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Hi all, unfortunately it seems I come back on here every few years!
Firstly, apologies for the long message!
My daughter is 15 and I applied for a contact order following threats by her mum to stop me seeing her. The contact order is for every other weekend and a night in the week. My ex has breached it a few times but stupidly I've never reported it to the court. The order also details holidays, including 1 week for each parent at Christmas (stipulates mine is the 2nd week). My ex has always insisted on holidays running Monday to Monday.
Christmas has always been a difficult time, especially the last 3 years, which is when we agreed to alternate the Christmas period (just the 3 days from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day). (By the way, there was no specific detail put in the order for Christmas, it was left up to us to sort it between ourselves as we'd always managed to at that point.) I always keep my side of the arrangement but when it comes to the years that my daughter is meant to stay with us, my ex refuses, threatens to totally deny access unless I agree, and I end up just having her for 1 day. This has happened again this year. I've only seen my daughter on Christmas Eve/Christmas morning once in 9 years.
However, by coincidence, she's due to be with us for the Christmas weekend, Saturday morning to Monday morning (ie, Christmas Day morning), and so I've told her to forget trying to come to an agreement and to just stick to the contact order (we'll both see her on Christmas Day and more or less get equal time and her week's holiday then starts on Christmas Day). My ex has now threatened to not make my daughter available, ultimately threatening to breach the contact order, and she will probably carry it out (as mentioned, she's done it before). She says it's because she feels that I won't return my daughter to her on Christmas Day (no grounds for this, I've always stuck to the court order).
So, my question is what steps can I take to prevent this happening? Can the court stop her from doing this or will they only get involved after the event (by which time Christmas will be over)?
Apologies again for such a long message, thanks for reading!!
Unfortunately, a court can't really do much more than make an order, which is what you already have. You can go back to court after an order has been breached, which is obviously too late. However, your daughter is getting to the age where she can make her own mind up anyway, so if she decides to leave the house and you pick her up, there isn't a great deal your ex can do about it, and next year, when she's 16, there will be nothing at all that your ex can do. It all depends on what your daughter wants really.
im not really sure here. ive not got that far tbh, but can you go to the court for enforcment? ,, i dont really no if this works out or makes your ex even more nasty,, if thats poss good luck,, mate,, exmas is hard i no,
I can't see that a court would entertain an enforcement order on the basis that the order hasn't yet been breached - that's the basic problem.
What about a holiday order, could that work? Getting desperate here!
Do you think there is room for compromise? I was in the same situation as you I still haven't been with my daughter xmas eve and morning but seeing as it's best for my girl to be with her sister on xmas morning I agreed to spending xmas eve day with her dropping her off at teatime then picking her up xmas day afternoon then having her until I go back to work, we've done this for the past 2 years and it's worked quite well.
As has been said theres not allot that you can do really until it happens so try and make the best out of a bad situation I suppose?
as she's not actually broken the order only threatened i doubt the court will do anything until she breaks it.
the problem as i see it is very similar to how mine started out.....the judge put in the order set days but didn't firm up holidays or christmas easter etc... those were left with the words "and any other extra days that can be agreed between the parties"
that statement alone has been the get out clause for my ex always....she refuses to allow any other time other than specified in the order.
the only option left for me was to ask for the court to vary the order.....however, so close to Christmas i'd doubt you'd get a hearing before Christmas and it may just wind your ex up even more to then stop all contact until court makes a decision....thats what happened to me
maybe worth writing to your ex asking what you can agree on based on the court order stating it should be your weekend and that she would be breaking the court order.... just be careful not to be confrontational / threatening in the wording.
Do you think there is room for compromise? I was in the same situation as you I still haven't been with my daughter xmas eve and morning but seeing as it's best for my girl to be with her sister on xmas morning I agreed to spending xmas eve day with her dropping her off at teatime then picking her up xmas day afternoon then having her until I go back to work, we've done this for the past 2 years and it's worked quite well.
As has been said theres not allot that you can do really until it happens so try and make the best out of a bad situation I suppose?
I've tried compromising, including having her on the Saturday overnight and returning her Xmas eve morning, and then collecting her on Xmas day until boxing day. She won't agree to it. Essentially she wants our daughter for the whole of christmas, and that's how we've now reached this point of me saying that we'll stick to the court order arrangements in that case! Never thought parenthood would end up like this!
You can apply for an urgent Specific Issue Order, to have the arrangements confirmed and to add definition to holiday times. This is done with form C100 and will cost £215 if you do it without a solicitor, much more if you use one.
Usually you would have to attend mediation, but as time is very limited and you are making an urgent application, it isn't a requirement.
All the best
as she's not actually broken the order only threatened i doubt the court will do anything until she breaks it.
the problem as i see it is very similar to how mine started out.....the judge put in the order set days but didn't firm up holidays or christmas easter etc... those were left with the words "and any other extra days that can be agreed between the parties"
that statement alone has been the get out clause for my ex always....she refuses to allow any other time other than specified in the order.
the only option left for me was to ask for the court to vary the order.....however, so close to Christmas i'd doubt you'd get a hearing before Christmas and it may just wind your ex up even more to then stop all contact until court makes a decision....thats what happened to me
maybe worth writing to your ex asking what you can agree on based on the court order stating it should be your weekend and that she would be breaking the court order.... just be careful not to be confrontational / threatening in the wording.
That's pretty much how it is and is one of my biggest regrets. I couldn't afford to go through a solicitor for the original order but really wish I had now as they would probably have made sure all of this kind of stuff was detailed.
It's all in writing anyway and I've been extremely reasonable trying not to rock the boat. As mentioned above, every other Christmas, she has our daughter for the whole of Christmas, I don't see her until boxing day at best. Therefore, that was my starting point in negotiations and I've compromised right back to just having her on the saturday day & night and then picking her up Christmas day until boxing day morning. She won't agree to that either and so that's why I've now said that we'll just stick to the court order.
We posted at the same time so you may not have seen mine, the SIO is another option for you.
When i was last having contact with my child that she wasn't stopping the only agreement i could get was to have boxing day and night and take back home on the evening of the 27th....my ex refused point blank to let me see (child) on Xmas eve or Xmas day....but a phone call on xmas day was done.
however with the constant breaks in contact that has only happend on 1 out of the last 7 years for overnight and only 3 boxing days in total ..... my ex is a real nightmare as anyone who knows my history on here can tell you.
good luck
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