[Solved] Ex wants to check where I live

Hi Dale

All depends on how relationship is with you and your ex. If I was in that position I would send her pictures how how everything is laid out at home. Court have not mentioned anything about ex having to come to home. It all depends on how you feel about your ex coming to your home lol. I wouldn't allow that I would send pictures instead.

If she had any concerns about house then she would have mentioned it in court and then that's another kettle of tea then.

This is entirely my opinion so I hope it helps you just to think. If cafcass have an issue with it then they would have checked out your home too.

Keep well!

Thank you mate, there has been no mention of it at all and she has been doing little bits like giving me a written routine and now asking to see the house only since i started the court proceedings. She said she rang the health visitor and child services who told her it might help her to see my home. Just wanted to get some opinions, I get suspicious of everything she does knowing she will use anything she can to delay increasing contact.

Hi Dale.

Very good. I would also be suspecious. Since she has health visitor and child services involved then she has no need to attend as they would carry out the checks for her. If she had said that without contacting those services then it would be different. I would be very cautious too.

what's your arrangement like at the moment dale?

It depends, if she's called her health visitor just to say she's feeling anxious about you having your child at your home; they have probably (in all innocence) recommended that she put her mind at ease by having a quick look around. When my daughter was younger, I looked around her nursery to make sure I was happy with it; she never stayed at my grandparents because they smoked in the house, stuff like that.

Unless there is something glaring, there's very little the court would consider unsuitable, I'd have thought, so she'd have nothing to gain, expect making you look a bit unreasonable for not agreeing. But, if you've nothing to hide, and don't mind her knowing your address, I'd be inclined to offer her the ten penny tour; even let her take pictures, encourage her to voice any concerns she has then and there -so you can gauge whether it is malice or anxiety.

That way, you've turned it around on her and made it clear that you are willing to be open and reasonable.

Hi mate, we've just been to court last week and agreed to put 9 to 4 every Saturday back as contact, the cafcass bloke told the judge that I would like the arrangement put in an order, which he agreed to, which I presume will be a court order? The cafcass bloke also told him he has no concerns and will have no further involvement. Today the ex has text saying she's spoken to the health visitor and child services and she'd like to come and see if the house is safe and a suitable environment, saying that if I refuse she'll be bringing it up with the mediator, which is what the court want us to try again, she also says agreeing to her visiting would help n the long run towards overnight stays. I presume they have said they won't come and check but have told her it might help ease her worries if she has a look. I'm just suspicious.

They get well possessive over their babies and they don't trust anyone with them even babies dad, my ex was the same a complete [censored] from start to finish but she did want to see my place just to know where our daughter was going and where she would be staying ect She asked the judge in the final hearing if she could come round and see my place the judge then asked me if that was ok and I agreed it seemed to put her mind at rest and from that day onwards she started to be ok with me again after been such a nut job for 2 years.

I'd just agree to it so she will pipe down 🙂

Slim 🙂

Be prepared for nit-picking. If your child/ren is/are young, have a stair gate, for example, child locks on cupboards etc. (Pro-tip, unless you have fairly old electrics, don't use plug socket covers, as modern outlets are made less safe by their use).

You could really throw her through a loop by getting a cheap first-aid kit. Some local authorities even offer free paediatric first aid courses for parents. :whistle:

Hi There,
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I would say let her look around, maybe even accept a list of things she would like changed, that way if mediation doesn't work and you end up back in court you have done everything you can to move things forward and it removes her issues.
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The last thing you want is to be in court or mediation even and for her to be able to throw "well his home can't be suitable or he wouldn't have had an issue in me seing it"
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Pick your battles I'm sure at some point there will be bigger more important issues that you don't want to back down on.
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GTTS

I have to say I agree with Slim and GTTS. If it makes things easier in the long run then it's a few minutes of discomfort for potentially smoothing things over which will go a long way towards helping your parenting relationship for the future.

Good advice, thanks all,

I've agreed, I have nothing to hide so hopefully it will help in the long term. Funny she was happy with me agreeing then still sent extra messages with accusations that have already been dismissed lol, keep calm and carry on.

...I would advise that you have a third party present in case she tries to make further allegations against you.

For someone that pleads anxiety, her desire to go marching around your house contradicts that!