[Solved] Ex refusing to communicate regarding school hols

Not much help but this is the issue my partner faces this year with his ex. We only got the court order at Xmas and it states he gets half of all school holidays to be mutually agreed between themselves. It's ridiculous really as they can't communicate and that's why we took her too court so it was more specific. She is very much like your ex by the sounds of it and if it isn't suiting her, it doesn't happen. He also can't book things in advance yet she has messaged him the day they came out of court 'telling' him of the three week holiday she had already booked over the summer. It interferes with his regular weekends and days and doesn't give him even a two week chunk of holidays because of how she has booked hers. It's so selfish! We have already written to the court to suggest it's more specific so fingers crossed but if not we will apply for a variation and try that route. But it's another £215 for the privilege.

Good luck

If you can't agree, and it sounds as though you can't, then you'd need to go back to court for a specific issue order for the holiday - telling your ex you are going to do this might possibly make her decide that she'll cooperate after all, but if not, then it's worth trying to get it written in that for a couple of holidays, she has to be prepared to accept a year's notice.

I have given her plenty of notice and given her until the end of January to reply advising me of any holidays she has booked, if I then go ahead and book a holiday and she then tries to block it or books a holiday at the same time, surely I then have a case to take back to court a proof that I have been reasonable here?

I could try this out with the short break I am trying to book over Easter holidays firstly. I don't want to have to go to court for every holiday, surely it must be possible to put in place some system for future years so that I don't have to do this every year?

Last year I had 3 mini breaks with the kids ie long weekends and a week in Spain. This year my ex is being even more difficult, so it's impossible to organise anything, but surely the precedent has been set and the kids very much feel lucky to have holidays with both parents.

If you can try it out with a short break first, then you know whether she's likely to be obstructive for the sake of it. I would put in writing that you are intending to book the date so that you have evidence in court if you do need to go back, and hopefully she'll agree to the dates, even though it's 3 months away. If you do need to go back to court, then it would be to vary the whole arrangement on the basis that a month's notice isn't a ppractical solution for holidays.

You could also point out to her that if you give a lot more notice, then it also allows her to book holidays, both with your choldren and on her own, so there's an advantage for her also.

I've recently applied to vary an order, in it I've had to ask for the courts to set the requested holidays in the order rather than have the "as can be agreed between the parties" clause.....simply due to the ex's continual refusal to allow the extra time that was part of that clause.

Basically my ex only complies with the order and refuses to extend contact as is the "expectation of the court" as that is not ordered by the court and I am powerless to do anything about it if its not ordered.

I really don't want a fixed set dates as there would be no flexibility but she has forced me to either try and get contact and holiday times fixed or not have them.

You could try to have the order worded in a way where there are fixed dates, but that they can be exchanged on a day for day basis if both of you agree - that way there is a bit of flexibility, she can't take the total number of days away, and if all else fails, you know you have certain dates arranged that you can work with.

some useful info here to think about for me I think.

I wonder if anyone has gone through this with the courts yet and what the outcome was? Are the courts understanding of the needs to put more specific dates in or rules for the school holidays?

I know when I spoke to 'Mckenzie Friend' he said courts are very reluctant to have everything set it stone, they expect the parents to be able to have some level of basic communication, but when one parent decides they want to be very difficult, surely there has to be a way to overcome this..

In my court order, it says the dates I have the children in the school holidays are "to be agreed by both parties a minimum of 4 weeks before" - but she has booked holidays in May, Easter for example and is refusing to let me know the specific dates until 4 weeks before. And then refusing to 'approve' the dates I have suggested that I could have the kids in the summer or easter, making it impossible for me to plan any holidays

I think it's quite clear that her stance is preventing you from being able to organise holidays and it's unreasonable of her to stick to this 4 week minimum, whilst still being able to organise her own diary.

A lot depends on the judge on the day, but if she is being obstructive, which she clearly is, then it's not unusual for there to be more definition added to an existing order. You could do this as a variation or as a specific issue order, both require mediation first and both are applied for with a C100 form.

Whilst the MF you consulted isn't wrong, this is usually more pertinent for a first order...if one parent continues to frustrate and obstruct then it's likely a court would agree to a more defined order. You never know she might get the message at mediation....I doubt she wants to return to court and be dictated to further.

thanks for reply.
Do I really need to show that I have attempted mediation every time I apply to change an order?
Mediation has not worked in the past and would not give me an agreement that is legally enforcable (which seems to be the only way to get her to comply) so I dont see the point of attempting mediation again.
Presumably if I have to show that I have attempted mediation, that involves more expense and time delays as I have to involve a mediation company?

At the moment I was planning on waiting until the deadline I set of end of jan, then if I havent heard anything, go ahead and book my holiday, only returning to court if she tries to actually prevent this from happening - if I am going back to court for this specific reason, I would also try to change the wording of the existing order whilst I am there, but would this still need mediation first?

I'm afraid so, unless you were at mediation within the last four months, in which case you can ask the mediator to sign the form.

If you have set a deadline it's better to wait for that before taking further action. You could then write to her formally and tell her that you will be booking a holiday for xxxxxxx date in 7 days time and if you do NOT hear from her to the contrary within that timeframe you will take that as an agreement that the dates are ok for her. You could also point out that it is not in your child's best interests to obstruct quality holiday time with you and if she objects you will be seeking an urgent application for a Specific Issue Order to have all future holiday dates clearly defined.

It's probably not sensible to book holidays without any agreement from her first, she could argue that she wasn't consulted. However if you want to take them somewhere at Easter, booking early is crucial and because of that you could make an urgent application for a Specific Issue Order as she will not negotiate with you and is using the wording of the existing order to obstruct your ability to plan ahead.

My plan of action was going to be email her again, to try to get her to reasonable and discuss dates with me. I like your suggestion that to give her a final 7 day deadline and say I will be booking after that. Surely if there is then a problem at a later date, I can prove I h ave given her plenty of chances to say that dates I have offered are not ok?

Slightly confused by your last statement, saying not to book without her agreement? Isn't that contradicting the statement above saying I am going to assume the dates are ok unless I hear otherwise and will be going ahead and booking?
I dont see how she can say she wasnt consulted when I have emailed her many times asking for her to discuss dates with me?

If I do end up having to do an urgent application, regarding a specific issue such as the holiday, I still don't see how it is possible to attempt mediation when doing an urgent court application?