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Hi
First posting on this site, so please bear with me - all responses welcomed and appreciated
My ex (been divorced since June 2009)has texted me and informed me that she is intending to go and live in South Africa with her new fiancee and is going to take our 2 children (aged 6.5 and 9) with her at the end of the year.
Consent order is in place and everything has been amicable up till now. I pay CM, Spousal maintenance and my son's schooling (private by choice, but not specified in the consent order) as well as both kid's school uniforms.
I have the children every fortnight and during holidays by arrangement.
I have no problem paying the CM through the CSA (they are after all my children too), but I am loathe now to have to pay SM (£250/m until either she re-marries or the youngest turns 17) if she now ups and goes to SA. Further, I believe that she'll put the kids into boarding school when in SA as she&fiancee will be living in quite a remote area (3hrs from Cape Town)
I strongly disagree with boarding school and will not agree to it - she's taking the kids away from their father, and then dumping them in boarding school so that she can be 'happy'!!
I believe she thinks that she'll be able to live in SA and I'll still be coughing up circa £1500/m for the privilege 😆
My queries are quite simple (I don't want to go down the court route, but shall if need be)
1. are spousal maintenance and the schooling bit enforcable if she moves permanently abroad? - I will still pay CM no matter what.
2. What would be reasonable in terms of HER having to ensure that the children have contact with me - pay for flights for the kids back to the UK say twice a year?
3. pay for my accomodation when I have to visit them in SA?
sorry for rambling on - my son (9) has said he doesn't want to go, and that he dislikes her new partner.....................
all thoughts and advice welcome
thanks
shenzi3
Hi
Ideally, you need to go back to the solicitor who handled your divorce for further advice, as there are questions on here that I don't think the Childrens Legal Centre can deal with (but speak to them first anyway).
I think that the SM could be enforced - she would be able to enforce it in the UK courts even if she wasn't living here. However, I would say that you could justify going back to court to have the order looked at again on the basis of the change of circumstances.
If there is a residence order in place, then it states that she cannot take the children out of the country for more than 30 days without the consent of the court - I would say that you would need to be looking at enforcing this, as once she has removed them, trying to get any enforcement in SA will be virtually impossible. Are you in a position to have them reside with you?
As for requesting that she pays for contact - if she does have to pay, the net effect is to reduce the child maintenance you are paying to her, and the CSA do allow for this in that you can apply for a variation to reduce maintenance to cover reasonable travelling expenses - I'm not sure how they handle contact abroad, so it would be worth giving them a call.
hi actd
thanks for your reply.....
a residence order is in place, I have them every fortnight for the weekend and during holidays by negotiation.....................so far everything has been ok and amicable.
my monetary questions were not the main gist of what I was really after, but rather my children's well-being.
Despite having grown up in SA (left there in 96) I really believe that ex's move is motivated by her wanting to be with new fiancee, and not by what's best for the children.
The crime rate is one of the highest in the world, medical care (unless you pay a fortune in insurance) is pretty much non-existent, the schooling is dire........just to name a few worries.
all their family, friends etc are her including grand parents, cousins, uncles, aunts.......
I've done a lot of research, and pretty much as a father I'm damned despite the fact that I have PR and that my son has said he doesn't want to go. Unfortunately, every forum or everything I read only tells me what I can do to prevent the removal (form C100 etc), and not one has addressed the fact that as a father I love my children, have always done what's right in the difficult circumstances I find myself in, and the fact that my kids love me, and are already suffering from the trauma of separation.........................
feel like I'm teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown, the origin's of which are not of my doing......................
Hi Shenzi3,
Sorry I'm not able to offer and advice on this but just wanted to say it all sounds pretty rough,
I've been on a near breakdown and feel for you, there are many cliche's like keep your chin up ect but none will go close to helping.
All you can do is take solice in the fact your a good dad and have done right by your children.
Hope it all works out for you.
Darren
Hi
You really do need to fill out the C100 and get to court ASAP, you need to read up on stated cases...there was a case where the court decided that the mother moving away would damge the relationship between the father and child. The father could show that he could have the child to live with him and the child did not want to go. The mother argued that she would be depressed if not allowed to go.
The court stated there was nothing to stop her going, but the child would remain in the UK.
You also need to impress upon the court that the child is of an age where he should be listened to and that CAFCASS should be involved by appointing a 9.5 guardian to represent the child independently....
How do i know.......been to court many time, did it all myself (saved thousands) and won everytime against expreienced family law solicitors....
Keep a complete audit trail of everything and be squeaky clean in everything that you do....
If you leave it, they will go...
Richard
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