[Solved] False Allegations

We’ve all been there, I still remember the strain from years ago, it could be all consuming sometimes, and it got to the point where we had to disconnect ourselves from the case emotionally...to step outside of it and try and view it impersonally, as a solicitor would... it actually worked! But down time was equally important and saved our sanity at times!

All the best

Thanks for your reply Mojo.

Sorry I didn't reply sooner, I've been run off my feet recently so haven't had time or been online. I try to disconnect myself from it all but at times it can be hard to disconnect emotionally especially when i see how it is affecting my child. I had to sit last week and watch my little one scream and cry for me saying she wanted her daddy when the ex came to collect her. My little one is now at the age where she is beginning to speak better and has recently been saying that her older brother has been hitting her. I've mentioned this to my lawyer and that I have raised concerns previously about this.

...it's heart wrenching I know. Our only instinct is to protect our children. Without condoning it, brothers and sisters do fight... although if there is a big age difference that is concerning, all you can do is to keep bringing it up with the mother and hopefully, now your little one is more vocal about it, she will act to put a stop to it.

All the best

Thanks for the reply Mojo.

It was hard to watch last weekend, it's not often I've seen the little one like that but then seeing her then contact suddenly being stopped must have some sort of impact. I get that siblings fight, I have siblings and we fought like cat and dog growing up. There is nearly an 8 year gap between her oldest and mine. Without going into too much detail her oldest has severe issues and it's always raised concerns even when we were in a relationship.

Hello Sparky,

I hope you're doing better now than at the time the posts were written. How are you coping?

What did you do at the time to help you. I'm trying hard but it's affecting me a lot. I'm constantly thinking about my kid and believe my ex wants me to not be in my kids life and is torturing me.

My ex sounds to behave just like yours. Punishing me for leaving her by not letting me see my kid. We separated about 4 months ago after she called police and had me arrested for DV, I was released with no further action.

I didnt know where she was living For a month and a half and she was ignoring my calls and texts. In that period my child suffered from fractured wrist which I wasn't made aware about.

Contact with my son started in June but it was intermittent and she kept cancelling on me when she didn't get something from me that she wanted. My son no longer recognised me and this was damage she had caused simply for her not getting her way.

It became too much for me after 4 months when I realised she was using my son as a form to control me and I said the relationship was over and wasn't thinking of getting back with her. Since then she has stopped all communication with me, blocked me, not responded to texts about letting me see my son. I eventually submitted application to court and now waiting for hearing.

I started making child maintenance payments but then she went to CMS and got them involved. They have said her entitlement is less by just over a quid than what i was already paying her.

The FDHRA isnt till another 2 months and I'm finding it difficult. I hear these things can take long before something is decided. I'm constantly worried about what she will do to punish me further, she will frustrate the system and cause delays, throw dirt at me. Even after all this I cannot see co parenting with her being easy.

Anything you did to help you mentally and emotionally would be much appreciated

hi,

my final hearing was back in may. glad its over and proper contact arrangements in place. but the trouble will never end lol. before and after court action, the ex said on 2 occassions that i will not be seeing the kids until social services investigate such and such. on both occassions socials didnt seem bothered and said no further action.

check out this video, for co-parenting with a controlling ex: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_2NWuswJgU

what you should do is try and socialise more with friends and family. take weekend getaways, road trips. this will help clear your mind and its much better for your sanity.

Hi Justbeingdad.

My ex still tries to give me grief and make life difficult but I have completely cut her out of my life, I do not attempt in any way shape or form try to reason with her, contact her etc. I have tried co parenting and she would harass me to get back with her when we would spend time with our daughter together and then turn nasty when things didn't go as she had planned.

My best advice to you would be to cut the ex off completely, my ex hates that I do not give her the time of day now or even blink an eyelid to her bull. do not attempt to contact her, co parent etc. If she is anything like my ex it will backfire on you to her advantage, my ex is very calculated and everything she says and does has an ulterior motive behind it and people like that are extremely dangerous.
Deal with things through court and show them that you are a good father and dont get involved in your ex partners games. If she is anything like my ex then she will do everything in her power to screw with you, stop contact, use your child as a weapon, make false allegations against you etc and no matter how much you try to make things work, unfortunately co parenting will never be possible with some people. I have now realised this is the case with my ex and so now I ignore her and do not acknowledge or even make eye contact when I do see her at court and have completely erased her from my life. I feel so much better for it as her bullshit no longer gets to me, you should get yourself out with family, friends etc or even go on a few dates and live your life and forget about your ex and deal with everything through lawyers/court and focus on seeing your child only.

Thanks bud,

It seems with my ex that everything is tic for tac and she needs to the one controlling what happens. It's dangerous. Completely ignores my text even when it's purely about my little one.

No worries.

My ex is exactly the same with a [censored] for tat mentality and also very controlling, my ex is slowly losing control since I no longer communicate with her and things have went through court and although it has been a slow process I now have my child staying over nights. I would maybe try and refrain from sending your ex text messages and if you do send texts keep it specifically about your child, do not let the conversation stray and do not say anything that could be twisted or perceived as harassing or threatening as she could then call the police and try claim that you are harassing her and have you arrested. This is the sort of thing my ex would do hence why I refuse to deal with her directly or have any form of contact with her at all now as she would only use it to her advantage and attempt to sabotage future contact.

Thanks again.

Yep I've made my decision not to contact even if it's for my child. I've sent messages (less than 10 in a month) strictly about my child, only to be ignored so there's absolutely no point in continuing. . It does no good to me and i believe she sees this as her taking control especially when I continue despite receiving no response.

I don't want to go through any of her friends or her family as they are all the same as her. They're her puppets and they respond with whatever she tells them to and are unhelpful and unreasonable.

I like to refer to the puppets as flying monkeys, look up the term "flying monkey" this rings true in my situation dealing with the ex.

Kids pick up on things at an early age and are very observant so another thing I would avoid is bad mouthing your ex etc when ever your child is with you. Once you have contact make it about you and your child and also show them how great a dad you are and give them the love and attention they need and your child will grow up with a different view of you to the poisonous views of many a bitter and vindictive ex.

I hope you get to see your child and like I previously mentioned, try and avoid communicating with your ex if she is anything like mines is and show the courts you are a good father and want to spend the time with your child and hopefully everything will work out for you in the end like it is starting to turn out for me now.

Flying monkeys is exactly what they are. They fit the description of flying monkeys perfectly.