[Solved] Ex wife string of boyfriends child home alone help

2 words >>>Social services<<<<

Spoke to social services yesterday, but even though she's doing this to the children I need to ensure that we are speaking as I am the only person she talks to. Because I wanted to remain anonymous, even through I said who I was, they dudnt seemto bothered.
They were passing it on to a manager to see what he said . I only hope the boy gets upset at school like he dud when he told his dad that his mum was easy , then the school will have to inform social services themselves .
You only hear about this type of thing on panorama
It's ridiculous !!!! I am so worried about my daughter and step children it's awful

This is just awful for you and the children. Unfortunately the Social Services are very slow to act and can often come across as "not bothered" . I think you should keep calling them, but keep a record of all calls with dates and times. Make a proper nuisance of yourself but always be calm and polite. Tell them who you are, but ask that they dont reveal this to the ex because of your fears about contact being withheld and the fact that you are the only one that she talks to and you would be afraid of what might happen if she became isolated.

You could contact the family Health Visitor, she is responsible for the well being of children up to the age of 5. Try talking to her about your concerns, again keep a record of any calls you make.

Try speaking to the NSPCC helpline they may be able to offer further advice.

It is a very serious matter leaving young children alone in the house, is there a landline in the house that the oldest child could use if they are left alone again? Perhaps it might help if you and the ex ex join forces. As your mum found the children alone, ask her to call Social Services too.... and keep a record. To be honest, I think this would be a police matter, maybe you should remind your ex of this and tell her that although you wouldnt report her there are others that might, it might be a wake up call for her.

As for the succession of men, theres not a whole lot that you can do about that apart from remind her of the effect it is having on her children, especially the oldest boy.

If the situation continues then you could try mediation to get your point across, make her aware that you will take it to court if things dont improve but also, if you can, offer to help with more contact or overnight stays...maybe ask your mum to help with this regard.

Good luck with it all.

I understand that you dont want to fall out with her but if this situation gets worse then you will have to try and take control of the situation by whatever means, wether this upsets her or not.

Thank you for all your advice my friend.
When I found out on Thursday I contacted the father of the boy in order to find out what his take us on this .
As you can imagine he's not best pleased and tore strips off her, and threatened her with social services. He Also mentioned to her the amount of " friends" she has visiting and explained it wasn't good for the children , and now we find a dufferent bloke has Been staying on and off fur the last week lol.... It's like a [censored] sitcom.
I contacted the NSPCC and asked for there help , social services was the answer. If I know the children are alone then I could inform the police, but when I am 25 miles away, impossible apart from doing a vigil .
The child minders have seen a change in my 3 year old in the last six months and I just hope all this unacceptable behaviour is not having a psychological or sociological impact on her .
Both myself and the ex are singing off the same hymn sheet but I am the one pushing this forward with such tenacity .
Anymore advice and input would be great please .... I wouldn't mind you wouldn't actually class us anyone of us coming from rough backgrounds , far from it to be honest. U don't know what the [censored] she's thinking !!!!

Hi Mate,

I'm sorry to read about your situation. I am in a similar situation with my ex. I'm glad i have the support off my family and wife otherwise i would have gone round the bend with it all. I have gone through social services and reported my ex to the police over her going away for a weekend and leaving 2 of her other children home alone. I've found, like yourself, that unless i keep a vigil its very hard to prove anything. I've also found that social services have sent a letter to my ex telling her that they will come round on such and such a day, which i believe defeats the object.

