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Hello all,
I am new here and plan to use the valuable resources and help I have seen here already, however, my first post is going to be a bit of a downer.
During 2009 I was dating a girl. I didn't know this girl particularly well, however we got on quite well and it was fun...initially.
As time went on I saw things in her I didn't like, and we would have explosive arguments. Never violence, but plenty of shouted and ill feeling towards each other and this resulted in us splitting up. Unfortunately/fortunately, a month after we split she mentioned she was pregnant and that the child was mine.
To begin with everything was fine, I attended two scans with her, and whilst doubting the paternity, I accepted it due to the situation and thought it was my duty to carry out things asked. Recently however that has deteriorated to an almost intolerable state, and the back story is complicated but I will try and outline as far as possible...
She has two other children, one of which is fathered by a violent and criminal father, recently released from prison after being locked up for armed robbery. He has been trying for custody, and as a result the child has been placed under a Care Order. The mother claims to have been treated unfairly by Social Services and is very dismissive of their involvement with claims of them just trying to be, in her words, 'twats' and take her children from her. She is not entirely faultless, as she has admitted to me certain things like having cocaine in her system when she was drugs tested etc.
Her child was temporarily placed in the care of her mother, with her having minimal access to them. Both children are now back with her in the house where my child when born will be residing.
Not sure if that is enough information, but I could do with some advice on things. Is it unacceptable for me to request the social services reports and mental health assessment from the previous case? I personally believe that I should be allowed this information as I will be entrusting her to have custody of the child. I have seen how she is with her children, and she, in my eyes, seems to do a good job, but I just feel like I should have this information. She did state in July that I could have this, however has still not given me this and appears to be stalling, which makes me think she is hiding something.
And the other main BIG issue in my eyes is that she is not willing to tell me her address. Her reason is that Social Services have told her to not tell me the address until I have had a CRB check. Is this standard practice? I have no convictions, no prior involvement with the police, certainly no history of child abuse of demestic violence. Is it normal that SS would request a child's father to have a CRB check before being told where his child will be living, just because a child in the property is under a care order?
As stated before, I am still having doubts about the paternity of the child. So far I have paid for scans to be done privately, bought clothes, and given her a few hundred towards other goods. I don't want to turn around to her and say 'prove the child's mine or you are getting no money from me', as if the child is mine I will feel dissappointed in myself. But I also don't want to be taken for a fool, and her reaction when we talk about money is very extreme, particularly when I told her that I would not be willing to pay £600 for a buggy, or that I would not be paying towards her household bills, which she states the maintenance will be for. Very soon my salary will be £16k a year, as I am entering the armed forces, and she is asking for £300 a month. Is this too much?
Hi
First of all welcome to Dadtalk. I hope you find it both helpful and informative.
I'm really sorry to hear about this situation, made worse by the fact that you can't know for sure whether or not you are the father of this baby. You only have your ex's word that this is the case and I would think very carefully about getting DNA testing to prove paternity once the child is born.
I am not an expert on CRB checking but it does seem unusual (?) that social services would want this from you. I am going to ask our legal experts for their advice and hopefully they will come back to us in a few days time. In the meantime you might find it helpful to talk to Families Need Fathers who you can call on 0300 0300 363 or ww.fnf.org.uk They will understand the issues here.
Hi exzes,
I don't post often, but was looking at this and thought I could shed some light on a couple of things for you.
Firstly, if you doubt that the child is yours, you must get a DNA test. It's extremely important that this child knows who their father is, or isn't. You can call a company called Cellmark and they will send you a kit. The test is around £300. Alternatively, if and/or when you file in Court for a contact order or parental responsibility order (filing fee around £180 if you're not eligible for legal aid), then you can get it through them. However, if you are not legally aided, then you would have to pay. If she is, then it may be able to go on her certificate.
Secondly, about social services. You are not entitled to see any information about any child other than your own, and even then that information is limited. Social service files are protected, in general, under the data protection act. As you are not the father of the other children, any request for access to files would be denied. Also, you would be working outside of Court rules to see any of the assessments, despite your ex-girlfriend saying she would show them to you, because she isn't allowed to. They are protected documents, and she could get into trouble if social services wanted to push the issue.
I am not entirely surprised about the CRB check, but I think you're ex may have misunderstood. It sounds as though social services are aware that she is pregnant, and they may be saying to her that, due to the protection concerns they have or have had about her previous children, any partner or ex, would need to be police checked before they have contact with any child that they are involved with. That is particularly true if the children are on any type of care order or are on the child protection register.
What you can do is call the social worker that is allocated the case, introduce yourself and find out from her what it is that you need to do. Don't expect them to give you too much information on the family, though, because that is also protected.
You have said that as far as you can see she provides good enough care to the children. If you have concerns, then you need to let social services know, but it sounds like they are already involved. It sounds like you main issue at the minute is whether or not the child is yours, and for that, you will need a DNA test, and of course, your ex's agreement once baby is born to bring baby to the GP and have the swab taken.
I hope that was helpful, and good luck.
We apologise for the delay in responding to your query.
The Social Services should not provide you with any records regarding your ex partner’s other children, regardless of your reasons for wanting this, as you are not a parent with Parental Responsibility for those children and giving you this information would constitute a serious breach of confidentiality and misconduct from the social services.
Your ex partner is able to request copies of these records and allow you to read them if she wishes, but it can take several months for the request to be complied with by social services, and in some cases they are able to refuse to provide the records to a parent. It would be the mother’s choice as to whether or not to request these and even if she does have the records she does not have to give you any information about this matter.
As a general rule, the mother does not have to give you her address, even once the child is born, and you have no legal right to know this regardless of whether or not you have parental responsibility of the child.
From a moral perspective it is sensible for parents to know where their children are living, but you do not have the legal right to this information, and if the mother refuses to tell you then it is a matter of trying to negotiate with her for this, or making an application to court (which should be a last resort).
The social services will not usually require a CRB check of someone just because they are around a child and usually this will not be the case unless allegations of some sort are made against you. It is quite unlikely that the social services have told the mother not to provide you with the address unless there have been serious issues in the past.
When it comes to maintenance, this is something that can be agreed between yourself and the mother or the Child Support Agency can be involved. If maintenance is agreed, it is not legally binding and you are able to decide what amount to pay the mother based on what you feel to be reasonable, however the mother may choose to contact the CSA who will then decide what amount should be paid.
Many people use the calculation that the CSA use to decide what amount would be fair to pay in maintenance (even though the CSA are not involved) and you can find a maintenance calculator for this on their website, or by following this link; https://secureonline.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/ ... enance.asp .
It would also be for you and the mother to decide when it is appropriate for you to pay (whether this is before the birth of the child or whether it should begin when the child is born) and it is advisable that you keep some form of record of payments (for example straight into a bank account or have the mother sign receipts for this).
You are able to request DNA testing if you feel that it is appropriate for you to do this, but the mother can refuse to agree to this. The CSA and courts can both order DNA testing if you apply for it, but again the mother can refuse, but it will go against her if she does this and she may not gain the result that she desires if she refuses testing.
We hope that this information is useful to you, should you require any further advice or have any questions please contact our Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre
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