[Solved] Family court process

Mojo, as always appreciate your input

I am starting to feel that I have no chance of even getting an order to formalise the current arrangements.

This means my ex can effectively dictate what time I get with my children, she even replies “I’ll agree to let you have the Sunday night”. She can tell the CMS whatever she wants and without a court order I can do nothing about it.

Is there any light at the end of this tunnel?

Mojo

Just to add my ex has just sent me a calendar for 2020 that details the current shared care arrangements running right through 2020. Therefore she can’t claim in court they aren’t working or suitable for the children

Please don’t feel that you have no chance, you’re premise for needing an order is because she moves the goalposts and cancels/moves dates without notice. You would argue that the children need the security of a routine that they can rely on and it’s necessary to plan for activities and family events.

I mean you could mention that although she has prepared a schedule for 2020 which illustrates the current schedule, she still insists to CMS that you have them less than agreed.

Does this calendar indicate the correct schedule? You can send a copy of this in to the CMS. I seem to remember a past member started taking photos of the children at bedtime, in their pjs with the time and date on the photo, to prove that they were staying over, in the end it worked and he got believed!

Hi Mojo

Sorry to keep asking so many questions

My ex has emailed me tonight to say she cannot find any additional nights in the remainder of the year for me to have. I currently have 152. This is ludicrous as there are still gaps in the summer and October half term where I would not see my children for over a week. She is totally controlling and causing me massive mental stress as a result

2020 as I mentioned before had been proposed and that is gives me 3 nights on average though clearly that is going to be counted night by night and should I miss one for any reason she’ll be back into the CMS

This isn’t coparenting but nothing I read suggests the court will tackle this controlling behaviour??

Hi Harry,

compared to me your getting a lot more contact! if you want to take this to court, you have to be very specific about why your taking that route and what you want. could state you have restricted contact during school holidays and ask for more contact. are you getting the kids for half the school holidays? if not, then thats probably a good starting point. if you do take court route, then better to not mention money and CMS. keep that to the bottom of the list. once you get an order stating exactly what number of days/weeks you get contact, then you can phone up CMS about it. you will have to weigh up the pros and cons e.g. is it worth going to court and spending a lot of money, if its just to get 1 or 2 days of additional contact. i just spent 1 night with the kids after nearly 2 weeks waiting.

Have you brought the gaps to her attention Harry? Let her know that it’s not acceptable to have weeks where you don’t have the children, consistency is as much for the children’s sake as anything else.

Maybe you should tell her that if she won’t agree to a consistent 3 day weekly schedule, you will have to consider going to court for an order to have it defined, and if you do that, you will be asking for a shared care arrangement, which will state that the children live with you both.

I think it might be worth considering mediation... she might realise you’re not going to be fobbed off anymore.

Leaving it to her whim is just causing you so much stress, you may find that taking some kind of action will help you feel better... it’s about taking some control back.

Just to update....

Ex sent me through calendars with shared care for this year and next which clearly showed the 3 day per week average pattern

I uploaded them to the CMS and having spoken to a case manager on Friday they have agreed with me

Interesting comment from case worker is they look at what the shared care is reasonably expected to be and expect a change in pattern to be for 12 weeks before they amend their calculations. If they publicised this more it would stop people counting nights and create much more give and take with shared parenting arrangements.

good news. yep CMS seem strict with all this. i told them about my court order that says i will get full, every other weekend with the kids, from end of july. they told me they can't do anything now and i will need to phone back as soon as the full weekends start.

Thanks for the update Harry... it sounds like you’re getting there! Hopefully the case manager you spoke to last week will stick with your case.

It’s a good idea to ask for anything discussed/agreed over the phone to be put in writing.

Well done and best of luck

Mojo

Case manager said he’d be writing with his decision and revised payments.

Whilst my ex can appeal, given all the information I sent the cms originated from her I can’t see what she could appeal with.

It shows that the CMS standard response of wanting a court order can be worked around in other ways

They called her twice to ask her to confirm that I now had 3 days a week and both times she still told them no. So without hard evidence I wouldn’t have got the change agreed.

Flawed system that takes verbal say-so as the basis of calculation, though appreciate for the CMS shared care is a nightmare area to work with.

...I think in one respect you’re fortunate inasmuch as she provided you with a written schedule/calendar, which I don’t think is common practice.

I remember a past member that needed to prove his children slept overnight, so he took photos of them in Pjs, smartphones record date and time on the photos, which makes it really easy to show.... anyway he was successful in providing proof over a period of time and got an adjustment... it helps to think outside the box!

glad to hear this has worked out for you.

It's certainly a flawed system in many senses. So many different situations and no one size fits all solution!