I wish you well

I am going to try and get her to let me have my daughter Friday night through to Monday morning in a bid to eleviate the chance of her influencing my daughter more than need be, with things children shouldn't see ie. no solid family life , and numerous "uncles".
I am also seriously contemplating going for custody/main carer. Although I am not sure what chance I have if this !!!
I have so much on this woman , changing the address on our joint bank account without my signature( she works for them) , leaving children alone in the past , breakdown if relationship between her and her family as she was thrown out at 17. She us simply an unfit person. In now know why she wanted me to collect my daughter 7 hours earlier than the agreed time, she wanted to spend the day with her new fella, the last one jumped shop because if the kids, 2 days before se got a new one lol. So when I said it wasn't possible to collect my daughter I was told that i couldn't then have her fir the weekend !!!!
I am really at a Loss as what to do and somebody who conducts themselves in such a way , is impossible to deal with.
I have so many thoughts as to the lengths to go to to screw her life up , but all I want is my child to mortally and correctly cared for.
Sorry to go on , but I really don't have anyone whose not emotionally involved to discuss this with

well this is how it works U get a job in the social service... its not hard to understand the rest ;;)

Thanks

Hi Frosty,

I agree, in the short term try and have as much contact as possible. Its always worth talking to the mum to try and reach agreement on this, but if you cant then try mediation.

Going for Residency is a tough one. My son did this and was granted custody. Although it was made easier by the fact that he already had his son because the mum had telephoned us and said she couldnt cope with him because he was out of control, so we went and picked him up. The next day my son went back there and she gave him a bag of clothes and said keep him, but the next day she demanded him back, when we said no (he didnt want to go back bless him!) she sent the police round but my son had parental responsibility and therefore had as much right to keep him as his mother did! The following day she went to court and tried to get a Residency order but the judge smelt a rat and asked to see my son before granting it to her. He went to court within days and was granted interim residency, the mother was known to the Social Services and our boy had been on their at risk register (Which we knew nothing about!) The mother was also known to the police who gave a report about the state of the mums house. So there were good reasons for the judge not to send him back to his mum. Drug tests were ordered for my son and the mum, my son passed and she failed and tested positive for Cocaine. At the final hearing with all the stuff against her, the judge decided in our favour, but it was touch and go even with all the damning evidence! There is an older child who isnt my sons but they left her there! Poor mite.... She gets, contact with him from friday after school until monday morning, every other weekend and 2 hours for tea every wednesday. Too much in my opinion and he never wants to go!

So if you were really pushed, keep her after a contact visit, instead of giving her back, and apply for an emergency Residence Order from the court, giving the reasons you have spoken about here. If you're thinking about it, get some advice from a solicitor first, if you dont have one, some of them do give an initial half an hour appointment for free. I do believe it was made easier for us because the mum sent him away first, we didnt take him and not give him back. I would like to point out I'm not advocating child snatching here, but in extreme cases sometimes extreme action is required!

Junior border ,
Thanks for you to respond to my situation .
Ex gave her other two children back to her ex ex husband the other week , stating she can control theme tac. They are actually decent kids who just do what every child does. He collected the kids and then saw her dropping my 3 yo daughter at her day care. When he explained that the maintenance would stop , he would now pay him and all the other financial implications, she went round that night Bd collected the two children . Without the monies she gets from working tax , maintenance, and other help, she cannot afford to live a normal life ..... The children are a form if income for her, thank god she is now no longer capable of having children .
The more I think if what COULD be going on , knowing what FACTS we already have , I physically feel sick at the thought of what these poor children are hearing, seeing, being subjected to ......

As you are all aware, I contacted social services on Friday, and was awaiting a phonecall back.
I have now contacted social services this morning, and still waiting fir a phonecall back
I contacted the health visitor to find out the last time my daughter was seen, yip waiting a call back
Nspcc, childlike, family helpline , child's legal rights all said ..... Get ready for if

CONTACT SOCIAL SERVICES !!!!!

Do these peolpe not realise that these children's lives are important both emotionally and psychologically !!

...This doesn't surprise me Frosty.

Maybe you could find out where their offices are and drop in in person. they'll have to deal with you then!

If you cant get any response from any one, perhaps you could contact your MP to complain about this lack of interest and ask him/her if theres anything they can do to help you. They are reallly good at getting things moving and very quick to respond, they have access all areas!!...

Still no reply from social services, or the Health visitor . Phoned social services and they told me to seek legal advice. They told me to contact social services !!!!! Health visitor still has the old contact address , so no recent visit.
What is it going to take to make these peolpe listen !!!!

