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Hi, I am a new user so hello everybody.
The reason I joined is because for the second time my ex has decided I cannot see my 20 month old son, the first time was when he was about 6 months old as our relationship broke down, we sorted that out between us in around 3 weeks and since then I have had regular contact, twice in the week and weekends staying at mine etc. However recently our friendship broke down and I met someone else, now because we had an argument about what is best for our son, I suggested he stayed at mine one night in the week because he was ill instead of taking him back out into the cold and that she should check her new medication out because sheβd been acting strange, that βI canβt say what I want and get away with itβ. So access to my son is now refused.
I would like to get a contact order in place so I can hopefully put a stop to her deciding willy nilly that I canβt see our child. From the first time I went to a solicitors about access I know that they will suggest mediation, however I feel that this would be fruitless because this is the second time she has refused access. Would I be right in just wanting to apply for a contact order?
I did inform her by text that it is what I intend to do but she saw this a threat and said she is keeping it as proof, she has told me to go to a solicitors as she will get one too and not to contact her. It seems strange but I donβt fully know what her position on all this is, I donβt know if she will try to stop a contact order or if she is just hoping I wonβt be able to afford it.
She is a good mum and I am a good dad, thereβs no history of violence, drink or drugs etc, I have always paid for my son and have been in his life/his mums life always. Iβm just scared she is going to try to play dirty if this goes to court, she just seems so relaxed over all this like she knows something I donβt whereas i'm really worried about it.
All I want is to be in my sons life and for her to not stop me seeing him everyt ime she feels like it.
Thank you
Idon't like saying it but...Welcome to the club.
Best advice is read the guides by Yoji at the top about court orders and representing yourself in court.
i wish i'd found this site before it had cost me so much in solicitors fee's π i've been representing myself for over a year now and with the great advice from the site members here and the truth on myside i think i've held my own in court quite well.
However.......once the ex starts on this path she will almost certainly see your actions as a challenge to her views and what she thinks is right.....then she will find advice from all manner of pepole telling her how best to stop you from winning against her.......she will not think for one moment that you're doing this just to see your child......it will be a personal attack against her. whether or not people agree with me here i'll say it anyway....it will be Mum & bitter ex's versus you!
Trust me i'm just one of thousands of guys going through exactly what you are....and mine started the same.....and the same as most stories you will read and hear.
i'm not going to say that your story will be as heartbreaking as mine and many others has been....i pray that it won't.....but be mentally prepared to have a long bitter fight if she does see it as she's right about everthing like my ex and many others!
Make notes of every event, keep copies of every text message / email / letter. if you can do everything between you and her in writting rather than phone calls, then you will have evidence should you need to refer to it in court.
always avoid confrontation at all cost....and it may sound stupid but do not underestimate her.....i've learnt that one the hard way!
3yrs since i walked out.....2yrs i've been battling through courts....contact has been sporadic at best.
Don't give up......there are plenty of people here who can offer great advice and help with what you're going through.......and if you need a place to vent off i've often found it usefull to post my frustrations here too.
Thank you for your reply, will it really come down to what we said to each other in emails/texts etc? Not that we've both said anything bad to eachother. Surely it must work in my favour that i have always been in hsi life and looked after him on my own for so long. I don't want to get into a slanging match with her, purely want to be a part of my sons life.
Thank you once again
And about what you wrote about her seeing this being a personal attack on her, you are correct, it does feel like she thinks that, like i've done the worst thing ever and must be punished.
Honest answer is.......who knows! it depends if your ex see's that this is about you and your child and not you verus her!
if she's a reasonable person then it really shouldn't come to be as bad as some on here are going through, but it pays to be prepared for the worst.
try writing her a letter......tell her what you want...i.e. you're just looking for time with your child....quality time with his child is all a father wants.
whenever i have to write or text the ex i've always made sure i use the words "our son" rather than how she does it "my son" i've kept this to try and make her see that he is ours not just hers! and he is not a possesion!
Keep it focused on your child and not you v her.
if you decide to hand write a letter to her and post it, send it recorded or special delivery so you know its got to her and keep a copy of it and receipt to show if it gets to court to prove you've not been harassing her or abusive.
You never know...she may reply seeing sense.
Good luck
dad-i-d , i like the karma bit at the bottom , very true , ive had the worst year of my life this year , but did get some news that proves karma is alive and well , had 2 bits of news made me smile ... waiting for the treble and it will come im sure .. to everybody on here it cant always be bad ... if your a genuine good guy and dad trust me good things will come back around no matter what . π
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