[Solved] Feel like giving up.

...the strain of proceedings is hard, even for dads that aren't feeling the kind of pressure that you are under. It's an emotional roller coaster!

It's very difficult to predict how long to be honest, if she started making allegations about you, this would drag it out further and as she is so controlling this is likely. Some more complex cases can take a couple of years, my own sons first case lasted over a year and his second, eighteen months. A case that is relatively straight forward can take roughly six months and a case where agreement is reached at the first hearing, you're looking at around 3 months.

Some courts have a backlog of cases, so time from application to first hearing can be months rather than weeks, a court that is not so busy, you can be in court for the first hearing between 6 - 8 weeks after submission of the forms.

To make an application for a Child Arrangements Order costs £215 and that's the only charge. As far as mediation, this can differ, but you can shop around for the best price. Here's a link to the mediation services

www.nfm.org.uk

The reason they give for mediation/court proceedings to be at the location of the resident parent is simply that because of childcare commitments the court deems it easier for the non resident parent to travel. If you were to make the application where you live it would only get moved.

Oh god, that's a long time and yes she will do everything she can to discredit me to prove some sort of self righteousness despite it not being in our sons best interest at all.

I clearly need to think about this....thanks.

You could instigate mediation and see how that goes, if it fails and the mediator signs off the form, you have four months to submit an application...so a little breathing space and it might give her some food for thought. You could try and introduce a parenting plan and see if you can get any progress that way.

I was supposed to have him this Sunday and she's pulled it away from me again. I've filed for mediation, I'm not doing this anymore... I will fight for him and I to have a relationship and some happiness amidst this chaos despite her efforts. Any advice would be appreciated.

im like u mate it takes it out of you, were all human, ive not seen my daughter in a full year, coz ex is just as nasty as yours, but if i can give you any advice,,,, whe your ex gets the c100 docs,, its all out war,, and even gets much worse,, best ov luck buddy

Thanks. Although that sounds really bad. I guess I need to prepare for the worst. God give me strength...and im not religious.

It's not a quick process and it can often get worse before it gets better, but it should improve once you've jumped through the hoops and let the court do what they need to do.

Hopefully she might agree at the first hearing and you can get an order sorted quickly.

Well it all came to ahead and we have her father to also thank for that...I couldn't take any more. They exasperated me completely and I let them know that which followed with further accusations of being 'unstable'. I've been accused of everything now and frankly something just switched off...finally I just thought I'm not doing this anymore. So all communication stopped and I haven't seen my son for 8 weeks which does hurt a considerable amount, but in the mean time I decided to sort myself out...I've been going to the gym everyday, quit smoking, limited any alcohol intake to barely anything and even cut coffee right down (people that know me would be shocked at the coffee more). I feel good about myself and stronger physically and mentally. I found forgiveness in my heart for her and her words and disposed of any negative feelings...it's been a big fight this last eight weeks but well worth the effort with plenty to go. I filed for mediation and attended my MIAM, she ignored the mediators letters and phone calls and they ended out closing the case and I received the p19 from the C100. The C100 went off to court and I've been notified I will receive the letter with hearing dates etc tomorrow morning. So, onwards and upwards.

thats the spirit you can do no more no1 priority whilst your not seeing your child is you as you're good to no one especially your child if you lose it.

It's probs best you don't have any contact as no more false allegations can be banded about and it will keep you more focused on court and building a decent case.

I had to change my mobile number 6 times i blocked my ex on social media and all her family friends the stress of all the abuse was too much.

Crack on with court be prepared do your research dont rise to anything and above all stay cool calm and collected at all times and be nice and respectful to everyone you meet in court and remember no slagging the ex off 🙂

all the best

Slim 🙂

That's great to hear LJ ... you're now in a better position to deal with the stress associated with court... keep up the good work.

If you need any advice and support going forward, please don't hesitate to ask. In the meantime, it would be a good idea to work on a brief two page position statement to take to the first hearing.

All the best

Well the court papers turned up today, I can see it's the same copies she will be receiving, I assume today. The first hearing is three and half weeks away!! I'm very impressed at the speed now, the mediation process took a while but it feels like things have finally gathered momentum.
It's very sad it's had to come to this, I still love the woman but I had to realise that it wasn't working for one reason and another... however I cannot take being accused of something I believe to be untrue anymore and if I'm to be judged then I'll have a judge judge me, not her or her parents or her friends etc...I'm sure she will be upset by this court hearing in some way as have I coming to realise it's the only road she has left for me. I hope she can find the right help to help her see that this is about our little boy and not out of bitterness or hate, as I said, I've found forgiveness and I hope she can at sometime realise I've always been on her side and am willing to always do what is right by our son and even by her if it benefits my son. It's not nice to think she maybe hurt and upset by the upcoming court hearing and our son may see her upset, but I really had no other choice left. I wish she would have tried mediation when they contacted her, rather than send me a message after 8 weeks odd of stopping me and saying then she'll go to a mediator...maybe it could have been resolved. It's been hard taking legal advice that stated 'no communication' with her as it felt cruel and horrible and all I wanted to do was reach out and try sorting things, but the reality was it could only be sorted if I agreed to all her terms, apologize for things I didn't feel were ever solely my fault and bent, jumped and kneeled to every demand....but it's all about our son now, and that is the most important thing of all.
So I guess I better start studying again and get all the paperwork in order...there was me thinking I'd stopped studying this year after my masters!
Thanks for the words of encouragement from people on here, I know it can be tough given there is always two sides to a story and I'm sure there are elements to my story that might be driven by anger and hurt and also elements that I did not say or discuss as I cannot justify shaming her or damming her because I still respect her as my son's mother and for the love I still have. With that being said, when the time is over it's over. Such a shame she listened to everyone else but her and I.
I'm guessing it's getting a statement ready now? CAFCASS are going to do a background check, does that also involve interviews with each of us or is that after the first hearing should it continue to a second?

Thanks again.

Hi,

Just wanted to wish you luck. Well done for not giving up.

I'm in a similar position. I'm in Wales, with my ex and baby daughter in Ireland. She spouted horrible allegations too.

In the end I took her to court and represented myself. Tbh it wasn't as bad as I was expecting. It was quite relaxed for a hearing, and I think the judge actually took pity on me because I was up against a barrister.

At the moment I only get to see my daughter for a few hours twice a month, which isn't anywhere near enough, but I'm restricted by distance and costs. In the court order though, there is an expectation that this will increase over time, and eventually shell be able to come and stay with me for the holidays and stuff.

Hope it all goes well 🙂