I have been instructed to actually phone the police when I know the children are left unattended , that's clever considering I live 25 miles away, how the [censored] do I know they are home alone. What do I do sit outside the house , then I become the villain for stalking !!!

I am still waiting for ss and the health visitor to call me from Monday .....

It's no wonder children get hurt and neglected when nobody does anything about it !!!
If someone for social services or anyone in authority is reading this ...... Do you not recall your screw up with baby p??? I am trying to make you aware of verbal confirmation of wrong doing from the mum, and witness of wrong doing from my mother who found the two children alone , and an upset 12 year old who told his father he was left alone until the early hours if the morning ........ What in gods name is wrong with you peolpe? What do you need ...... Abduction, sexual abuse? Or is neglect just not tasty enough for you to bother Persuing ?? Yeah your right I am one extremely angry and dissapointed father !!!!!!!!!

...Maybe you could talk to the eldest boys Dad about speaking to his son, so that the next time they are left alone he could go to the neighbours and ask them to telephone his Dad, who could phone you, and then you could both get the police involved and remove your children to a place of safety. The authorities would have to address the situation then, surely!

I know how angry you must be as we went through something similar before my son got residency of his 5yr old son. I too felt it was a baby P situation waiting to happen because thats what it felt like!

My grandson was in a filthy house that had become party central, he was being neglected and physically abused...he told us mummy kicked him in the head...and one of her so called friends was hitting him. The mum was tested positive for cocaine and the mothers home was known to the police who had put reports into Social Services previously about the state of the house and the activities going on there...Even though, during this time my son was phoning Social Services with his concerns, they didnt bother to tell him that his son was on an at risk register!!! When it got to court and my son stated he had constantly telephoned Social Service because of his deep concern for the welfare of his son, the calls werent logged and the SS said they had no record of him calling!!!

In court the SS admitted that my grandson was better off with his Dad (my son) and that they were recommending he] be given residency, which was what happened. My biggest concern was the fact that there is also an older child, my grandsons half sister, who was left there, is still there and there has been no supervision by SS to make sure she isnt mistreated....all because she hasnt got a Dad thats prepared to fight for her!!

Its a truly shocking state of affairs and I wish you the best of luck in your fight for the rights of your child.

I'd go further than NannyJane's advice - don't get your son to go to a neighbour, get him to phone the police directly (if they can't get to a phone, then buy a cheap mobile) - at 12 he's easily old enough to be taken seriously. Ideally, the police will remove them to a place of safety (the police station) and contact you to come and collect them - that way you have the police removing the children, police evidence (statement, but if they can take photos, even better), and your children being fearful of being returned to their mother because of the conditions they are living in and the possible consequences. At that point, you can apply for an interim residence order and then go for full residency.

That's pretty much what I did to get my daughters - the bonus in my case was that social services (who had no knowledge of the case) wrote saying that they weren't going to take any action, but if the children were returned to my ex (if I failed in court), they would consider child protection procedures (ie removal) so it made the court's decision even easier.

...Yes actd, I agree with you....the only reason I suggested the boy call the Dad first was to avoid them being taken into care, my thinking was that they could go straight into the care of the respective Dads... but if its just a matter of picking them up from the police station then thats fine... The mobile phone is a great idea, and you could put both yours and his Dads numbers into the phones contacts.

Great news ..... Finally got a call back tiday from social services ..... Still waiting for the health visitor.
Oh yeah back to the social services ....

"Hi it's Caroline, the duty manager has looked at the case and has decided not to proceed with any investigations .
But if you need to get in touch again please feel free to do so "

And for those of you who need in translating .....

" hi we can't be arsed doing anything , due to the fact the kids aren't injured, abducted, or sexually abused. If you want to waste your time in the future and justify my salary then go for it, but we won't do anything anyway!!!"

THIS IS A JOKE AND TOTALLY PATHETIC!!!!

Hi Frosty

I'd still stick with my advice above - it's still neglect so if the police can be involved, then you have more pressure to apply on the social services.