[Solved] Ex stops me seeing my son after C100 application

Hi there

Have you informed her solicitor that for your own protection, since the failed NMO attempt, you have been recording handovers and have proof that you did not handle your son aggressively, or refuse to hand him back to her?

I would write back and state that you will agree to see your son in a contact centre, as continuity of contact is in his best interests and limiting and then stopping contact is likely to have a negative impact on him, hence his upset at handover....further stating that once he is at home with you, he settles quickly and is back to his happy self.

It's always best to accept whatever is offered, courts like to progress contact and if a mother is anxious, will often restart contact at a contact centre, so if you get this under your belt before the first hearing, it should follow that the court will progress it to unsupervised in the community, that's the theory anyway and its generally the case, although there are no guarantees.

Thank you for your advise Mojo, it seems spot on. I've started the contact center referral process, will try to get as many sessions in as possible in the few weeks between now and the FHDRA.

I specifically asked for supervised contact, so that I can have a report that might hopefully reassure her. If it doesn't, I can still use it in court.

Right now she is thinking that we stay in the contact center for months to come, I really hope I can sort that out at the first hearing in 5 weeks time.

Hi.

My situation sounds very similar to yours. Once the c100 was sent off all contacted stopped and I was offered the contact centre. I was very stubborn and despite missing my son I refused to go to the contact centre as I felt I didn't need to be there. When I went to court I ended up getting the contact centre for first couple of months anyway until second hearing so I feel I only prolonged the process. If I had my time again I'd go from soon as it was offered as it will only look good on your behalf and puts you a step closer to moving it outside in the community.

In regards to being upset I'd not worry to much about what your ex is saying my ex says exactly same thing and that he only does it to me but I know it's a mental bullying tactic but kids can get upset and mine does still and been few months unsupervised. As long as they settle and are happy then it's fine.

Thanks MrB179, your words resonate very strongly. My ex also says he only does it to me, which I know it's not true because he settles really well afterwards, and I've seen him doing the same thing when our time is up and he has to leave my arms.

It does make me upset to have to put my son through a contact centre. I make the most of the little time I spend with him. Swimming lessons, babygroups and playgrounds where he interacts with other children, walks in the woods that he absolutely loves, make him home made food with fresh ingredients rather than the pre-made [censored] you get in a supermarket. He will be missing out by being in a contact centre, and I can only hope the mother can see that 🙁

It's a good idea to prepare a brief position statement to take with you to the hearing, you can include the paragraph about the things your son is used to doing with you and how you have agreed to a contact centre because continuity of contact is better for him than having it abruptly denied.

Today I just need to vent a bit.

It's been more than a week now since I've asked for referrals to 2 contact centers. Both are still processing my request. One of them was particularly annoying. Having paid a £140 referral fee a week ago, I got in touch today to find out how the process was going, only to be told they were still waiting on confirmation that I had paid the referral fee.

The ex also applied for a referral to a different contact centre. Conveniently, her centre is closed for the whole of August and only opens twice a month starting in September.

It's been 2 weeks now since I last saw my son. It's another 4 weeks until the FHDRA. Using this time to work out, eat well, improve my sleep and socialise so I don't go bananas.

Thanks for reading, just needed to vent.

I do feel for you, the waiting game can grind your emotions, so having somewhere to come and vent is a must!

I can't believe you've had to pay such a large referral fee... Family conflict is big business, it shouldn't be this way.

Which contact centre is closest to the mother?

The contact centre closest to the mother is the one she suggested. It is a free one run by volunteers, but does not open for another 2 or 3 weeks and it's only available twice a month.

Having said that, the mother claims that she believes it is important for the child to see his father, and before she changed her position that me and my son should only see each other in a contact centre, I was seeing him twice a week, hence I expect that in the best interest of the child, the mother would not wish to reduce my parenting time with him.

As I'll be making these arguments in court in another few weeks, it would really help if you could grill me and make counter arguments so that I can be prepared for the day.

So it's now been 3+ weeks since I've last seen my son. It took a while to get the contact center referrals going, but we finally got them and have the first appointment this coming Wednesday, then another one Friday and a 3rd one Saturday. That will be the first time in months I see my son 2 days in a row.

The ex then says she can't make it to the center again until we go to court for the FHDRA which would mean at least another 2 weeks without seeing my son. Not too happy about that, she doesn't seem to appreciate how important it is for the baby to have continuity and regularity, so we'll have to have a chat about that one, but some progress nonetheless.

This progress does come at a ridiculous cost, paying £140 each time i see my son which is outrageous, but I have bigger fish to fry right now.

Also the mom keeps saying that if he cries when she leaves, she will come and take him back straight away, which is not really acceptable and i'm not sure how to deal with.

When I see him on Wednesday it will have been 4 weeks since I last saw him. The most we had ever been apart before was 1 week. I'll take some of his favorite toys which he will hopefully recognize, prepare him some snacks and just try and do the usual routine we have always done before. I'm not really sure how he feels about the whole thing, he's not even 2 yet, i'll just have to be sensitive to it.

keep strong pal, just keep the focus on your son and keep a diary of everything you do and say with your ex partner concerning the care of your child.
when it goes to court just make sure you put your points over in a calm and collective manner and show that you are only concerned about the regularity of the contact you once had and that your ex has made things difficult...also mention you have recordings proving that handovers are nothing like she has said

I've not seen my little boy for 3 weeks now and he is 2.....i know ya pain mate and trust me your far from alone but just keep yourself busy and it will all plan out

dont give her the reaction she is seeking 🙂