[Solved] final court order in place but now blackmail

If I were you I would just do what is asked, the most important thing here is that you see your child, I haven’t seen my daughter in 9 years so I would consider yourself lucky that she hasn’t stopped you, don’t put your faith in the court orders, they mean nothing... I have seven of them, if she wants to stop you seeing your child then she can.. court order or not, she simply has to tell the court you are being abusive and the judge will side with her... and if this happens you will wish you didn’t say anything at all....I would drive 300 miles to see my daughter...... sometimes its easier to swallow your pride and just focus on seeing your child and having a lovely time..... thats my opinion anyway.....

I completely agree with James, I don't think its worth the trouble it will cause to you and your son. Besides courts do like to see a certain amount of flexibility between parents.

In any regard, it wouldn't be a police matter as the court order is from the civil court. It's wise to pick your fights wisely and in my opinion this isn't one of them. She's only moved the location a couple of miles away and as you have said, contact has been going smoothly otherwise.

It strikes me that you still feel much bitterness and resentment towards her for things that she did in the past, it would really help you if you could let go of these feelings and just concentrate on your son and building a great relationship.

Best of luck

thanks for reply
i hear your advice and shes already tried that...saying ive been abusive etc. and it didnt work.
firs t time was during the proceedings, i was picking my son up from a set location (with cctv etc) she alleged that i had threatened her and left her shaken and tearful. i told my solicitor since the day she left up till present i have a log of every text conversation and still always communicate via text to protect my self and avoid phone calls full stop.
and i also video/voice record my pick up and drop off so im covered and always have a witness with me. its in a public place with cctv.
secondly after the last hearing i had a letter of her solicitor warning me that i should stop harassing their client and threatened me with a non molestation order. I replied stating i have evidence to the contrary and also she had been pestering me and non stop ringing silly hours of the night with her number showing to the extent i had to switch my phone off as i had work early morning and needed sleep. i also informed them i had proof of this and it should be me pursuing /taking action for harassment. i havent heard anything since.

There is a court order in place and it needs to be followed . by both parties. simple as that. any variations need to mutually agreed so they are acceptable to both parties not demanded by one party and then forcefully inflicted by blackmail.

Having a read of the legal definition of blackmail then it applies in this situation and there is evidence aswell.

If you sit back and let them stamp on you then you got no chance in [censored]. They will take you for a mug for the rest of eternity.

You asked for advice and you have received the same answer from James and myself...it appears you disagree with us and that's your prerogative, my advice stands.

Hello bmwm-power,

I sense you are so full of anger regarding your Ex, I fear it will rebound on you unless you let it go and look at the situation wisely..

In the PAST she has denied access to your son, cost you money in legal fees and you have alleged she has lied about you quote "threatened her and left her shaken and tearful" and " threatened" you " with a Non Molestation Order". Those things are in the past so I suggest you leave them there and move forward.

The PRESENT you have your son every weekend where you can do as you please and the mother has no authority to intercede. The time you have with your son is yours and his time and will enable you to build a wonderful fun loving relationship which will give him the security all children need.

You have a choice:-

1) Do you want to jeopardize what you have now, in the PRESENT?

OR

2) Do you want to recreate the past by continuing to be angry and objecting to an extra 3 miles which I am sure will escalate into further arguments? Make no mistake, if you do, you will not be happy and your son will definitely not be happy and he will pick up on this confrontation between you and your Ex which is psychologically unhealthy for the child.

I expect nearly all of us on here have suffered many an injustice in many quarters but we have to look at what we have gained and act and behave accordingly so as to safeguard what we have achieved and not put it in jeopardy.

You're probably feeling so hurt about the past (and probably justifiable so) but you MUST let go of it and learn to be a little flexible, no good will come out of squabbling over 3 miles, will it?.

.

Hi. Good advice from all of the above and I would definitely just swallow the extra 3 miles. I have been through a similar situation with accusations etc but my ex was certainly more volatile.
I had to travel an extra 200 miles only to find out that my ex had not turned up at the contact centre on several occasions for various ridiculous reasons.
This ended with me taking court action that many times that the court ushers actually thought that I was a solicitor!
I won every single time and proved my ex to be a liar and a schemer but the cost was that I had to drop my case completely because of the pressure and upset that it was causing my children. I now have no contact whatsoever.
Any reaction from you will give her just cause for an argument and drive that wedge just a bit deeper.
I totally understand your feelings as I've been there but just remember that you've still got contact and can build a relationship.
Good luck

i hear what you guys are saying
but a legal document is there to be followed. if it were the case that goal posts can be moved as and when and then demanded the other person follow suite with the threat of no contact....then merely what is the point of the whole justice system?
what is the point of going to court for a contact order knowing it can be broken any time and that you have no choice but to sit back and live with it.

sometimes its not good to give in, I have taken on board advice on here and taken appropriate steps as necessary. I have spoken to a lawyer friend who advised me to reach a compromise rather than refuse or give in to her demands . If the matter does go back to court then i will be able to show i have tried to reach a very reasonable and justifiable compromise which if she chooses not to accept out of spite will be clear to the judge.

Mate, drop it, it sounds so petty I can't believe you're wanting to go back to court over something so stupid!!!!!

I agree with the above advice. If you go back to court on something minor like this, you are guaranteed to wholeheartedly [censored] off the court - at best you will both get a verbal lashing and be told to go off and sort it out, at worst the court might agree with your ex and change the order (personally, I think it's more likely to be the first) - either way, your ex knows that she can push the limits further and a court will not have backed you, and you could be worse off than you are now. Plus, it will cost you money for the enforcement, and your ex will realise that she can keep doing this and really ruin your life. And if a solicitor tells you to reach a compromise rather than taking the case (and your money), you can be pretty certain that he thinks you'll lose also.

I totally agree with the above advice but I do agree when you say it's not right to give in.
The fact is that you're not giving in. Make a note of all of these obstacles which will then form a bigger, clearer picture of what has been going on as you may need to show the full picture at some point. It will also show how flexible you've been in trying to keep the peace and minimise any upset for your son.
It can be really frustrating but don't allow your chain to be choked otherwise you could end up looking as foolish and petty as your ex..

If you take this back to court on an enforcement application, you will look foolish and it's likely the judge will order the handovers to take place at a new location if she's moved. Take the advice above, pick your battles, let it go and negotiate a new location in a public place if you don't like the one she's picked. The court care about contact for the child, not what is most convenient for either of you.