[Solved] FHDRA in the morning

Don't be too worried. Your in at 12pm later for your hearing as it will be done and dusted before 1pm. Nothing much will be happening at this hearing.
Theres a non molestation final hearing as you say so they haven't established if she has done any wrongdoing or not yet. Most she will get is supervised access at hearing, my guess is as you are wanting no contact that's what it will be and a hearing will be set after the non mol final hearing.
If it rules in her favour she will get access quicker but its a slow process. If it goes in your favour it is going to make the hill even steeper for her just to secure supervised access. Also the fact cafcass haven't rang you suggest that this hear will only last less than 45 mins

Thank you for your reply, I read it just before I left for court and it was really helpful.

Yesterday reminded me exactly of why I detest Cafcass. A serious review should be undertaken of their practices.

I arrived at court and the Cafcass officer had a ton of cases going on, she was back and forward to the court juggling all of these cases and you could see the smoke coming out of her ears. Finally, eventually my time came to see her and wow I was taken aback by how aggresive she was towards me. Immediately she went all in on me, saying [censored] like she has serious concerns about my child living with me, I have a concerning history blah blah blah. I said to her no doubt I have a history, I'm not trying to hide from that, but the history isnt as black and white as it says on your paper work and the fact is the past few years I now have a settled life, a permanent home and I have a unblemished record in the past few years. I politely informed her that people are capable of change and surely that's the whole purpose of the criminal justice system? To reform offenders?

I didnt like the way she approached this interview. She dropped in that she had previously spoken to my ex on the phone so was clear she had already established the facts through my ex and had a pre conceived idea. Surely the best way to do things is to introduce yourself and then ask the parent to tell you about themselves? About the current situation and all that and then ask questions based on that? Instead I found myself answering questions and trying to fit my side of the story into those questions which was very difficult. Especially when you say something and they say sorry I have to interrupt you there as we will talk about that later. I felt like I was only able to partially tell me story, in fact I wasnt even able to tell her some pretty basic things! Isnt the role of the Cafcass officer to establish even the most basic of facts? This is real children's actual lives, the work they undertake can determine the children's lives, so therefore although they may be overworked, surely they have an absolute duty to make sure that before they are making any recommendations that they are at least familiar with the childs life and circumstances? I have a very poor opinion of Cafcass due to previous dealings with them and my opinion has only got worse. But I remained calm and collected despite her aggressiveness.

After about ten minutes she cut the interview short as she had to take a urgent call from her manager about another case and in was ushered out of the room. When her call had finished she then informed me she was off to lunch.

I did have a little arguement with her as I said I had to leave court at 2.30 in order to get home to collect my child, she said something along the lines of that is not of her concern and I said excuse me? You have sat in that room telling me you have great concerns about my son being in my care and when I've raised a situation with you where he has no one to collect him from school if I dont get out of her, you have no concern about that? Other people who were in the waiting room and had dealings with her were on the floor laughing their heads off about this. She was just totally incompetent.

However after lunch things got rather bizarre. She invited me back into her room and it was like she had had a brain transplant at lunch. She was suddenly nice to me and was suddenly on my side. It's worth mentioning at this point, that mother failed to attend this hearing, didnt even call to inform the court of her absence. This I felt had a huge bearing on the officers opinion because her non attendance backed up exactly what I had said about mothers that she only wants to see child when it suits her, unable to put his needs above her own and all that and the reason she dont see him is because of her own doing and her own inconsistent approach to having contact with him.

She put in this application just before Xmas, on a urgent basis as she had tagged onto it some wild accusations that I was going to run away with the child to another country, I said at the time, she only did that in the hope they would hear her contact application at the same time as the urgent prohibited steps order in order for her to see him at Xmas, as that's the only time of year she wants to see him. Luckily they split the two.

Having obviously using the lunch period to familiarise herself with mothers history, and in particular her previous court proceedings with her elder child and his father where she also made many emergency applications the Cafcass officer came to the opinion that mother had only filled this application for Xmas contact and now that its January she doesn't care again. When we eventually went into court, the judges were also of the same opinion.

