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hi i am a bit lost at the moment, sunday night my wife confessed to having an affair, we have two girls 10 and 11 and i love them all to bits they have been my life for over 24 years we have been married 19 of them, so for the sake of the kids i tried to remain calm ??? i did not shout there was absolutly no physical contact whatsoever what we did manage to do was agree to go for proffesional help and try and sort this out but monday afternoon i tried to pick my youngest up from primary school which i do most days when the wife is at work only to be told i was not allowed any contact and if i argued they would ring the police a "womans refuge" came and took my girl away and now i have no way of knowing where they are absolutely no contact and a slight problem, apparently i have been accused of some sort of abuse this goes in line with the refuges policy i dont know what abuse there has never been any abuse of any kind. The problems all started when my wife took to going out drinking with a newly divorced friend to help cheer her up, i never stopped her i never have but over the space of twelve months my wife has changed dramatically and this was noticed by our children also, so being the dutiful father i asked her about it and recieved the reply " well she is my friend" she had planned a party for my 40th and i was over the moon but when my birthday approached she decided to go out without me instead, fancy having a party you are not even invited too! but iwas not allowed to complain and i was accused of badgering her about her social life even though it was putting a major strain on our relationship and hers with the children. This new years eve she attended a party (agin without me) with her friend and it transpired that she met someone although they still rang me at 3.30 in the morning for a lift and she has been secretly meeting up with him since all with the help of her so called friend who is fully aware of the damge caused by divorce on children, it was her friend who told her to contact the refuge on monday and tell them i was mentally abusing her because of my controlling behaviour and now i have no way of contact, social services have no records of any claims, the police know where she is but are unwilling to pass on the information due to the allegations even though there are no charges being brought the only people that are in contact are are this so called friend and the everso man loving residence of the refuge and solicitors are going to take weeks so thet tell me and my children are stuck in the middle is there any way i can get an order preventing this friend from contacting my wife
thanks phil
Hi Phil,
I'm sorry to hear about your problems. It's clearly a very difficult time for you and everything must feel incredibly raw right now. The main thing is to try and remain calm. Surround yourself with friends and family for the time being. It may not seem like it now, but things will get better.
I would recommend that you don't try to see your wife until your solicitor makes contact with hers. Don't make the situation worse. Keep your eye on what's important; your kids. I very much doubt that there's any way of getting an injunction preventing your wife from interacting with her friend. I would also recommend that you stay clear of this friend. Don't put yourself into a situation that could backfire on you, thus preventing or restricting access to your children.
I have been in a similar postion to you and know how it feels to have someone point a finger and make false allegations of abuse. I was angry for months and even now, if I think about it for too long, I get upset.
You mention police involvement? Where you arrested? If so, I assume from your post that you were released without charge? I would advise that you instruct your solicitor to make an immediate application to the courts so that you can resume contact with your children. Due to the allegations made against you I doubt that you'll find a mediation service willing to take the case, so the court will probably let that go.
Keep all written or electronic communication that you and your wife have had with each other on the lead up to this incident. You may need to refer to them in court at some point in the future.
Like I said, keep calm (easier said than done). You're amongst friends here. I can't begin to tell you how helpful the guys on this site have been to me over the last eight months...
Endure for the time being. You will see your kids again.
Take care!
I can't add too much to this, I think Filmmaker has covered pretty much everything. The only comment I would make is that, because of the allegations, you may have to accept supervised contact at first, I know it's not ideal, but it will help to build a picture that there is no problem with you having contact. Also, don't make too much of your wifes infidelity etc when you get to court, you want to be concentrating on your contact with your children, and not on your wifes bevahiour - if you back her into a corner on this, she may well hint at behaviour that you can't disprove as it would be her word against yours.
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