Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi,
I spent the entire day yesterday at criminal court as the mother of my daughter had whipped me straight back there for breaching a restraining order that had been in place since last june. I wont go into to much detail about it as i havent posted this topic for that reason.
To try and mount a defence yesterday i mentioned my past, i was adopted, brought up in care my entire life, childrens homes, not had a proper solid up bringing, unstable due to not having any family and being bounced around from care home to care home for 16 years. Seeing people die, seeing people mutilated and me living in a brothel for the first 18 months of my life seeing my mother sliced apart with a knife by a hostile "customer" of hers. I was in a kids home with 4 other children who are all now dead. When i mentioned all that to criminal court they took all this into account and realised people can commit crimes in their adult life due to a bad childhood They listen to this and empathise and they will consider giving lesser sentences, and helping you rehabilitate for a better future.
Now if you mention your past in family court, a court you attend not because you broke the law but a court you attend to see your children you get judged by all the authorities, humiliated and it goes in total reverse. I am fully aware they can not put a child at danger but it seems they dont help you in family court even though your trying to do the right thing. I have to fund all the courses they have told me to attend, i have to take days off work and pay for all travel expenses. On the courses i have to prove time and time again that im a decent father and i can be trusted. Where as criminal court will fund all the courses they order you on, they pay for your travel expenses if you provide evidence of the costs and will basically babysit your [censored] until you do as they say. I guess this is just a rant and it all makes sense why each court do these things but it frustrates me that when you maim and hurt people, break the law you get all the help you need, want to see your kid due to silly mistakes cos of your past you get told to do all the leg work and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Paul
Hello T135TO,
I can understand your feelings in comparing criminal court to family court.
In criminal court you are innocent until proven guilty but in family court where the mother uses underhand tactics to stop a father having access to their child/ren, it would appear in many cases he is viewed with enormous suspicion as if guilty and consequently has to prove his innocence and worth as a father.
I believe the majority of fathers who are unjustifiably denied access to their children by the mothers whether they have a criminal record or not, find the family court system and those associated with it totally unjust. Obviously, as you say, quote, "they cannot put a child in danger" but the psychological threat the mother poses to the child appears in the main overlooked when denying access to the father.
Individually we cannot do anything other than accept the system that exists at present. However, we can work with the system and achieve the aims we have or choose not to, if the latter we can cause ourselves more frustration, heartache and less reward. In the future, I believe the system will evolve and acknowledgement given to those fathers who have had to battle so hard to gain access to their children and eventually a more just system will be available to those in need of it.
What we have now is the strength of character to pursue what is a father's right and each other to help/support us in our aims for justice.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.