems in Court hearings in that they were mentioned but thankfully not mentioned by the Legal Adviser.

thanks yoji i hope they do see she is just being difficult.

And about contacting the school re not telling mother what i want to do. would they not think that i was putting them in an awkward position would they not have to check with her mother first that she was ok with my daughter doing it?

Hi scooby,

No the school should not say this, at all... you are a parent and have the right to have your concerns (unless they are detriment to the Child) kept confidentially between you and them. As per actd's post your daughter can make this choice.

To give you an idea of how to approach a possible issue (such as your post)... i was called to a meeting with my Daughters Nursery quite some time ago. I was informed (in front of my ex who had undoubtedly forced the meeting) that my calling the Nursery was putting them and her staff in an awkward position which would be affect other children as a consequence. My reply to her in front of a rather smugly sitting ex was to basically exercise my rights as someone with parental responsibility i have a right to this information and equally, that her staff were only feeling uncomfortable with giving me this information because of what my ex was saying (negative about myself). As soon as i said this there was an acknowledging silence. Suffice to say i did not have any such issues after continuing on and under the threat of contacting OfSTED concerning this... like i say knowledge can be a powerful tool.

Yoji is absolutely correct on this. You can expect to speak with the school in confidence about pastoral support for your child and you have every right to do so as you have parental responsibility.

Nurseries are, unfortunately, a different matter and the resident parent has much more control over what happens regarding access to records and general communication.

My son's nursery would often fail to adhere to the legally required staff-to-child ratio due to penny pinching on the part of its management team. My son was actually injured during one of these periods and I reported them to OFSTED. They upheld the complaint and published their findings on the OFSTED website, but I was unable to remove him from that nursery as my ex refused and my PR did not extend to the nursery environment. I could have opted for very long and very expensive court proceedings, but my solicitor advised that my son would be nearing school age by the time the issue was resolved...

thanks for all the advice ive sent an email off to the head teacher about writing to my daughter at school.
She usualy replies to me quite quick so hopefully i will hear something soon and let you know what she thinks hopefully she will see it as a good idea 🙂

hi everyone just got an email back from the head teacher saying she is going to speak with my daughters mother to make sure she has no objection to me writing shannon letters at school. i think i already no what her answer is going to be.

Hi scooby,

Your ex will likely not approve of this. Equally i would question as to why your ex would need to allow you to write letters.

The school should not have contacted the mother.

You're probably right Scooby and I'm surprised that the school has contacted the mother in this instance. The mother, as resident parent, can control contact and I think the school is covering their back. It's a great shame, as there's clearly an opportunity here for you and your daughter to enjoy a form of contact with each other. Given that previous correspondence has failed to reach your daughter, perhaps you can still suggest this approach to the court?

Or alternatively ask whether you can give your daughter a mobile or SIM card for weekly chats and regular text messages. If your daughter has access to the internet maybe you could buy her a cheap laptop or notebook with Skype installed so you can talk over the internet for free?

Given the geographical distance between you, it's not unreasonable to expect weekly telephone and/or written contact. Remember to ask for it to be written into an order. I imagine the school would be happy to go along with the stipulations of a contact order.

thanks lads i was suprised myself i tought the school would of asked my daughter first if she would like to do it,but now i just think mother is going to object just because she can and to hurt me further. i dont realy want to get into an argument with the school about this i no im putting them in an awkward position as it is.
But i do want to try to get as much contact as i can between visits.judge reccomended skype and facebook as my daughter has a facebook acc which shes not allowed use or reply to me and think its just set up to nosey on my page and to get at me by putting stuff up on it saying i love my mam and dad lots and happy birthday to best dad, stepdad is listed as her dad on facebook yet my daughter says she doesnt be on facebook 👿 mother agreed to this at court but then said her pc blew up and she would get grandad to set it up but sure he wont either as they dont want me involved now.
I have phone contact every sunday its in a court order but since my last visit and court hearing (2 weeks ago),my daughter has been very strange and quite on the phone and has stopped telling me she loves me, i presume this is because judge made it clear that my daughters name shouldnt be changed and also judge reccomended contact in ireland, i think mothers finding it hard to take in. i just hope they wont turn her against me because of caffcass coming to do feelings and wishes.
worried sick at what report will come back from caffcass now and theres nothing i can do about it. would be so much easier for me to give her mother what she wants and have walked away but i just couldnt face my daughter wen she grows up and comes to ask me why.
sometimes i do think is it best for me to be around? and for my daughter to be put through this or for me to walk away and let her see them as her family and not been split between 2 of us. 🙁 oh and i have already bought a notebook for my daughter for xmas will install skype and try get mobile broadband for her so ther is no excuse but im sure something will happen to it.

hi, I'm dissappointed at the school's reaction, but I think the suggestion of having this contact put into the contact order will resolve it, as the school then won't have an issue. I suspect that your ex is in the room when you have the phone conversation with your daughter, and that would account for the conversations being strained. I agree that if you get a laptop, something will happen to it - it may be cheaper to get a fairly basic Skype phone from someone like 3 where you can (or used to be able) to get huge amounts of skype calls included in the package, if you're not on 3 yourself, then it may be worth getting a pair of phones - I'm not up to speed with mobile contracts, so there may be other/better deals from other providers. the advantage of this is that she can get out of the house and talk, and it's harder for your ex to be with your daughter when she's speaking to you.

thanks actd
im not back in court till feb but i will defo try get it in a court oder and give it to the school.

she has a phone already but she is only allowed it when coming with me for the whole family to phone her said shes not allowed a phone any other time.
ive seen the mams laptop when dropping her off so she does have 1.shel just find some way around me not having contact has and iphone aswel and does be on facebook everyday no matter what i do shel always prevent it. sure all i can do is try.
when im talking to her its like im on loadspeaker and i can hear them in the backround but she has never been this quite before.