[Solved] Family court process

Hi there

It’s good to hear that you’ve got great info from here.

When you say three days, does that include overnight stays?

Self representing is doable, we’ve had many members that have done just that, with much success.

If agreement can be reached, its possible to let the court know at the hearing and ask for it to be put into a consent order. Although if you’re seen to agree too readily, the court can also make a no order ruling, if they think you don’t need court intervention to work together.

In my opinion the impact on the children, in asking for equal shared care or the three days, is the same. The process is the same for both. Going for more contact than you would be ok with can be useful, as it gives you room to be seen to compromise without losing too much... courts like to see parties making compromises.

The real importance of a shared care order, is not the equal sharing of time with the children, it’s the fact that the order states that the children live with both parents, h equalises parental status... when you have an order that says that a child lives with one parent and visits the other, it often gives the lived with parent a presumption that they are the more important parent.

All the best

mojo. i am one of those that have a kids live with mother order.i just know i will be back in court in future, to get permission to take kids abroad on holiday. if i was to try change that to lives with both parents, will that be unsuccessful, as i can not commmit to picking up kids and dropping them to school on regular basis?

... There’s no way of knowing whether t would be unsuccessful Bill, if you’re heading back to court, it’s worth a try... a shared care arrangement doesn’t have to have both parents perform equal tasks, or having an equal share of time with each parent.

Mojo, thanks for your message

I’m met with my ex tonight to discuss a few issues one of which was that she has told the cms I have 148 nights. We have an agreement that I have 3 nights in 7, but then makes the comment that’s term time only - new one on me but clearly meets her need to get a higher cms assessment. She refused to let me have the extra 8 nights and I adcviswd her I have no option but court to get the 3 nights a week agreement and then show this to the CMS, however also repeated my intention to go for equal shared care as that’s what the kids want so is in their best interest tomavhivw this. (they are too young to be listened to but have valid views). Got the usual it’s just about money comments back from my ex, yet she’s the one using 148 nights to get more from me.
As I said looking to self represent but not sure whether to go for equal or just get the 3 nights in a court order. 3 nights arrangement have been in place for 8 months but with some school holiday give and take (or so I thought). Don’t particularly want a long drawn out process if there is a way to achieve this outcome at the directions stage?

Generally mediation needs to have been attempted before an application can be made, a mediator would need to sign off the C100 form, give the mediator a call and see if they would be prepared to sign it off, due to your ex’s refusal.... there is a fee for that.

If there are no safeguarding issues and she doesn’t start making allegations, then the process should be fairly straightforward. There are no guarantees of success, but courts work on the premise that both parents should be as involved as possible. It would be unusual for contact to be reduced, but it can happen.

Perhaps mediation could go ahead if you left it to the mediator to ask her formally to attend... an official request can throw a different light on her decision, it will at least tell her that you’re not prepared to drop it.

Hi Mojo

Really appreciate your comments

I’m thinking that I go for a court order that confirms the current shared parenting which has been in place for 8 months now, I’d hope to achieve this at the first hearing and dispute resolution meeting.

Am I being too hopeful? I’m sure there won’t be any Cafcass issues raised and the court are only being asked to approve what is in existence to stop my ex being controlling with the shared parenting particularly during school holidays when she takes my days and puts her holiday over the top and claims I don’t have enough days a year

Thanks

Once your application is in, the court will assign CAFCASS to prepare a Schedule 2 letter, this will outline any safeguarding issues and can make recommendations. If there are no safeguarding issues, CAFCASS will not need to be involved further.

When you get to court you will be encouraged to reach agreement with each other, if you can then the court can make a final order by consent at that stage. If there are still disagreements, the court will most likely set a further hearing and ask for statements from you both, and possibly further reports.

Mediation is the first step in this process and if it hasn’t been attempted, the court may order you both to attend.

Here’s a link to some useful info about how it all works.

http://www.familycourtinfo.org.uk/i-need/how-court-works/

There’s also some videos in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section, which you may find helpful.

Ok so here’s an update

Ex is flatly refusing mediation so court is the only viable route. We have exchanged some emails over childcare arrangements for this year as she’s told the CMS I have 148 nights this year, she told them this in April and in the next 12 months I’ll have 160.

Anyway, she’s now agreed to me having four more nights to make it 152 so manipulating and controlling the CMS calculations. She is controlling my access to them even though we have an agreed 3/7 pattern which has flexed due to school holidays. Effectively as she works term time only she has “arranged” activities for them and says there isn’t any more time available for me.
For me it’s not about the maintenance it’s about the control and manipulation.
As I’ve said on her previous my plan is to go for a child arrangement order for the well documented 3/7 shared care. I can’t see any other way of taking away her ability to control my time with the children.
Anyone have any comments on how the court would view my application as it would be largely on the basis of removing the control from my-ex and having a court order that proves the shared care arrangements.
My initial plan was to go for 50/50 but I’m not convinced I would get that up against someone who works part time/term time only

hi sounds like you need a court order in this situation. its unfair if you get more spare time and she refuses contact with kids. she will probably cut down your contact if shes mad at you, and mess you around in future. its possible you get more contact by taking the legal route.

what happens if you ring CMS and clarifying exactly how many nights you have with the kids?

Hi

The CMS require a court order or for the receiving parent to amend their information

Despite a multitude of evidence of the shared care arrangements they aren’t interested

A shared care arrangement doesn’t have to mean that time with the children is split equally between the parents. I think I’ve mentioned before that what it does do is put both parents on an equal footing, with the children living with both parents and having two homes, rather than the child living with one parent and visiting the other.

Sometimes it’s better to ask for more than you would be ok with, as it gives you room to be seen to make compromises, without losing out.

I would be cautious about basing your case on wanting to take control away from the mother. If your children are used to a specific routine, where they stay with you 3 nights a week, that should be your starting point. It also gives you the opportunity to be fully involved with their school, meeting their teachers and getting to know their friends and other parents, build your case around your children, not your ex.