[Solved] Ex wife wants to change sons surname

Do I look unreasonable by rejecting her request for a double barrelled surname? She is not seeking to remove mine (for now), just simply adding hers on the end.

My main issue is that if she gets whats she wants it would result in our son having a 24 letter surname. He is 6 years old now and is acustomed to his regular surname. I would rather wait until he is older and let him decide instead of imposing a massive surname on him.

Also, another issue is my exes attitude to me being a parent. She referrs to me as "someone" who our son sees, even in front of him. According to her im just someone who the court have forced her to allow to see her son. She doesnt respect my role as a dad. She will of course deny this in court but its the daily reality. I feel she will use the name change to try and alienate me in the future.

My ex thinks the above reasons are weak. Do you agree? Please be brutally honest. I need to make the right choice so i may need to read things i wont like.

If she applies - the onus is on her to prove why it’s in your sons best interests. It’s not on you to prove why it isn’t. A 24 letter surname sounds cumbersome.

My personal feeling is that double barrelling is often a good idea and agreeing with her could be seen as a gesture of goodwill. However, I also think it’s reasonable for you to oppose it on the reasons you’ve given above and that you’re concerned that this may be a move to eventually stop using your part of a double barrelled surname. It really will come down to the judge on the day. There isn’t much case law on name changes and generally judges like to keep the status quo. On that basis, it’s probably more likely that his name won’t be changed.

Your exes opinion is no more than that - an opinion.

Your options are to agree to it and definitely end up with a DB surname or disagree and she might take it to court and might get a DB name, or she might not.

My son is close to his mum. His loves me but is closer to her. Mostly due to the 3 years he was denied meaninful contact with me. He only saw me once a week in a contact centre.

We are developing our bond.

The mum says he will get upset when he realises her surname is different to his. Currently she has the same surname as me but once the divorce goes through she will revert to her maiden name.

Part of me feels selfish for refusing her request but i just dont trust her. She spent 3 years trying her best to keep me in a contact centre. When the DV was addressed she created fake allegations to drag out the process. When the final hearing went in my favour she was upset. She doesnt respect my role as our sons dad and refers to me as "some person" who sees her son.

I agree with what stepmum has said, and want to add that if she got married again, she might change her name yet again and would still have a different name to your son. It's her decision to change back to her married name. If she's that bothered, why change hers in the first place?

If and it's a big IF, she won to get the name double barrelled, I'm sure you could have something in the order that she couldn't drop your part of his surname.....

Reading this, to me, it sounds as if there’s some underlying unresolved issue that’s propping up in different ways, this time in the form of a name change.

You and her her need to be careful. Your child is growing up and will be affected more and more by these meaningless disputes.

Yes. I think she believes im using son to get back into her life. Im not. Dont know what to say to convince her ive moved on.

If you did something wrong, start by acknowledging and apologising for what happened in the past.

If the DV charges were malicious and you just went along with it to see your child, just ignore her.

This will likely go on for a long time, and whatever happened before, you need to see it from your child’s point of view.

If it goes to court will the judge settle it at the first hearing or will it drag on? My child arrangement lasted 3 years, dont think i can go through that again.

However, i genuinely believe we shouldnt impose such a long surname on our son. It should be left to him to decide when he is older.

Whats the process, anyone been through it?

Usually there is a directions hearing and then a final hearing. There shouldn’t need to be multiple hearings for a single issue.

So the first hearing will be a directions hearing?

The first hearing is always called a FHDRA (First Hearing and Dispute Resolution Appointment). If you have a strong judge, they will try to force an agreement and you could have it tied up in one session.

If there is no agreement, the court should order statements from both of you and list a final hearing.

The only deviation from that would be if the mother tried to be awkward, for example if she asked to vary the current CAO and raise new allegations which would mean the court might need to list further DRA hearings before a final hearing could take place.

The only deviation from that would be if the mother tried to be awkward, for example if she asked to vary the current CAO and raise new allegations which would mean the court might need to list further DRA hearings before a final hearing could take place.

That is my main fear..she will use it as an opportunity to vary the CAO.

She is still very bitter that i got every other weekend, weekly contact and half of all holidays.

I guess she would need to create new allegations. The old ones were addressed in the previous CAO and i would be surprised if they entertained it again. We already had a fact finding and i went on the DVP.

I have started recording all our interactions in secret.