Mother had previously told the officer that when my son came to live with me, I did that against her will, I simply kept him she said. Our son was on a protection plan at that point as her elder son was placed on one due to things with his father so my son had to be included on the plan. Mother informed the Cafcass officer I didnt inform Social Services of this change and that at the point of them ending the protection plan they wasnt aware that the child was living with me. I said hold up a second, how ridiculous does that actually sound? Social services ending a protection plan without knowing where the child is living? Really? That was a light bulb moment. I said right, now allow me to tell you the truth, how social services were involved and were fully aware of the situation, how they tried to get mum to have contact, have I offered contact, how I chased contact, how social services had to do direct work in nursery with my child because he was suffering huge anger and violence issues as his mother just abandoned him and kept breaking promises after promises to him. Eventually myself and social services took the decision that we had tried enough to walk the horse to water and i gave up trying and so did they. By this point my son had shown a vast improvement in behaviour. She said at lunch she had called social services to establish the facts but they refused to talk without a court order, I have a strong feeling they possibly spoke off of the record to her however because she suddenly said as social services have no concerns about child living with you, after their close involvement with child and you, then I cant have concerns either. That was a huge turn around wasnt it? But how did she know they had no concerns when they refused to talk to her? Of course they spoke to her, she was just trying to save face.

So basically with mothers non attendance that has totally gone against her, of course she will come up with some unbelievable reason why she didnt attend, just like she would come up with Unbelievable reasons why she couldn't even so much as make a phone call to my son. I've made my position very clear to social services and now the courts. I am not opposed to contact in principle, she has to somehow convince me that if contact was allowed and she was allowed back into his life that she is going to be a consistent part of his life, she is going to put his needs 1st.

Due to his young age, he has forgotten about her, he never speaks about her. If contact was to go ahead then I'd have to prepare him for that but my concern is, what if I prepare him for that and then she doesn't turn up to contact? Just like she didnt turn up to court? Just like she couldn't be bothered to get him anything for Xmas/birthday or provide for him. What happens then? All the progress that he has made in the past two years gets undone, that's what happens. He will go back to being violent etc. He is a totally different child to the one he was a year ago, the difference is night and day. He is absolutely loving school and he is thriving. I'm not prepared to risk that and I was overjoyed to hear the Cafcass officer and the judges say they are also concerned if they allowed contact she may not attend, or may just attend the once or twice and that will be that. They also said that it would strictly be in a contact centre. That would present issues in itself as the contact centres here are only on Saturdays and me and my son go to football on a Saturday. I live in a little town, stay at home all week, do the school runs, do the washing, the cooking etc etc etc. Me and my son going to football on a Saturday is non negotiable, that is our father son day, a day away from this town, a day away from the daily grind, a day to just enjoy ourselves. But anyways, they said if they were to allow her to see him at a contact centre, they would need to know she would turn up and from that day onwards me a consistent part of his life, and they are unconvinced she will be able to convince them of that. Not turning up at the 1st contact hearing is probably one of the most wrong moves you could make I imagine. Especially when the other side is putting forward a arguement that you're inconsistent and that's why contact doesn't happen.

I was a little annoyed they didnt just dismiss the case there and then. I've stressed all over the Xmas period about this and then she didnt even have the decency to attend the 1st hearing of her application? Didnt attend the non mol hearing last week either so that's going to a final hearing where I hope she doesn't attend either.

She is being given one final chance to attend in 5 weeks time, social services have also been ordered to file a very short letter saying they knew about the living arrangements. Hopefully she doesn't attend that either and it just goes away. However the problem I got is whilst it would be good for them to dismiss the application it means in the future if I were to wish to take my son on holiday abroad, I'd have to return to court to seek permission. I'd rather just get the residence order or whatever it's called now so I can take him for 28 days without her permission.

Thank you for reading.

hi,

that is one crazy ex lol. strange goings on. at work theres a single mum. her ex lives in the states and he flies over once a year to UK, and literally spends 1 day with the child and gets back on a plane! but they seem to be ok with that :p

i am surprised they did not give you residence order as you obviously live full time with your child. well perhaps at the next hearing you can ask for this.