[Solved] ex partner claiming domestic violence need advice

your solicitor is probably the best person to advise you at this point on the specifics, but one reason that ex's claim DV is so they are entitled to legal aid - do you know if your ex is trying for this? The problem with DV is that it is very difficult to disprove (though the courts are aware that women do claim this when there isn't any DV at all), but equally, since she hasn't reported any alleged cases to the police previously, then she equally cant prove it.

Thanks for your reply. I plan on seeing my solicitor on Tuesday so I'll ask more then. I don't know why she's doing it to be honest I'm not sure if it's for legal aid or if it's just because she does not want me involved in my sons life. Ok that's good advice thanks she can't prove any Dv because there isn't any to prove but I'm thinking she could easily get people to lie for her and think she is capable of this as she really is going all out to stop me having a relationship with my son to be honest really just feel like giving up with it all and just getting on with it I feel my ex is just going to far with things

Hi There,

As actd has said, without any reports to the authorities of DV it's her word against yours, that backed up with the fact that claiming DV is quite common to not only claim legal aid but to try and muddy the waters in a case, the judges seem to be quite good at spotting it.

Take some advice from your solicitor to see how best to proceed, and be careful from this point on wards in how you contact your ex, try and do everything through the solicitor if you can so she can't start to claim domestic harrasement aswell, it seems like she will try every trick she can to make life difficult, so make a log of ALL contact that is made between you both sides of the conversation.

GTTS

Hi cfcpaul,
I'm afraid this is a very common theme. I think lots of solicitors advise women to make accusations of DV so that they will qualify for free legal aid, and so the solicitor will get paid. The family law courts are full of perjury, and perhaps the magistrates or judge will see through it, but it is very difficult to prove that something did not happen. Your ex-partner's solicitor will of course refer to your one incident of assault in a different context and claim you must have been guilty of DV, there cannot be any doubt here as all men are of course violent, sadistic, obsessive despots, aren't they?
You are probably right about your wife not wanting you to have much contact with your son as well. This is usually down to money: the state creates a causal connection between residency and CM (plus a claim on your estate if you were married), so it tends to be in the mother's interests to restrict residency with the father to a minimum.
It is probably worth speaking with a solicitor, but beware: legal bills can become huge very quickly and you will not stand any chance of legal aid (your ex-partner cannot have been responsible for DV of course, after all she was a paragon of virtue, scared to report the abuse inflicted upon her by a demonic male). Your solicitor will of course be more than willing to write lots of letters to the other side, represent you in court or employ an even more expensive barrister to do so, but the outcome might not be much different. Family courts are not much like criminal courts where the onus is on the state to prove guilt, rather the burden is with the father to disprove anything that is alleged against him.
I do so hope you do well out of this, that you manage to establish a relationship with your son, he needs you a lot more than your ex-partner realises. If you are still on talking terms with her it might be worth trying to follow a conciliatory route rather than court, which will be very expensive and the cards will be stacked against you. Perhaps offer to pay CM that is a bit above what she will get via CSA in exchange for a bit of contact with your son?
Good fortune cfcpaul,
AO

Spot on Othen! The journey from here is going to be rough, hopefully not lonely so prepare yourself. Depending on the severity of the accusations, it could be a walk in the park or walking on a coal fire lol.Family courts are based on a lower threshold (probability). It is imperative that you keep your cool AT ALL TIMES in and out of court. Judges can make up their minds very quickly and look out for signs of aggression etc to validate their decision.

Unless the accusations are on the very severe end of the scale to warrant a no contact or indirect contact order, you will get to see your son again but it's a matter of when so hang in there.

Be mindful of being turned to a cash cow by solicitors.

Good luck

Hi thanks for your replys I'm still trying to get my head around what she is saying and why she is saying it although I'm unsure what she's actually saying will I need to wait to it goes to court to find out or will my solicitor find out before court ?

