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I hope this is the right place to post this...
11 years ago I split from my first wife. We agreed a non formal maintenance setup for the two kids. I wanted her to have a roof and no worries so I gave her my half of the house and profit (£40k). I also agreed to pay her an inflated maintenance of £500 for 4 years until the youngest went to school after which that would drop to £250 for the remaining lifetime of the maint payments, the idea being I would suffer short term to make sure she was and the kids were ok and benefit later from reduced payments. She also let me take two endowments as they were ' worthless' in her words which I have paid for monthly since. I have not missed a payment and have stuck to my side of the deal up until this month. The first endowment is up and I need her to sign it over to me to get the money released. Over the years she has tried changing the childcare arrangements, i.e. she wants me to have them more in school hols etc which I have done my best to accommodate with my shifts etc. In January she asked me if I would use some work holidays to have my kids for a week so she and her new husband can 'spend some time together'. Obviously this got me a little angry as it's not my job to make sure they have quality time together and I refused. Now she won't sign the endowment papers because I refused and she is threatening to call in the CSA which will push my payments much higher. Why she has to be so vindictive after 11 years is beyond me. Who is in the wrong here? Me for not using my work holidays for her benefit or her for not signing the papers? What can I do?
I'm sorry you have found yourself in this situation after all this time!
I wish I could say you have some rights here but if she chooses to go to the CSA your informal arrangement will mean nothing. They will calculate how much you should be paying by your income solely and will want to take into account any assets over £65,000 that you have. They will not take into account her or her new husbands earnings. If you have other children living with you, they will be taken into account and you can expect a reduction of 1/7th a week for every night your children stay overnight with you. You can also claim some travelling expenses if the cost of contact with them exceeds £15pw.
There is a sticky at the top of the Child Maintenance section called " how does the CSA calculate payments" this explains how they work out what you must pay. The CAB will also advise you on your position. Child Maintenance Options have a website and a helpline number if you need to talk about it .
Thanks Nanny, I've already read all the info there is about it. Would a solicitor not argue that the lump sum (which she wasn't fully entitled to) and extra maintenance payments early on should taken into account by the CSA?
If an informal agreement really means nothing if she has an off day why do all the child maint websites recommend it as the preferable arrangement. It seems it's only the preferable arrangement for the woman because she can change her mind if she needs more money in the future and the man, even if he has given her everything he had at the time (as in my case) has to give her more.
All seems a little unfair to me. The websites should be stating get a legally binding arrangement?
As for the endowments I am considering a court order to force her to sign but I suspect she will contest that as well being the type she is...
I'm really sorry, perhaps it would be advisable to get some legal advice as far as the endowments are concerned....have you thought about trying Mediation? It could help in as far as its face to face discussion but with the guidance of a trained mediator.
It seems to me that before the refusal to have the kids things were ok, so mediation might just be the way to get it back on track before further damage is done and your differences are irreconcilable. Here's a link -
www.nfm.org.uk
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