[Solved] Ex threatens to relocate with son

Hi Danno

Unfortunately this is quite common, a lot of the time the move has already happened before the non resident parent finds out. At least you have had the opportunity to try and do something about it.

Has your son had anything to say about moving? Does he get on with her new partner and is there a reason for the move, for instance for employment or to be near family? Have CAFCASS been asked to compile a report?

At 10 years old your sons wishes should be sought and taken some notice of, but I understand that it's not something you would wish to question him about and the court wouldn't approve of involving him too much.

If there are valid reasons for the move then I would say your chances of success are pretty slim. If however you can prove that the move is purely to interfere with your contact with your son then the odds get better.

It's a fact today that people relocate and the courts are loathe to stop this for other than a very good reason.

As far as backing down and negotiating, that's an option... Have you tried talking to her since the hearing? Did you attend mediation before applying to court? This may be a good way to move this forward and if you can reach agreement about contact then you can put it before the court and ask for it to be made into a consent order, giving you some security.

I always suggest members ask for more contact than they would be happy with as this allows wriggle room....So you're being seen to compromise, without losing out. You can ask for things like regular Skype/phone calls, go for everyday and then that gives you room to compromise down to say three times a week.....ask for 50/50 share school holidays, alternate Christmas and birthdays.

If you continue on then relations between you and the mother may remain more strained than they have been and she may dig her heels in about the amount of contact....you know her best, and at the end of the day getting on is important for your sons sake.

Thanks for the fast response Nannyjane.

In answer to your questions;

The reason for the move is that her partner has a new job there. My son does get on with him yes. I've spoken to Joseph on how he's feeling about it quite lightly and he is concerned about leaving his friends and me, but otherwise seems ok with going based how his mum has sold it to him (country setting, able to play safely outside/knock on for friends etc).

CAFCASS are getting involved and are making a report before the next hearing. I still need to talk to him mum about how we are to approach telling him why this is happening...

No mediation was attended because a) I marked the order as urgent as adviced by a solicitor so mediation was bypassed, and b) We had already talked and her mind is made up, so mediation would mostly revolve around the kind of access i would get and my primary goal has been to stop this from happening period.

Your comments have echoed what i'm generally thinking, and i agree with your last statement entirely. I have a back up plan of what contact I would ask for so I think I may wait and see what comes back from the CAFCASS report and then try to resolve this at the next hearing before we go into the court room. And as you say, that way it can be made into a consent order.

To be honest, it's heartbreaking that it has to come down to things like skype/phone calls as that isn't the kind of relationship my son and I have and it's not the kind of dad I am.
We share a close bond and I wanted that to last as long as possible before that lessens naturally during his fast approaching teenage years.

I understand where you're coming from completely... I think you're being realistic, but it doesn't make any of it easier.

My dad worked abroad for months at a time, in the days before Skype or texts...we had the odd phone call but it was mainly letter writing when we were apart. We were so close, and our bond was strengthened by the distance between us if anything...and the time you have together will be special.

Best of luck with it.

...I meant to say that there are some positives...your son gets on with the new partner which is good and the fact that he's ok about the move is good too... If its going to happen its best to work together to make the change as smooth as possible for him.

As the move is to pursue employment then I feel the court will take that on board.

I would suggest that your priority should now be getting longer contact during holidays, and maybe a full weekend every 3 or 4 weeks if you can't manage more often.

nanny jane looks pretty spot on to me. Id be very surprised if you got anywhere with the pso under those circumstances. id take the opportunity to let your little boy know that he is important and that u want to get an order so that ur not marginalised. he will really appreciate that. good luck bro

Just wanted to say thank you to those who have left comments and advice on this thread, you're support is appreciated.

Once i've resolved this I hope I can come back and offer support to others going through this where I can.

That would be great Danno...and you must come back and let us know how you get on with it all.