I'm not on any speaking terms with her I haven't seen my son in 4 months after I left her we spoke a few times and I got to see my son then she all of a sudden just stop all contact she stopped replying to any messages I pay for my son threw the csa I even offered to pay her more money than what they were taking off me as I want my son to have things and not go without anything but she never got back to me on that either. I think I will get some help with legal so hoping it won't cost too much but I'm not worried about how much it will cost I'm more worried about how I defend myself and go about proving whatever she alleges is false I know few of you's have said it's basically her word against mines but if she can't prove anything threw police etc that there was Dv is that the end of the allegations in court ?

Kind regards.

Yes it's her word vs yours but her demeanour can also influence the outcome. Just because she didn't go to the police does not invalidate her claim, she could say she was afraid etc.

IHi thanks for your reply. ok that's good to know as when I left and split up with her after 2 weeks I got a knock on the door from the police and it was to get my house keys back from me I had only been keeping them as when I left I had taken only one change of clothes so I gave the police the keys but never received a single thing of my possessions back she would not give me anything back so if she can phone the police for a set of keys think she would have acted on any dv with the police etc my ex is pretty hot tempered she has assaulted me a few times she also punched my mother on one occasion and also one night just before the split she put paint all over her neighbours car and trashed her garden she never got caught for any of it though but she did that because she doesn't get on with her and she suspected her neighbour to reporting her to the housing so is any of that worth mentioning to my solicitor ? I know it's not about getting one over her but this is the kind of person I'm dealing with she is a total drama queen at times and can be a very good actress when she needs to be Ive just really had enough of it all I seen her yesterday and I wanted to go up and speak to her but I didn't I just kept walking and turned my head the other way wasn't sure if she would have caused a drama or not but I don't contact her or anything I don't want to give her any more things to lie about.

Kind regards

Hi CFC,
I know you have a lot spinning around in your head at this difficult time, but if you want to see your son you have to stay level headed. All you have said above makes perfect sense to you, but it will be twisted out of all proportion and context by a lawyer in court. Your ex-partner has made an allegation of DV and my guess is she is on a low income, so she will get free legal aid and so will not worry too much about the cost of solicitors and barristers. They will not be bothered whether she is lying or not, their task will be to win her case. You on the other hand will have to pay for lawyers out of your hard earned wages, as Halfoyster warned above, don't become a cash cow for some solicitor as the outcome may not be much different. You could easily spend £10,000 on legal fees in a few months, maybe that is not a lot of money to you, but if it is be careful of not to end up broke.
There will be others much more able than I to advise you on this forum, but I suspect there will have to be some sort of mediation. It might be a good idea to see if you could sort out some access to your son at that point rather than in court.
Good fortune to you CFC,
AO

Hi thanks for your reply. I'm trying to stay level headed my heads been a bit of a mess with all that's going and on top of it not seeing my son. I understand what your saying and I appreciate your advice I know it's not about making my ex look bad was just giving some examples of her behaviour so people on here could see the type of person she is and so it kind of gives people an idea on advising me what to do about it. I think I will qualify for legal aid I might need to pay a small amount to it so should be ok when it comes to lawyers fees and about the mediation I'm in Scotland don't think that happens here but if it does it's something I would do but there's no chance my ex would and in her lawyers letter to mines it says she has no offer of contact to make so she has set out that she is not willing to give me any contact with my son. I'm eager to get in and see my solicitor but that's not until Monday to see what they say about it but part of me wants to just give up i have a medical condition and the stress is really starting to have an impact on that but I don't want to give up on my son at the same time and she did all this to her former partner also and he now gets there daughter so that's been in my mind to keep going on with it but thanks for all your help.

Kind regards.

Bewsre CFC, I don't like being the bearer of bad news, but legal aid for residency cases is only available In cases involving abuse or DV:

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-rights/legal-system/taking-legal-action/help-with-legal-costs-legal-aid/

Maybe this is different in Scotland?