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Thanks for reading and hoping I can get some advice and support.
My ex and I seperated in 2016, I have had very regular contact since then at first I had the kids every weekend and then at the start of this year changed it to every other weekend but introduced midweek overnight stays. We have two kids they are now 5 and 9, when we separated they were 3 and 7.
Over the course of the two years I have had regular disagreements with my ex whenever it came to increasing contact. Both me and my ex now have new partners and our partners both play a big part in our children's lives.
I started court proceedings in June 2018, first hearing was July 2018. In this time our youngest told his teacher I had been smacking him and ex is stating I abused her throughout the relationship.
My first hearing got adjourned because ex made an allegation again stating our youngest had told her I'd taken an indecent photo of him however it was just a very innocent photo which my ex has twisted. The hearing got adjourned as CAFCASS made a referral to social services which they came back to CAFCASS and said because kids are with ex they aren't concerned. Ex has stopped me from see our kids since our youngest told school I had smacked him therefore I have not seen them for nearly two month now. Went back to court the other day for our first hearing and CAFCASS have recommended indirect contact only, obviously I am gutted as I have played a huge part of their lives for the last two years.
Within this time the court had requested that we both write a position statement, my ex had to raise concerns and I had to respond. My ex of course accused me of domestic abuse but gave no detail or substance to her allegations along with no evidence. My ex also had a number of other concerns however they were all in my opinion were very petty. Plus with all this concerns she had and even through domestic abuse allegations she has still allowed the kids regular contact since 2016, it was only when our youngest made his allegation at school did she stop contact. I had chance to respond to all these concerns and accusations and wrote my own statement and provided a stack load of evidence. The only way my ex and I used to talk to each other was via email and texts so I provided these along with the kids school reports to show they are fine, character references and photos. When I got to court the court hadn't even read our statements.
My barrister was fearful that should we go in to court that they would want a fact finding hearing because they at that time had only read my contact request and her C1A form. I do not want a fact finding because it just delays the process in further and will hold up the section 7 that has been ordered. My barrister has said my ex is sitting on the fence in respect of the fact find because my ex will not say yes or no to wanting one, my ex has said if the courts want a fact finding hearing she will facilitate but if they don't then she is fine with this too. Within my evidence I provided stacks of messages showing my ex was more than capable of talking to me fine and we even met up regularry for meals with the kids. Messages from her inviting me round her house to meet her new partner etc etc. My messages show her admitting and she even admitted in her statement coming to my home alone - my barrister and solicitor questioned why would a woman do this if she is living in fear of me. Obviously I never laid a finger on my ex and it is really sad that she would accuse me of these things. So because I was not happy to go in to court yesterday without them reading my position statement which they admitted they hadn't my first hearing is delayed again for a further two weeks. This I do not mind as long as it avoids the fact finding because they have read my evidence and can see I am innocent.
My fear is that they will still want a fact finding hearing however I am hoping to get some advice from other Dad's who have been in a similar situation. I would like to know of any Dad's who have had a fact finding and be cleared or found guilty and why the courts came to that decision?
In the meantime I have been allowed to send our kids a letter, I am sending this today and I am going to send it recorded delivery. I have tried to keep it short but let them know that because of court things are complicated at the moment and will be different for a while whilst the courts working out is safe for them to come - do you think I should mention this? I don't want them to think that I don't want to see them because in all honestly I have no idea what their Mum has told them. I assume she is trying to alliant me greatly as she has always made it quite clear to me that if it was up to her I she would have our kids full time.
Please any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Hi there
It’s impossible to predict outcomes, as much depends on the calibre of judge on the day. As you have full legal representation, they should be able to support you through this.
As far as FOFs are concerned, the decision to have one is down to the courts, not the parties involved.
You’ve probably already sent your letter to your kids, I personally wouldn’t have mentioned the court situation, they’re still quite young so I would have kept it light, let them know you love them and miss them and say that mummy and daddy are working very hard to sort it out and you will see them soon.
All the best
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