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Hi,
My ex-wife has now applied to court to vary a consent order from early 2012 which I fought for over 2 years for to maximise the benefits for my son. That order gave me 10 days out of 21 (although 8 nights) plus half of summer holidays.
She developed an online dating website relationship into a marriage with a guy 2 hours away. She has kept the relationship under wraps for quite sometime despite my son being unsettled and telling me about a guy having a sleepover every so often. When I approached her about this in March/April this year, she denied it but by August had got married.
My son had spontaneously told me about his worries, saying his mum had talked to him about marrying the guy (he named him) and moving away, and my son he didn't want to go. He has remained steadfast in this view despite my reassurances that I would always love and help him even if he wanted to go. He demonstrates a much closer affectionate bond with me e.g. Running to me but hardly to her when we handover to each other. I have done voluntary work and school runs Mon/Tues at his school despite my ex putting him 12 miles away. I have never resorted to the verbal poisoning and actions which his mother has (e.g. damaged items I have bought for him and shared with her, dragged him away when waving bye). Result he is much clser to me and said several times he wants to stay with me. I put him first always and give him happiness through fostering friendships since toddler age and extra curricular activities inc piano lessons, badminton coaching, karate and cubs (where I volunteer to stop it closing down). Museums, kids comedy club, huge family.
1. Mediation failed.
2. Ex put a C100 in talking about marrying a doc and putting my son into a Grammar School.
3. Cafcass interviewed me by telephone ahead of court and produced slanted report which was negative of me, missing many positives. Told her I had reassured my son I'd always love him. She said said my 8.5 year old son should not have to make the decision.
4. Judge at court hearing agreed with cafcass that child should not be involved and advised listing case for a final hearing. Ex had turned up with a solictor despite not being on record and no forewarning. I was representing myself.
My huge worry is that my son really wants to stay. He is hugging me even when I'm driving and is bed wetting and has stopped doing basic things properly e.g. Eating, toiletting. I don't agree that he will be saying he wants to stay to me and something else to my ex. She has claimed that he has friends in the new city but when asked indirectly he said he didn't have any friends there.
Added complication is that new step dad is fighting for more access to his young daughters using my son as a pawn as completing a family unit, while my ex does the same, claiming my son is desprate to leave for the new city and be with the you g 'sisters'. Very messy.
Very very worried about my son. I have numerous issues with my ex but could easily be accused of being a vindictive ex trying trying to stop her moving on. Couldn't be further from the truth. Hope she's happy but not at the expennse of my son.
I really want the wishes and feelings of my son to be listened to. I want to protect him and serve hs needs as I always have done so, and whether my ex likes to admit it or not he is much more attached to me due being the positive, lving parent who has always put our son first and not done the long list of negatve visible emotional abusive things she has done which are doming gack to haunt her as my son is 8.5 and very aware.
Could write a lot more (huge bath burn earlier this year etc) but hopefully you understand my concerns. Court is a lottery and I may be up against a barrister.
Thanks for your time,
Rajan.
hang in there bro .....near cabon coy situation buddy ...
If you are sure that you are facing a barrister/lawyer, I would suggest looking at getting advice from a McKenzie friend.
Though with this there is the usual caveats that you will need to do your due diligence and research on the person, making sure they are what they claim to be. The advantages of this are
1. They are much more affordable that a barrister or lawyer and with the right person, mine I would say has the same knowledge as a lawyer if not more having been involved family law for many years and taken on many cases. In this respect their experience over being called a lawyer!
2. They have experience on their side β making court feel less like a lottery.
3. They will help you formulate an approach, which will give you clarity and direction with an definite end goal, rather than just hoping for the best.
4. They do take some of the pressure off that is normally associated with court, forms, dealing with lawyers, responses etc.
5. If you have questions, it helps to speak to someone who will give you both the legal and personal perspective
6. You will still represent yourself as a LIP, and there is no one better to show any court how much you care about your son than you
7. They will support you, I know they are getting paid for this but it does help, especially when facing a lawyer in court.
Again all of the positives do rely on you selecting a McKenzie friend who is good and reputable. My son is 6 and I face the same issues you do and though I have never been to court, I am now after consulting the McKenzie friend and found their support and knowledge calming and has taken away some of the βnegativesβ in my own mind about going to court.
Best of luck.
Again this is just my suggestion not legal advice* π
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